Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Dave's Thoughts

This post is being written by Dave. Jen has been doing such a wonderful job on this blog, but I felt compelled to share some of the thoughts that I have been having. I think the biggest thing for me is how much this whole experience has really put things into perspective for me. I think back to some of the things I would worry about before this all happened and how insignificant those things are now. I used to worry about how soon the stock market would turn around so my retirement account will recover. I would worry about how soon the economy would improve so some day we can maybe buy a bigger house. Oh how things have changed. I used to wake up and hope the Dow was up. Now I wake up and hope my daughter's ICP levels are down so she can maybe come out of a coma soon. I sit there talking to the attending doctor and he is giving me updates on Aviana's status. I can't help but think to myself that this guy just looks like some average guy I would see walking down the street. But in actuality he is a brilliant doctor that because of these circumstances has my daughter's life in his hands. I'm talking to the nurse who will be watching over Aviana for the next 12 hours overnight and she's telling me that she just graduated 2 years ago. 2 years, that's it. Are you sure you know what you're doing? But I reassure myself that these are the best of the best and she works here for a reason. I have to admit there were times at the beginning that I had moments of weakness. I would think "what if I never see my beautiful daughter alive and laughing again" or "what if Aviana ends up brain dead and is forever dependent on breathing machines to live." But then I tell myself how the hell can I expect her to stay strong and fight if I am not. What a hypocrite I would be. I know she will make it through this. I have always said that she is the toughest little kid I have ever met. If there are other kids that have made it through something like this then I am confident that she will too. Today was the first day I went back to work since the accident which means it's the first day she didn't run up to me yelling "Daddy's here" when I walked through the door. I miss her so much.

4 comments:

  1. hello dave and jen. my name is rickie. i met you both a couple weeks ago at maya's birthday party. i saw courtney yesterday at baseball practice and she told me what had happened. i can't know exactly how you are feeling, but i can imagine. i have an 8 year old son named jeffrey. and he is my entire life. i work for uc davis med center and i also believe your daughter's life is in the most brillant hands. this is where i would want my son to be. aviana is the most beautiful, happiest little girl that i have every met. i will pray for her everyday, and for you both as well while you are going through this dramatic time in your life. be strong and keep faith bacause miracles do happen. as you can tell bcause aviana is already a beautiful miracle. please let me know if there is anything at all that i can do for you.

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  3. So nice to read your words :o) PERSPECTIVE - ah perspective...I feel so much the same as you. Maybe not the dow or my retirement, but you get (and know!) the gist of my drama. Aviana's (and Gary's) accident has changed so much for so many. Be it in the way of thoughts or actions, so much good has come from and will conitne to come from this. Knowing where Avi is and what she has been through makes so many other thigs seem...well...petty and insignificant.


    I, like you and Jen, know that Avi will be home. She will notice the floors, point to them and say "Mommy???!!!". Like we were talking about the other night, she will be the one ripping the cords from her. Her personality, character, being, and spirit are all too big, too feisty, and too wonderful to get lost in all of this.

    You (and Jen, too) are so unbelievably strong. Avi is VERY lucky to have you as a father! You are a wonderful provider, friend, husband, role model, etc. Avi will continue to grow and develop her strength and all of these other wonderful (minus the husband) traits from you. You know what they say about nature vs. nurture, right? It must give you comfort to see how strong your baby girl is and know that the strength that you see is you staring back at you! Avi IS part YOU.

    I can imagine that nothing will ever sound as sweet as being able to hear "DADDY'S HERE!!!". It gives me chills.

    I love you.

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