Monday, June 22, 2009

Our Visit

We arrived and were greeted by a nurse I had never seen before. We found out they had taken Aviana off a few medications. The one to raise her blood pressure and the one to bring her head pressure down (ICP's.) A few days prior they were having trouble keeping her blood pressure up. They said back in the day they wanted it to be up, but not too high. Nowadays, they want it high, as though you have a pounding headache. When I looked at the monitor, her blood pressure was at 88, I was so excited...she was doing that on her own!

I asked the nurse if that was good and she said she thought it was too high and was going to consult the doctor to see if they should administer medication. I was confused (seemed conflicting as to what I had heard the prior days.) After an emotional breakdown just an hour earlier, I felt the wind falling from my sails. She checked and I felt revived when she came back and said the doctor said her blood pressure was good and to leave it.

At 2am they stopped giving her the medication to lower her ICP's. They wanted to see if she would have spikes or if her levels would continue to climb. If they did, they would need to begin meds again. The whole time we were there, she was between 20 and 24. Same as the prior day with medication. We felt over the moon.

We stayed to talk to the doctor and all I have to say is, you win some and you lose some. She was stoic, unemotional, routine, going through the motions, disconnected (not what I had hoped for when my mom visited.) She could not seem to utter one genuine word of hope....of any kind! She barely spoke to us and then asked if we had anymore questions, without a beat I said NO. I wanted to get out of there, run, not cry, as my mom stood beside me tearing up. I wanted to scream "throw me a freakin' bone lady." It doesn't even have to be a bone, just one bit of a kibble and bit...anything.

We kept a positive attitude and walked out of the hospital talking about only good things! As we were driving away...I found comfort in one of my favorite lines from one of my favorite movies..... "Science only goes so far, and then comes God."

Doctors, nurses, people are all different. They can say what I want, what I don't want, what I wish they would say or not, but it really doesn't matter because in the end, what will be...will be.


  1. My family and I have been following little Avianna's story since the 17th. I work about 60 yards from the accident and I was there on the scene, so your family has been in my thoughts non-stop. My husband has a chronic intestinal illness and we deal with doctors and nurses a lot. Being a young couple (I'm 26 and he is 30) we tend to expect them to be kind or warm (like our loving parents would be!), but instead they can seem so cold and distant. I think it is because they have trained themselves to be that way. Its hard, but try not to take it personal and trust that God has put this doctor (or nurse) in your life for a reason. I have two sons (8 and 4), so as a mother I can not imagine what you are going though. Stay strong and keep your faith. You have so many people praying for you everyday!! We are all routing for little Avi~

    Nicole & David

  2. Hugs and prayers, I just want you to know that I am praying, I do not know you, found you via another blog where a commenter shared your story. Sending all of the prayers and support I can every single day.

  3. Jen, You my dear have my permission to allow yourself the infamous Oprah "ugly cry". I understand the inclination to stay strong. As Aviana CONTINUES to get better you will absolutely need to stay strong. When her care is back in your arms where it should be you will be called to be strong. I know I don't know you really well but what I have seen in you is strength. I know you are strong. Your mom loves you and Aviana to the ends of the earth. She knows you are strong heck if I could see it in 6, 7 months time she is aware of your strength. I am sure that you to told your mom black when she said white just like your sweet Aviana. So trust in your families wisdom to know your strength and let yourself release that ugly cry and when your done stand up feel the strong woman you know you are and continue to root for your baby. So many of us out here are in the Aviana cheer section right now!!!!!

  4. I just found your blog from some of my FB Guatemama friends. I'm praying for Aviana and your family.

  5. I found your blog thru Skylie Smiles. I'm praying for Aviana and your family. I'm also going to light a candle for her. You're in my prayers for as long as it takes to make her better.

  6. Still praying for your precious and beautiful Aviana!! Prayers are spreading like wildfire, so God is hearing her name over and over and over. He knows how loved your precious baby girl is and is working miracles behind the doctors back that they have no idea about yet. Sorry they are not being as compassionate as you need... but I am praying that behind their stoicism, they are using their God given talents to do what they do best.

  7. Dear Jen, (It's Michelle, Robyns Daughter)
    I have been following your blog since the beginning after JR informed us of the accident. It has been a long time since you and I have been in contact but your dad does such a great job of keeping me informed on how you all are doing that I always feel up-to-date. I wish I would be writing to you under different circumstances but I believe that everything is going to be alright.

    The most essential element in restoring Aviana's health is through the positive energy, love and support that you send to her. My Cousin (Jeanna Giese) was the first person (in the world!) to survive rabies. Our family knew that nobody had ever survived this disease before, but we believed that Jeanna was going to the first. I am convinced that our strong prayers for healing, our feelings of love, and our thoughts of assurance and support are what helped Jeanna to fight off the disease. She too had to be put into a coma during this time, and although their brains might not be able to comprehend what is going on around them I think their inner being and subconscious can still feel the emotion present.

    I am sure it has been hard not being able to directly interact with Aviana. Combine that with not really knowing how her body is handling what is going, along with the doctors not being able to give many answers, it can be a very trying time. But stay positive and keep fighting along with Aviana as her body strives to heal.

    Stay strong!
    Sending you lots of love, hugs, kisses and positive energy.
    Love you,

  8. I found your blog through a friend and wanted to let you know that I am praying for little Aviana and the rest of your family.
    Katie Scott

  9. I found your blog through a friend's FB posting. I am visiting my brand new granddaughter, who was born June 19, and I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through. I haven't prayed in a while but your story moves me to start again and to do so fervently and constantly, for your precious daughter and your family and the doctors and nurses and everyone who will bring this little girl home.

  10. Just found your blog thru the "Guatemama network" on FB. Thinking of you and your family.

  11. Jen and family!
    You all have been in my thoughts constantly. And we are hoping that you are staying strong when you can, and venting your frusteration and sadness when you get a chance. We have had several health scared with our kids, and have quite some time in the PICU at UC Davis. Worst times of our life, especially being told bad news. We had some great nurses and Dr.'s, and some who may be great, but are a bit hardened. It was hard to decide which is better at times, because you really don't want to see the fear in their eyes either, so sometimes a hardened nurse can be better. UD Davis has done miracles with my kids and I pray that they will take just as good care of your Aviana. She is an absolutely a beautiful girl. And you are blessed to have her

    Jen and Dave, Take care of each other and hold on to each other in the hard times... If I was closer I would love to help you bang a few walls down (0r floors), or clean, or just bring a tub of ice cream and relax when you can.
    Stay strong my friend! Shannon