Wednesday, August 31, 2011


For the past four days this has been the conversation in our house.

Dave: We need to cook for Aviana.

Jen: Blah faced and says, yeah I know.

Dave: So, let's cook.

Jen: NO!

Dave: How about a little.

Jen: NO! I don't feel like it!

We both seem to somehow accidentally forget. Needless to say, she has been eating a little of this and a little of that. I don't know when we will ever really feel like cooking again...

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Highly Emotional Girl

With this whole new life we live, I am pretty even keel. I know exactly what causes the downward spiral though. If you are a chick, or know a chick, or know a chick that knows a chick, you probably do too. I usually like to leave it as a thing that goes without say, but I now kind of feel like explaining myself.

I was never really affected by PMS until I experienced infertility. It pretty much subsided again when we were going through the adoption process. After we brought Aviana home from Guatemala though, it was back with a vengeance.  I absolutely despised when it was happening. I was trying so hard to bond with her and it seemed I would take many steps forward, and then feel I was back in the negative numbers during that week. I was quick tempered with her, and was fully aware she didn't deserve it.  It always felt like some freakish monster had come in and taken over my mind, body and spirit.

Since the accident, that one week a month has transformed yet again. I am pretty much good to go all month, and then that week hits, and it is like complete doom and gloom. It feels much like the walls are closing in all around me, and I am left to suffocate. I have a really hard time looking at Aviana in the state she is in, and things that I can normally brush off, or put a positive spin on, cannot be dealt with in that same manner.

Claustrophobia sets in, and tightly wraps the hopeless and helpless blanket around me. As hard as I try, I am always left feeling defeated and deflated. It seems, negative triggers are every which way I turn. I cannot escape them. The sadness I feel is almost unbearable. I not only feel sad, but experience downright anger. I want to beat the hell out of the brain injury beast that has established residency within my girl's beautiful little head. Hate is a strong word. I HATE him, and have no tolerance during that week.

I know you feel it as you read. I take a turn, and keep on going.  This happens every month, and some are much more severe than others. Combining Aviana's birthday, PMS, and losing all of our nursing into one week was truly a detrimental course of events.

The funny thing is, the haze finally lifts and I look back and that person of the previous week is almost unrecognizable to me. I reflect back on my posts and have a hard time seeing the depths of despair I was so desperately trying to make my way through.

Those emotions are all very real though, and I feel I have to walk through them in order to be better on the other side. When I go down...I let myself, to some degree because I know I need to. I need to get it all out. I need to avoid letting it bottle up inside. I do wish the events could be kinder and avoid stacking themselves on top of each other all at once. That's life, I suppose.

Right about now I bet you are wishing you could be around that week. I tell you, good times are had by all ;o)

I finally felt compelled to explain myself, and actually reveal that Highly Emotional Girl who has always felt the need to make her appearances ;o) If you've been around for a while, you might remember this, or this.

Aviana hardly used to ever get upset but when she did, and after she calmed down, we would always ask her, "Are you all better now?" She would look at us with the last remaining tears in her beautiful little eyes and sweetly say, "All better now, Mommy."

I am all better now.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Sporty Spice

For some reason, I thought Aviana looked super sporty in this outfit. You might not be able to see, but she had on a cute little white skirt with her shirt and when she lifted her head, her ponytail looked so cute on top of her head. 

Aviana has been changing over the past week. She has been trying to move her arms more, and through motion, has been asking for me to put her spoon in her hand while she is eating. Lately, she has become much more precise at getting it to her mouth.

Her movements have not only been changing, but her expressions have too. I love her face in the pictures below.

Our friend Christie gave her a blessed pi stone for her birthday. This particular stone promotes wholeness. Aviana has been sleeping with it under her pillow every night, and I don't know if it's that, but I honestly have noticed some small, subtle changes.

Thank you Christie. 

I ❤ you.  

No Thank You

Ha Ha! 

My first thought when I saw this, thanks but no thanks. 

You can take it back ; )

Uh oh, I better watch my back, someone's going to strike me down now...

Friday, August 26, 2011

The Attack of the Flesh Eating Child

Last Saturday we were sitting around the house and there was a knock at the door. It was our first nurse Michelle and her baby Mila. She stopped by to visit and to give Aviana a birthday present. We had spent Michelle's entire pregnancy with her, but strangely had never met her baby, who was now 8 months old.  It was so nice to see them, and her baby is absolutely adorable!!

I thought it was really cute that Mila was so up close and personal with Aviana.

Then, we realized why... Mila was snacking on Aviana's hair!

She kept going in for seconds.

And thirds :o)

I think Aviana was wondering what the heck she was doing, but was still enjoying her company.

She happily obliged once again.

Upon pulling Mila off, Aviana's hair was soaking wet. It was too funny!

Aviana looks like she is wondering if Rainey's got her back...I mean her hair?

Aviana was pissed when she realized that Rainey didn't.

She looks so sweet and innocent...

but then she went from a hair hoarding child to a flesh eating one ; )

Mila decided Rainey was to be her next endeavor.

Hey little Mila want to play?

Rainey is not used to children that can move. The two of them were so cute together, and I couldn't stop taking pictures. I am not used to the 'actions' of a child anymore either...

Doesn't she look unbelievably sweet?

She is actually quite devious : ) Her mom has since gotten her a muzzle ; )

After looking at all those pictures, I couldn't help but remember all the good times these two used to have together...

They were partners in crime.

In every way possible.

Yes, that is a Post It note in her hair.

She had previously been up to no good :o)

Do you see her little Lamby on the table. He was her all time favorite.

I sure do miss these two. The hole they each have left will never heal.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Heartache Hangover

I've had some serious hangovers in my life. I have never had one that even came close to this kind though. A hangover of the heart is pretty sobering! The clincher is, you never even had a good time, so the consequences are not worth the suffering ; ( It's just agony in its purest form!

I feel like I was hit by a truck last week, and as if the impact was not quite enough, I was then run over a few more times. Hmmmm.....maybe that was not the best analogy to use in our situation, but I think I'll leave it :o) I'm sure Gary and Aviana would beg to differ. If Avi were sitting over here with me, she would probably make me eat my words. "Oh really? You think that felt like getting hit by a car? You're so over a few more times? Let me tell you a few things Mom..." Yes, she calls me Mom when she's really upset with me!

Anyway, it has taken me until today to finally feel good again. I am so thankful, because the way I was living these past days was miserable.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

They Say It's Your Birthday...Or Not

I have always gotten really excited about giving gifts. I can barely contain myself, and can never wait until Christmas, or their birthday, or Father's Day, or whatever the occasion may be. If I have it, it is very well burning a hole in my closet, or wherever it is located. My mom is the exact same way, and while I always laugh at her when she gives me a Christmas present in the middle of summer, it turns out, I am the same as her in the gift giving realm!

Dave's birthday is not until September 8th, but his present arrived last week. I wrapped it right when it got here, and made him open it once he got home from work.  He always tries to object, and early on, he used to stand his ground, but I think he has gotten just plain tired of the, "Puuu-lease, please, please just open it, come on, please just this once, just open it" fight. I also explained it was from Rainey and Aviana, so it doesn't count.

Rainey helped was really cute.

Notice the lick marks on it ;o)


I was talking to my friend Cameo, and Rainey was barking at me to pay attention to her!!

I love the attitude in these pictures!!

La, la, la...

'Our Dog'

Also known as...