Friday, October 29, 2010

Shut Up Train

I have always been a night owl, Hoot Hoot, but in all honesty, I would really appreciate some sleep lately.  For the life of me, I cannot catch a break. 

I wander the halls. I cry. I clean. I organize. I blog. I watch TV. I cry. I do anything I can to try to... 

Distract. 

Distract. 

Distract.

I feel so lost and lonely. The hole where my heart used to be is widened with each passing night.

Once I finally fall asleep around 4am, I am awakened by Dave getting ready for work.  I then, once again, cannot go back to sleep, as I start where I had just left off a few hours prior. Missing my baby.

Below is one of my very favorite songs, and these days, it mirrors my life all too much! 



Shut up train I'm trying to sleep
Can't you show me a little sympathy
This is the only time I can get any peace
So shut up train I'm tryin to sleep

Every time the front door shakes
Every time I hear the breaks
And that long whistle cryin through the night
I'm reminded of the way I feel
Just like that cold black steel
Gettin crushed by your wheels tonight
I don't need no more pain so shut up train

I hope you're happy now I am wide awake
Now I gotta deal with every ounce of this heartache
Why your moving on I'm stuck in this place
It's all your fault so shut up train

Every time the front door shakes
Every time I hear the breaks
And that long whistle cryin through the night
I'm reminded of the way I feel

Just like that cold black steal
Gettin crushed by your wheels tonight
I can't take no more pain so shut up train

Shut up train stop rubbin it in
You've made your point
I gave up you win
You win

You're all the noise all the pain every night same ole thing

Why don't you shut up train go on shut up train

I give up I give in raise a flag let you in

Why don't you shut up train go on and shut up train

Oh shut up train


Shut up train

8 comments:

  1. Losing my one special dog was awful. but I remember when my beloved horse, the one I trained in grade school when he was just 2. I rode so much I wore his shoes in half, we basically did everything together, I trained him to rear and do the spanish walk, at 16 years old there was a freak accident, we tried for hours to save him in the pouring rain with people stopping trying to help as well. I remember the last time we tried to roll him over to keep his blood circulating and the horrible groan he gave, and I just couln't take at and told our vet to put him down. It was so awful, I couldn't drive that way down our road, I couldn't look at the calander and see the day he died or his birthday I would just cry. So it does take time I am crying as I write this but over time it does get better, at least its not crying everyday. I'm sure at some point you will get another dog but it will never be the same, you will never have that same bond but you will still love them. I had had plans of my kids riding him, he should have lived into his 20's or 30's, but instead he died before his 10th birthday, just awful.

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  2. I know its so hard. You are so used to having Kama right at your side 24/7. Dogs are constant companions and they are always there to cry on and hug when you need it. I cried many a tear on my girls soft face. She was such a blessing. Like I said in another post I had to have my parents take her and that first week I was so sad. Not to see her in her usual spots, not to look outside and see her broke my heart. I know how it feels to be missing a big yellow baby. It will get better with time.

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  3. I just hate that you are having to go thru this. Its not fair. I am so sorry, I dont even know you but feel for you. I to have lost pets. I am a huge dog lover and I have had all of them until they died. Only 1 was able to be with as he passed. Cherish those memories and hold them tight. Things will get easier with time. She will never be replaced, ever but you have got to stay strong for Avi. Hang tough girl.

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  4. Losing a beloved dog is such a very painful experience and it will take a while to quit crying. We miss them so terribly; no one is following us from room to room. No one is underfoot when we are preparing dinner. No one wants their soft head rubbed. There is no furry neck to rub our face into. Yes, it hurts and it takes a long time until the good memoriies overtake the sadness, but it will happen. I still tear up when I take the dog ornament out of the Christmas box but then I just hug the new furry member of our family and think of sweet memories.

    ~~~alicia~~~

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  5. Just checking on you Jen. I am sure you are going through a very sad and difficult week. I hope you can enjoy snuggling Avi and let her love fill you. Thinking of you and sending hugs!

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  6. My tears are flowing for you and Kama. In the ever after, I know that there is an extra special place for your Kama and that my Daphne has welcomed her. Love and warm hugs.

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  7. I'm so sorry to hear about Kama. My heart goes out to you...doggies are our best friends and I know you are aching for your precious companion. Thinking of you...

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  8. Jen, I have only commented a few times, but I have followed your blog for a long time. I am the Grammy to two precious Guat. girls who are now 8 and 6. I cannot imagine how devastating all you have been through in the past year+, and now the loss of your angel Kama has to be very difficult. You have not posted in over a week, and I wanted you to know that I am praying for you and of course, for Avi, and hope to hear something on your blog soon. May our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ bring you the peace and grace that passes all understanding. Blessings to your entire family.

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