Friday, April 30, 2010

Fast Money

Do you do yoga or meditation?

Boy, do I wish I did. I tried Yoga once and just about lost my mind. I was way too impatient for that particular class. I am thinking maybe....just possibly, things have changed by now.

I haven't been to the gym since the morning of the accident. Thanks to my family and Michelle,  I am going to start going back next week.  I am excited and thinking it will be the best stress relief!

What ever happened to the driver who hit Aviana and Gary? Were charges brought?

The person who hit them stopped immediately and cooperated completely with the police. This was simply a case of all three of them not seeing each other. I have been asked repeatedly if she was on her cell phone, texting, or on any sort of drugs or alcohol, she was not.  She was never charged with anything, as it was an accident.

I personally do not have any ill feelings toward her and actually am about 3/4 finished with a letter to her.

How is your relationship with God?

My relationship with God is good. I have never been the type to go to church, but I have always prayed daily.  I live my life with the notion that everything happens for a reason. Although, at times, I have a hard time seeing Aviana like this, I trust in the big picture. I fully believe in the grand plan.

You will never catch neither Dave nor I asking, "why us." It's not our style or belief.  You will always hear me saying, "It is what it is." I firmly believe this and am thankful for this idea.

If I sat and dwelled on why this happened or what was going to happen, I would be forever lost. My time is too precious to spend it in that sort of dark and mysterious place.

Every time I visit that line of thinking, I end up in the same place,  nowhere, and in a downward spiral of disaster!

GFA September 2010. ARE YOU GOING????

Are you talking about the Santa Rosa show? I am not going for a few reasons:

1. It is not General Admission and I wanted to make sure I was up close and very personal with my man.

2. The show is on Dave's birthday.

3. I didn't want Dave to be jealous that all of my attention was on Mr. Gary Allan.  That's normally ok with him, but I think he might be a little upset about it on his birthday :o)

4. I thought if he opened a date in Santa Rosa in September, he will most likely open another somewhere closer. Hopefully GA.

5. Are you going?

I do want to see my GFA girl soon :o)

Did I win $10,000? I love Family Feud and always felt I would have been awesome at Fast Money!!!

Truth be told, I would probably have froze....

What is the condiment that goes best with artichokes?


Oh no, I just let my family down :o(

Thursday, April 29, 2010

What Would You Do?

I have just a short series of questions to ask you.

What would you do if your cat had cancer and they advised she be put down?

What would you do if a car hit your daughter and you were told that she would probably never recover?

What would you do if your husband had a stroke and he may not recover and would definitely never be the same?

What would you do if your 5-year-old son had cancer and chemotherapy had a slim chance of being effective?

What would you do if your brother was in a car accident and it was likely that he would be in a coma for an extended period of time?

What would you do if your wife crashed on a bunny slope and actually had a severe brain injury? What would you do if the doctors said she would likely be a vegetable?

One day prior to Aviana's accident, I feel I would have had a better idea of my answers to all of these questions. Dave and I were pretty set in the ways we felt about death, dying and especially the quality of life factor.

I have to say, once you are in the situation it is not black and white, but many varying shades of grey.  You are forced to stumble your way through, gather as much information as possible and make the best decision possible.

The very fact that you are making this decision for another human being is the most foreign concept ever. This decision making process feels so unnatural. It feels as though not one person's life should be determined by another.

I don't usually make blanket statements or venture to think what others may think, but I feel safe in saying, until you are faced squarely with this task, I don't think you now know what decision you would make.  It's not fair to even speculate.

I am deeply affected by something I read somewhere else.  I am sorry for the pain this person may have endured at the hands of another's speculation. This person should have speculated amongst themselves, not to a mom who is going to the ends of the earth to help her hurt child!

Quality of life.  After all this time, I still can't figure it out.

Many may view Aviana as not having one, many may feel she does. Many think she maybe day.

Whatever category we all fall into, the only perspective that matters is Aviana's.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Maybe It's Just Me.....

...but when I see a blog or any other item that says something like, "Ask Me Anything" I feel instantly uncomfortable.  For instance, Oprah is one of my very favorite people and her magazine currently is totting one of these type of statements.  It just makes me instantly stop and want to say, "I'm sorry, who do you think you are?"

I do however feel there is an arrogant way to ask, and a slightly less arrogant way.  I hope to fall into the latter category :o)

Above is the long and short of why you have never seen such a thing on my blog....until now!  O.K. as I write, I am beginning to think I may be the only one with this weird line of thinking.

What I am trying to say is, I feel uncomfortable asking if you have any questions of me, but feel I need to for a few reasons:

1.  Blogger falls short in the follow up category.  Numerous people have asked me questions in the comments section of this blog and I (more often than not) have been unable to answer.  For the most part, these questions have been lost in the shuffle.

If I have answered back in the comments section, I have no idea if that person ever got the response. By the way, I don't even know if the people who asked the questions follow this long-winded story anymore.  I just had light bulb moment, I should have named my blog, The Long and Winded Road :-)

2. My family and friends have often asked me questions, which I thought I covered in the blog, but never had. They have brought it to my attention and advised I include such information.  To break it down, my brain is fried and many times I overlook what is obviously missing.

3. I don't intentionally skip any sort of information within this story. So, if I have omitted something, it was by accident.  I am truly an opened book about everything.

4. I don't want any of you who have asked questions to think that I didn't want to answer or just simply ignored it.  I just don't have a good way to get back to you.

So yesterday, could've been the day before....I was asked, what is the patterning table and what does it help with?

Patterning is done 7 days a week and takes 3 people at one time.  2 people hold one of Aviana's arms and one of her legs and the 3rd person holds her head.  We move her simultaneously in the crawling position for 8 sessions of 3 minutes with 10 minutes between each session.  It takes up to about 2 hours a day.

Patterning is a procedure, which programs the brain.  Patterning is a sensory program for Aviana. With each motion, we are providing her brain with the tactile information of "This is how it feels to move."

So, long story short, if you have any questions....ask! Funny questions, serious questions, questions questions, any type of question :o)  And if you don't, that's great too.

** Kama just let me know that she is opened for questions too. Like, how does a tragedy like this affect your psyche? What's it like to be able to kiss her as much as you want, without her running away? How did you feel when the amount of food on the floor was slashed by 75%?

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

My Michelle

Or should I say “Our Michelle!"

When Michelle walked through the door, she was like a breath of fresh air. I knew she was absolutely perfect within 1 hour’s time. Honestly, for me it is a rarity to say something is perfect.  I never thought I would find someone like her. I thought I would find someone that was good and tolerable. Not great and completely enjoyable!

Michelle posses so many wonderful qualities! I am going to try to sum her up within a few paragraphs, but I can assure you, I will not be doing her justice.

First and foremost she believes in Aviana more than anything. Michelle views Aviana through the very same eyes as The Institute. She is more than hopeful and wants to help Aviana in any way possible.

Michelle and I have the same exact attitude toward those little boxes on the spreadsheet. She is OCD, just like me! I never thought I would meet another.

Michelle only needed everything explained one time and it was as though she memorized it. She patterns like she has been doing it her entire life. Her care for Aviana is a seamless extension of our care. I don’t know where one ends and the other begins.

Michelle is so much fun to be around. She brings so much life into this house. I didn’t realize how desperately we needed that until she walked through the door. I just know Aviana is smiling and laughing on the inside whenever she is around.

She weaves in stories of hope throughout her conversations. She is so uplifting. She is like walking optimism.

Michelle has a knack for saying things that never crossed my mind. One day,  I was describing her recovery as soooo slow. Michelle said it may be slow from the outside, but Aviana is probably making leaps and bounds on the inside. This single sentence stuck to me like super glue. Every time I look at Aviana that is now all I can think.

Normally, the agency puts two nurses on one case. They divide the week up amongst them both. After meeting Michelle, I called the company and said, I want Michelle and Michelle only! I let them know that whatever days she couldn’t be here, I would do myself (thanks Ellen.)

I feel blessed that we were lucky enough to find her, but to have her 5 days a week…..I can’t even put what I feel into words.

I hope you enjoyed the story. Sorry about all the background, but I just wanted you all to know why she is so special :o)

Monday, April 26, 2010

Nurse Hunt - Part 4

I must interrupt our regularly scheduled program to make one small clarification.

We have found the perfect nurse! The perfect fit. The perfect pair of shoes. The one that "clicked" when we met her, etc.  I just wanted to post all of the events that lead us to her :o) More to come on that later...

So the next nurse who visited seemed to be a very nice person. She was pleasant to work with at first with just a few exceptions.

Red flags began to arrive fairly quickly though....

She was extremely talkative and while that may be a great thing for some people, for me it was terrible. The entire goal of bringing a nurse in was to provide a reprieve for me physically and emotionally. A time to decompress and detach myself from total care. I quickly realized this goal was not being met. Many times I felt I could not pull myself away.

The one time I did, I paid for it. I left my parents here with the nurse and it became blatantly clear that she was not able to work and chat at the same time. I returned after about an hour and fifteen minutes and almost NOTHING had been done. My head almost blew off in that very moment. I instantly knew I needed to remove myself from the situation as I was about to tear into her like a ferocious animal who hadn't eaten in about a months time.

I was prescribed Xanex by my doctor when the accident occurred, and only keep it on reserve for special occasions. By special occasions I mean when I feel my head may spontaneously disconnect from my body.  Needless to say, I popped a pill and went to fold laundry until it kicked in.

I returned and calmly explained why I was so upset. I feel that only about 40% of my point made its way through.  She did try to resolve our issue, so I decided to give her another chance.

Things took a very bad turn when she arrived one day and decided to vent about her company to my Mom and I. She asked me to write a letter to her company. I was not so nice this time. All I could think was, I would rather eat a bowl full of worms than battle another company. After all, battling companies is what I have been doing since August of last year.  The very thought of a letter made my skin crawl. I explained this to her in so many words, and I do believe she understood what I was saying this time.

Funny thing was, she must have apologized for venting to me about 4 more times throughout the rest of day. The problem was, they were entirely the wrong type of apology.  They were the sort where the apology is immediately followed by a BUT.  A mini-rant quickly follows the but.  More crap that I didn't have the energy to listen to.

I did not quite comprehend why it was so difficult to understand that I was not hiring nursing care for my health. I was not hiring nursing to gossip about her company. I was not hiring nursing for idle chit chat.  I was not hiring nursing to make more work for myself, etc.  I was hiring nursing to GET A FREAKIN' BREAK!!!!!!!!

This nurse also had a knack for going on and on about the fact that she did not need her job.  She made it a point to explain that because she had 21 rental properties she did not need to keep her current position.

That makes me feel more than comfortable....someone caring for my child who doesn't need her job!

Here's the straw that broke the camel's back:

I teach Aviana to read and since December I have worked hard to create all of her new reading cards. I'm talking hundreds and hundreds of cards.

I took them out at the end of the nursing shift and propped them up against the coffee table.  I was going to complete them once the nurse left.

The nurse took one look at them sitting there and said this, "Those aren't going to work on her." In that moment I had a close encounter of the 2nd kind. My head almost shot off again. Two times within about two days. I have to say, this is not good for ones health.

I will not go into all of the details as this post ended up being 3 times longer than I anticipated. I will just say that I am so sick and tired of people telling me what Aviana can't or won't ever do. I will never listen to this sort of talk ever again and I certainly will not have a nurse working with her who does not fully believe in her!!

Is it any surprise that she never stepped foot back into our home.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Nurse Hunt - Part 3

This one's for you Samantha =o)

So, they schedule another nurse to come in. She was supposed to arrive at 1. At about 1:30 they called and said she was running late and that she would be to my house shortly.

About 2 hours later they called and said she got lost for an hour. I was pretty upset in that moment and told Kenny (one of the most friendly people on earth) that I call bullshit! I'm sorry, I just didn't believe she was lost for a full hour.

I think she ended up being 3.5-4 hours late. I had asked Kenny how I was supposed to be pleasant to someone who was that late. I should add here that one of my biggest pet peeves is when people are late or just completely flake.  I think it is an awful thing to not respect other people's time.

I decided to have an "open mind" and not just dismiss her.

She arrived. I opened the door. Kama took two steps out the door and she said, "Can you grab your dog."  That is seriously the first thing she said! No hi, no sorry I am hours late, nothing. I let her know that Kama was a sweetheart. She then said, "Can you just grab your dog by the collar."  I grabbed her and told the nurse that Kama would be around all of the time.

I understand some people may fear dogs, but at the very same time,  I just didn't think it was a very good first impression, or should I say second impression!

She hadn't even sat down and decided it was a good idea to tell me how incredibly exhausted, tired, and stressed out she was. Not only once, but numerous times and in many different ways. She went off on the very company she works for.

I quickly explained that the job of caring for Aviana is extremely physically demanding and that I could not have a nurse who is exhausted, tired and stressed out. I let her know that this was not a good fit and politely asked her to leave.

The entire interaction lasted about 5-7 minutes.

Nurse Hunt - Part 2

I thought we were finally good to go after everything was resolved with Kaiser. The nurse and a few people from the company arrived on-time and in good spirits.

We completed yet another evaluation, which took about an hour. At this time, and to my great surprise, the nurse chimes in and says she is unable to lift over 10 pounds. I was shocked. I was so confused as to how this small, yet very large fact was overlooked. Avi was weighing in at about 39.8 pounds at this time and this amount had not changed since the last time they saw her!

My gut reaction was to excuse the nurse as I did not want company and I certainly did not want to waste my breath on any sort of training.

She was so incredibly pleasant to be around and ended up staying the entire day.  I have to say, at the time, I was sad she was not able to work with us.

Friday, April 23, 2010

Nurse Hunt - Part 1

I decided to break this saga down into bits and pieces.

Welcome to Part 1.

While still in the hospital, Kaiser went over all of the ways in which to retain a nurse when the time came.  They even recommended companies and let me know who they thought was best.

As you know, I finally succumb to nursing help and dug up my paperwork, FROM KAISER!

I called the company and set an appointment to meet. They were extremely nice. They completed an evaluation of Aviana, including all weights and measurements. We had a full discussion of her care plan and I went over the entire program with them, explaining that I would be needing help with it.  They agreed and asked when I would like to start (this was a Thursday). Apprehensively, I said Monday at noon.

All weekend and into Monday, I was totally on edge. I had a complete and total breakdown to my mom and about 11:15AM. Noon rolls around and no one showed and no one called. I finally got a call later saying Kaiser would not sign the necessary paperwork. They said this never happens and they will get it ironed out as soon as possible.

I got all worked up  for nothing, because this issue did not get resolved for an entire week! Kaiser, the ones who explained the entire process to me, did not understand their very own process.

After a million calls, calls back and even visits to explain from the nursing company, they signed off. Duh!

Needless to say, I was baffled, but not really, this kind of stuff happens all the time in the brain injury world.

I always say, its like the left hand doesn't know what the right is doing.

More appropriately than that....

It's like the left brain does not know what the right is doing!!

Wednesday, April 21, 2010


Aviana is such an amazing inspiration! She is the hardest working Boo Boo in the business. We put her through the wringer everyday and everyday she is such an amazing sport. She doesn't cry or complain very often (except on the inclined floor.) She just does what she knows she has to do.

Through the program she has:

~ strengthened her head control

~ is much more aware of everything around her

~ moves her head all over, especially on walks

~ sleeps on her stomach every single night

~ has still not "tossed her cookies" since January 25th

~ has been able to start eating very small amounts of pureed food

~ her swallow has gotten stronger from all of the masking and practice with food

~ she moves her head from side to side while sleeping to get comfortable

~ she has lost 3 pounds of her weight gain, she still has 5 to go

~ we eliminated one of her medications completely (for rigidity)

~ her nurse said her lungs sound better than a well 3 year old

~ she is doing better coming down the inclined floor

~ she kicks her legs much more

~ she uses her arms (a little) on the floor

~ she has continued to give kisses and has even extended her ration to Dave and her Nana, sorry Gary :o/

~ she has graduated from all of her hospital equipment (suction machine, feeding pump, etc.) It was like a breath of fresh air to move them on out

~ we can feed her so fast now, we used to feed her extremely slow and pray she wouldn't throw it up

~ if I put Tom & Jerry on, she will actually watch some now

~ she pays much more attention to her reading cards than ever before

~ she sometimes will move her legs to help me put her pants on

~ she tolerates and even enjoys many things she didn't when she came home (bath, brushing teeth, etc.)

~ she has an amazingly healthy glow, she used to look so puffed up and was always sick :o(

She has come so far in such a short period of time. I have The Institutes to thank for every bit of progress. I, of course, would love to thank Trina as well, for revealing this hidden treasure to me. We would be lost without them.

I know I may sound crazy, maybe even kind of like a cult member of some sort, but I have to admit, I have been known to jokingly say, "If Glenn Doman (founder of The Institutes) asked me to drink the Kool-Aid, I WOULD!!

How can you not partake in the tasty red beverage when you have been witness to what we have?

Finally, ponytails again!

Dave says I always take pictures of her when she is sleeping. It's true, but it is really the only time I have to take pictures!

Monday, April 19, 2010

Home Is Where the Heart Is

Did you know my counselor gives me homework? There is a certain assignment that I have been putting off for about 3 months now. My mission, which I finally chose to accept, was to pick a place I love, get a room and do whatever makes me happy!

There is no place I love more than my hometown...Tahoe.  So, I got a room in Squaw Valley and was on my way.

As I pulled out of the driveway, I began to feel my responsibilities melt away. With each passing mile, I morphed into an ice cream cone on a hot summer day. By the time I reached my paradise, I was merely a puddle of, "whatever, whatever, I do what I want" all over the floor.

To make a long story short, my trip involved:

~ a nice sushi lunch at Northstar with my dad and brother.

~ a beautiful drive along the most breathtaking lake in the world.

~ an hour of sitting on my favorite pier, overlooking my slice of heaven.

~ a gorgeous, but still germ infested, room in Squaw Valley.

~ martinis in a little Irish Pub in The Village.

~ take out dinner.

~ some flipping through a magazine.

~ a small amount of reading a new book.

~ a, way too soft pillow and thoughts of all of the various germs within the bed.

~ a decision to check out at 1:45 am and drive home.

~ not forgetting to sit in the cool, crisp, fresh, perfect smelling air and take in what Tahoe has to offer at that particular hour.

~ driving away from the most perfect place on earth, listening to all of my favorite music.

~ and now for the icing on the cake, arriving home at 3:15 am and scaring the hell out of my sleeping husband!!

I have always had a terrible habit of abandoning a place at a moments notice, no matter the hour, or any other aspect. As I lightly reflected on my unusual disappearing acts, I quickly realized that they usually involve a hotel room.

It was a great homework assignment, but next time, I am going to hijack one of my friends. My friend Ellen mentioned the perfect phrase in an e-mail last night. Like her, I am a social loner.

P.S. 4 times a charm! I am almost positive we found our nurse.....more to come on that later.

Thank you for all of your encouraging comments at that time, as I was about to throw my hands up in the air and say, " Forget it, I can do it myself."

Friday, April 16, 2010

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Nurse Shmurse

So far....nurse experience = BIG FAT headache :o(

Monday, April 12, 2010

Work In Progress

Thoughts are boomerangs, returning with precision to their source.  Choose wisely which ones you throw.

~ Author Unknown

Just prior to the accident, my life was slightly stale. I was having a hard time finding a hobby, I was kind of bored with my food choices, bored with my workout, etc.  I started thinking about the broken records I would play over and over in my head. Like a continuous track, the thoughts would play on and on.

I started to question all of the records that at some point or another, got stuck and started to skip.

I don't like to go downtown to eat.

I don't like to drive.

I hate sushi.

I don't like to vacation for more than 4 days.

I don't like manicures or pedicures.

I don't like lobster.

I wouldn't like to ride on the golf cart with Dave.

I don't like to go to the movies.

I don't like massages.

I don't like the ocean.

I don't like cities.

I won't eat this, or even try that.

Wow! I sound like a day at the beach.

It was obvious, with each declaration I spit forth, I was creating that reality.  At that point, I decided to re-evaluate the tapes in my head. I wanted to start over in a sense. Reconsider if I really didn't like these things, or if they were just a thought stuck in my head on repeat.  

As I began my journey, I felt completely liberated. I took the approach of, "I don't know who I am, or what I really like!"  I was actually really enjoying this way of thinking.

After Aviana's accident, I was pushed insanely far out of my comfort zone. I took my new thought process and ran with it. I felt like life was so unstable and out of control that, who knows what may happen at any moment, so why not enjoy!  

I tried new foods.

I went downtown to eat. I loved meeting our friends Troy and Anne for dinner.

I rode on the golf cart with Dave in Maui and loved every moment. I had the best day ever.  There was no better feeling than driving a golf cart along the ocean, listening to Gary Allan and Butch Walker and drinking a beer (another thing, I rarely drink beer, it's all about the hard alcohol for me), but a beer never tasted so good.  I even tried my hand at putting.....and knocked it right in!!  

I ate lobster, right in my sushi roll.

By the way, sushi happens to be my all time favorite food now!

While at The Institute we went to downtown Philadelphia. We also took an overnight trip to New York City.  I previously had no desire to go to these places. I loved them both! Who knew?

Although I didn't conquer all of my don't (s), I was on my way.

I continue to be pushed further and further out of my comfort zone with each passing day.  I have found within the last week, that the further I got pushed, the more I was reverting back to my strict, broken thoughts.

I need to know that these thoughts are not concrete.  They are actually quite lucid and I can change them at any point in and throughout the day.  I need to keep that at the forefront of my mind. Especially when I am having a bad day.

I think I'll get a pedicure this week :o)  

Ok, honestly, that thought makes me so uncomfortable.  But I think that's the key, pushing through the uncomfort to see if maybe I might just change my mind.

***  One thing I will never, ever adjust in my mind, no matter what, even though I desperately want to....I will never, not ever, eat a tomato!!!

***  I just have to add one more thing. I refused to listen to even one note of country music until I was 30.  It was forced upon me by an unlikely source and now I LOVE it.  A life without country music is no life at least for me. Oh my gosh, did I really just say that? Yes I did :o)

It just makes me wonder....what's next?

I love suggestions : )

Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Bit The Bullet

It all started with the ever-growing mountain of signs pointing in the direction of being cooped up way too long. Below are just a few, of the many signs.

1. Excessive talking to oneself. Well, actually talking to Kama and Aviana, but by all accounts, appear to be talking to myself. I suppose the question here is, if no one answers back, is that considered talking to yourself? I choose to think not.

2. The same outfit seems to jump out at me everyday. My jeans actually beg me to wear them again and again. From bended knee, they look up and plead, “No one ever sees you, no one will even notice, I promise you.”

3. Daily games of hide and seek with a certain yellow lab. The clencher is, when she finds me, I jump out and say, “Boo!” I scare her about 35% of the time and it makes my day to see a 96-pound dog jump a little! Don’t knock it till you try it :o)

4. In a music library of 14,733 songs and 41.3 days of constant music, I have turned the machine over time and again, to the point of needing more and more songs.

5. Walking around the house inventing things that need to be cleaned, which has lead to hauling the ladder in and out of the house on numerous occasions.

6. It has been a hobby of mine to capture and set moths free my entire life. I have recently met the most challenging case in my history. I have been following this particular beauty around the house for about a week now. I quickly realized this moth will not land and stay long enough for me to capture it, ever so gently, (you know not to touch the dust and render it helpless forever) and set it free into the outside world. Last Thursday I came so very close, but ended up empty handed :o( Maybe he enjoys our lifestyle and doesn’t want to leave. That’s the conclusion I have been left with.

7. And the 7th and most important reason for “Biting the Bullet”…… therapy to the point of insanity. Did you know such a thing was possible? You probably saw this coming long ago. I’m a little slow, and seem to think I can handle it all.

I love my time alone. Alone, alone, alone! I am not a fan of people in my personal space for extended periods of time.

Example 1:

I get major anxiety when the people come to clean the carpets.

Example 2:

I start pacing around the house even if people are working on the outside.

Example 3:

I won’t even talk about it here…. you can just stick me right in the weirdo category. You know, where I belong.

Needless to say, this decision and implementation was a huge part of my awful past week. I was wracked with anxiety, grief, anger, nervousness, sadness, you name it, I experienced it!

The thought of someone else caring for Aviana makes me sick to my stomach. 

Trust me, I am thankful for the opportunity, but at the same time, I am equally horrified.

By now, you may be asking yourself, "What's the moral of this long, drawn out story?"


5 days a week.

8 hours a day.

Big bullet to bite. Right?

Sunday, April 4, 2010

As Long As You're Looking Back

As with every holiday that passes, it seems to be my tradition to post pictures of the previous years.

Why? There is no sense in that. There is no point in posting my favorite picture from last Easter, the one of Aviana and Zoe checking out “the goods” within the basket.

She is gone.

They are both gone.

Move on.

I need to not only listen to Gary Allan, but also, seriously internalize his words and bury them deep within my soul.

Got your feet wet
Got your heart broke
Didn't pan out
Like you hoped

But you played fair
And you swear that
Love had
The damn deck stacked

And you just won’t put it behind you
But you sit and you dwell on the past
Well, can’t you see, you can’t see tomorrow
As long as you're looking back

You had someone
You could count on
You believed in
Bet your life on

But your back turned
And the knife fell
You swear that
Is gonna be hell

Now you just cant trust anybody
Cause that friend was just a snake in the grass
Boy, can’t you see, you can’t see tomorrow
As long as you're looking back

You can't move on
Til you let go
Of what’s gone

No, you're never gonna trust anybody
If you sit here and you dwell on the past
Fool can't you see, you can’t see tomorrow
As long as you're looking back

Got your feet wet
Got your heart broke
Didn't pan out
Like you hoped

I want to thank everyone who posted such heartfelt, comforting thoughts to our family. I think I cried upon reading every single one. I honestly have had one of the worst weeks ever!

I really wanted to write some of you back and was either unable to or unable to comment on your blog. I need to somehow come up with a better way to comment back, it is frustrating me, because you write the best things and I come off as silent, when actually I have so much I want to say back!

Happy Easter! I hope everyone has a beautiful day today :o) 

** Did you notice, I didn't even yell at Blogger today?