Rough

It's been a rough week. Can you guess where we've landed ourselves?

Yes. Under the sea is no place we want to be. I don't have much time, as I have to get back to the PICU, but I wanted to let you know a little of what's going on. 

Aviana usually bounces back from surgery like it's nothing. This time was different. She wasn't acting herself and then before long, she was downright inconsolable. In doing her (what we were told would be a quick and easy liver biopsy) they missed her liver and accidentally nicked her colon. When we found out, we were beside ourselves. Of course this happens....never % of the time!!  Well that explained all of the pain she had been experiencing. 

We immediately brought her in, and what followed ~ gosh I can't even put into words right now. I'm still quite shaken, and emotionally exhausted from the whole ordeal. The short of it though was we were once again faced with having to make life and death decisions, family meetings, and all of the sort. Needless to say, it was a really draining day. 

Aviana ended up being rushed into surgery and everything went smoothly. She is recovering in the PICU and will be there for about 5 days. Hopefully no longer.

I have to go for now, as I need to get back to her. If you could please send our girl all the love and prayers you have, we would appreciate it. I feel so much sadness when I look into her sweet face. She is a human pin cushion. Not just that though, she has so many cuts, slashes, gashes, dents and holes all over her little body. It truly sickens me. I can't help but think when they handed her over to us in Guatemala, she was perfect in every way.  

She doesn't deserve this kind of life!!!

She had finally fallen asleep right before they wheeled her back for surgery.

After surgery.

Yesterday

I wanted to first thank you for all of your texts, emails, calls, messages, and even gifts of love and support. There's nothing quite like feeling the warmth of family and friends in a time of need. We love and appreciate every one of you who reached out to us. I will never be able to express how much you mean to us. Our love to you always. 


I didn't get any sleep the night before. We were up at 5 am and were greeted at the hospital by my Mom and Gary at 6 am. We admitted Aviana, and with that came the signing of the papers no mother wants or should have to for the 11th time. Ugh. What came next was yet another of what no parent, or grandparent, should have to experience and that is the watching and wheeling back of your little love. 


Aviana did great. She always does. The doctor went in and the plate and screws were about to come through, as suspected. He removed all and had a new, longer set to install in its place. He ran into a problem though. The bone, which showed thick on the CT Scan, was anything but. As he looked around, he quickly realized, the scan was not accurately reflecting what was happening inside. Her bone was indeed receding. His description hurt our hearts in the worst way. He said, "her bone is like shale. It's in thin layers and is falling into pieces."


According to Wikipedia -

Shale is a fine-grained, clastic sedimentary rock composed of mud that is a mix of flakes of clay minerals and tiny fragments (silt-sized particles) of other minerals, especially quartz and calcite. Shale is characterized by breaks along thin laminae or parallel layering or bedding less than one centimeter in thickness, called fissility.^[1] Shale typically exhibits varying degrees of fissility breaking into thin layers, often splintery and usually parallel to the otherwise indistinguishable bedding plane because of parallel orientation of clay mineral flakes.


Yep...that's the state of our baby's skull. So needless to say, her doctor was unable to anchor any sort of screws or new plates into the area. If he did, we would find ourselves in the very same predicament we were just in. 


So what's this mean for our future? Well at this point, it is not absolutely urgent as she is not able to run, jump, play, walk, or move. If she were able to do these things, we would need to act now. Because she is unable, we have some time. 


In time, there will be other hardware coming through her head. So for me ~ I want her to have to endure as few surgeries as possible. There will be a balancing act as to when the hardware begins to present itself, and what the state of the sunken in area looks and feels like. I will be closely monitoring all of this, and we will be making these determinations as we go.


Anyways, back to yesterday. Aviana was under anesthesia for her head and liver biopsy, but sadly, she was awake for five needle sticks. There are no words to describe the way we felt having to see her experience that kind of pain on top of all she had just been through. At the time of the initial accident, we were in shock and going through the motions. We are not in shock now, these moments are truly just plain difficult!


I made sure we were the first on the schedule, so we would be coming home yesterday. We spent a total of 8 hours at the hospital. Once we arrived home, the routine for Aviana was nap, throw up, cry, repeat. It was terribly sad to see her go through this. In those moments, it was hard for me not to curse the brain injury bastard. I was finding it extremely difficult to not picture what she would've been doing had this God forsaken accident not occurred. She would probably have been running around, smiling and playing - not napping, throwing up, and crying with her head cut opened and her liver punctured through.


Anyway, she is doing much better today. This girl is my hero. I can't even come up with a word to accurately describe the way I feel about her. All words I could use - inspiring, amazing, strong, tough, superstar, etc. all pale in comparison to what I feel when I look into those big brown eyes of hers. 

Aviana ~ 

You are indescribable. 

You always have been, and always will be! 

Look who joined us. Lamby has been with Aviana through all of her surgeries except the first two emergency ones. These are pictures from her last trip.

She wasn't happy to have been woken up at 5 am.

We shared in her pain! 

The all too familiar Kaiser gown...

You're going to cut my what opened?

My beautiful Mom...and Gary too ; ) with Avi.

This picture reminded me of another from not too long ago...

This one of Dave and Aviana reminded me of another from a while ago, it was the day they put her bone flaps back on. It's the way she's looking at him. You can find it here.

She loves her Papa.

Really Mom...with this adult sized cap on my head? Really?

She had her Nana and Papa's love in abundance before they wheeled her back. 

Oh Lamby, you sure know how to save a girl. Not just one, but two. You bring comfort to me, knowing you are with her.

I love you sweet baby.

And then, we waited...

Our sweet ~ after she came out of surgery. 

Just You and Me

Baking the night away...

in our matching aprons.

Avi did most of the work. She did make me clean the whole kitchen though : /

Please Keep Her Close

Our Meeks is going in for her 10th or 11th surgery tomorrow morning. So many, I've lost track. It makes me sad that she's so very young, and has endured so very much. 

Wednesdays are usually wild around here. Amy comes over, and we make pie until the sun comes up ; ) Today, the day before surgery...I happen to be alone. No Amy (in-laws leaving). No Dave (conference). Just Avi, Rainey and I.

Tonight, I'm taking my Meek, strapping our matching aprons on, blasting the music and making a ~

Jen's a Lonely Mama and Needs a Distraction, as Her Baby is Having Surgery Tomorrow Morning Blackberry Cherry Pie 

Hmmm...kinda wonder how this one will turn out?

Thank you to everyone who has already reached out to us with thoughts and prayers. We truly appreciate it.

Please keep our girl close tomorrow.

We thank you.

❤

Yes

I Said Goodbye Today

Dear Facebook ~

I was skeptical when we first met, I was extremely hard to get. I had my doubts about you, because I'd heard you'd been around…to everyone in town! You were persistent though, so I finally decided to give you a chance.

I can't lie; it was fresh and fun in the beginning. I suppose as all new relationships are. Although we were doing fairly well, with you, I could never fully let my guard down.

Over the years, we acquired lots of new and old friends together. For that, I’m truly thankful. Because of you, I’ve been blessed with the opportunity of becoming closer to both family and friends. How did you know how very important it was for me to know if one should have hit heavy traffic that particular morning? Or if another four, sure wish it were Friday! It would make or break my day to know if the other truly does, or does not, love the Grilled Cheese Animal Style at In and Out Burger.

In all seriousness though, I’ve enjoyed hearing and seeing the latest pub-crawl, a fully inappropriate picture from Halloween night, or just aspects of the world through others’ crazy sick humor.

I can’t help but notice, as your star has risen, you’ve changed. Things have changed. Sadly, I can no longer deny it. As of late, you've become a little too controlling. I happen to be one who doesn't like to be retained. You've become less of a love, and much more of a big brother.

My every move feels watched, tracked, and spied upon. Everywhere I look, there you are. I happen to be much too private a person for you. I prefer to share on my own terms. I’ve found mine to be vastly different from the ones you have in place for me. I’ve also noticed, you have a hard time listening these days. Yes, I love expressing my “likes,” but I’ve asked you repeatedly to please allow me to also convey my, “dislikes!” No is all you say. If I see another person speaking rudely about a stranger, who happens to shop at Walmart, I’d like to be able to quickly smack them with a “dislike.” It’s not just that though. There’s so much more, but at this point that’s neither here nor there.

Now, I'm not naive. I know in break ups a divide will occur within the majority of our friends. For those who choose to continue to check in, you can find me at - avianareese.blogspot.com or there’s always good old-fashioned email - forthehodders@yahoo.com. For those whom I lose in this break up, it has been nice seeing you, meeting you, and knowing you again. I wish you the very best this life has to offer. Take care, and most of all ~ be well.

My dear Facebook ~ I've heard about you through your exes. I know you get awfully offended, and do not appreciate being left. You can try to hold me, but I must go. Lucky for me, I have little left at your place. I’m sorry to say…our time has come.

At this point, there's nothing left to do, but bid you ado. I wish you happiness, but it's time to hit you with the deactivate button.

Jen

These Are the Moments

Tonight...

I curse you, you mother effin, piece of s, @$%$^$, brain injury.

Dave is going skiing tomorrow,

And I want to grab my mom and go to Costco to get some berries,

Maybe head to the mall,

Look around.

Get Aviana a new book.

Maybe go to lunch,

Probably chomp on some lettuce wraps.

Dave is taking the Tahoe.

Silly me.

I thought he could quickly put the other carseat,

in our other car.

Oh yeah!

She can't walk!

Her wheelchair,

And even stroller,

Don't fit in the other freakin' car.

That is...

Unless we take the damn wheels off.

Grrrr.

I'm over it.

Not worth it.

I'll just get my berries,

and her book,

when Dave gets home.

The end.

I hate you brain injury!

F- you!

You take, take, take.

I'm tired of you.

I'm sick of looking at your ugly mug all. day. long.

I told you.

It's always the little things that push me over.

Really.

If I really think about it,

It's not the little things.

The big things tend to come out in the little.

This whole thing is too much sometimes.

This week has been difficult, for so many reasons.

It's been a good week,

but just hard.

Hard in the ways of being out in the real world.

The normal world.

A world in which we no longer belong.

I found myself a little too far from the protective bubble I safely surround myself in.

The Power of NOW.

The Power of NOW.

I must move on to another place.

Another space : )

The Goods

We've been having a lot of fun in the apron department. You may remember Dave's sister Dinah picked Aviana an apron up in London. And now, I picked one out in Idaho. Our friends Freddy and Amy also bought her two on our trip. Thank you guys. She looks adorable in them!

The Footless Wonder

Our Idaho friend Amy knew I had one of these cupcake aprons and snuck to the cash register with a matching one for Aviana. So sweet!

This is how she helps me/us bake in the kitchen ; )

We pledge allegiance, to the PIE, of Two Girls and a Guy PIE, and to the re-PIE-blic, for which it stands, one PIE, under PIE, indivisible by PIE, with PIE, and PIE for ALL!

Let the games begin!!

RAWR.

That's called fancy footwork. Hee. Hee!

Oops...we forgot the main ingredient again!

PIE!

Food fight!

Decisions, Decisions 

Happy Pi Day

Let's just say we've been busy. We have been baking up a storm! We're up to about 4-5 different pies a week. Yep. That's just about a pie a night. Dave said the funniest thing when I asked if he wanted to make, yet another, pie the other night, "I think I'm getting a little pie'd out, aren't you?" I laughed and said, "You should hope not, it's potentially our future business you know :o)

Amy and I are almost done with the, "Two Girls and a Guy Pie" blog. So all things "pie" are coming along. Dave is at a conference tonight, so Amy and I will be celebrating our first annual Pi Day with the creation of another Banana Cream, and a Pear Cobbler. 

I hope the following pictures make you want to run on out for a slice tonight ; )    

This was one of our best ever...Sour Cream Apple!

How we keep on keeping on!

The makings for the best Coconut Cream Pie yet!

Oh yum! This was a hit. For those who didn't even care for this type of pie!

We finally hit our stride on consistency. We were high fiving the night away!

This was our first shortbread crust. The whole thing slid down the side, so I pushed it into the bottom.

I was going to line all these babies up...

But then threw them all in!

Smothered.

This one didn't sound good, but was another that intrigued me...

Buttermilk Pie

Mmmmm....it was sooooo good!!

Shockingly great!

Dave's partner grew up on straight rhubarb, so we gave it a go.

I had only tasted this one time before, and had not liked it. I actually did it this time around.

The makings of a graham cracker crust.

Such an easy crust, but of course, I had to tweak out on it for about 30 minutes.

Wouldn't you know it, I forgot to include the limes in this picture. We couldn't find Key Limes. In the future I will have to either order the juice from Florida, or some Key Limes : )

I decided to use the rind in this one.

I love homemade whip cream so I thought I would do a step by step on this.

I freeze both the bowl and beaters for the best, and fastest result.

   

Ingredients:

1 cup heavy whipping cream

3 tablespoons powdered sugar

1 teaspoon vanilla extract or vanilla bean paste

Beat until still peaks form

Avoid over beating ; ) 

Be sure to take the time to eat all whip cream off the beaters.

Fit pastry bag, and roll sides downward.

Fill bag and smooth all whip cream down toward end.

Pipe whip cream onto pie ; )

Move pie to different locations, until you are happy!

Finally, cut and try a piece.

Cutest egg holders ever ; )

Mel asked if we had a recipe for a Pecan Pie which was made with all butter instead of corn syrup. My gosh ~ what a question...you are so right ~ they are all made with light corn syrup. I'm like you and do not appreciate a Pecan Pie of that sort. You got me on the search and I found one. 

My friend Amy and I made it, and to us ~ it was delish!! Mel, I'm so happy you asked, because I never cared for this pie, and now I love it, so I thank you. Here is the recipe. Check out the reviews. Apparently, majority of people prefer their Pecan Pie this way too ; )

Can you believe we forgot to put the pecans in this picture? We tend to forget the main ingredient ; /

Here we go!

Oooohhhh!! Ahhhh!!

Complete with Pecan shells and all. Booo Hiss! I, and others crunched into them. I told Whole Foods and they were so sorry and replaced them all. They are the best.

Oh well, now we'll make another ; )

Happy Day to you all!