Compelled

I have never felt compelled to start a blog, but now I do more than ever. There are many reasons for this feeling: to occupy my mind, to get these horrific feelings out and above all, to let all of our wonderful family and friends know what is going on.  I'm sorry there has been so much confusion today as to where we are and what is going on with Aviana. I decided I need to create this to get everyone on the same page : )

We went to visit Aviana this morning and the head doctor explained a few things to us. He said Aviana's vitals are right where they want them to be, but she is HEAVILY sedated. He said they want to keep just about ALL stimulation out of her room. We were standing there with a duffel bag full of all of her favorite books, her cozy blankets and her treasured lamby. He said that what is BEST for her now is that we go eat, rest and take care of each other because when they start to take her out of the coma he is going to need us on our A game!! He said let them do what they need to do now and then asked us to come back when they need us and do what we have to do. He then said we are welcome to stay by her, but to limit our talking to a whisper. He said we could touch her lightly, but nothing more. It was obvious (in a nice way) it was best we go.

I want her to have every chance in the world, so if we have to refrain from soothing ourselves....so be it! Last night they asked if we could bring some pictures of Aviana to display above her bed. I am having the hardest time looking at any pictures of her beautiful little face. I brought them in the bag, but had decided I could not look at them up in her room. At the last minute I realized, my eyes don't have to go in direction of the pictures, but I sure want them to see what they are working so hard for.

People always wonder what they would take from a burning home. I know exactly what Aviana would take first and foremost.....her beloved lamby! I tucked her little lamb under her arm, and just how she sleeps much of the time, kissed her, whispered I love you and walked away from my baby girl.