Wednesday, October 20, 2010


I can't help but feel completely ungrateful at times.  In the deepest depths of despair, I quickly lose focus of so many things...

Great Family

Parents, siblings, husband, majority of my family...still living.

Improving daughter.

Great home life.

Great health.

The best of friends.




God ~ I'm not mad at you. I am just hurting to the umpteenth degree!!


  1. they say God will not give you more than He knows you can handle.....

    YOU & dave must be two of the THE STRONGEST PEOPLE He knows!!!

    i truly admire all that you have endured & overcome as a cohesive family many others would've fallen apart & retreated into their ownselves when faced with the adversity you have overcome

    place your trust in Him and He will see you through this valle of sorrows

  2. My Gosh Jen, I sure wish that I could say something, anything that would make everything ok..or just better..Ya'll have been given so many trials that it is almost unbelievable and you all have handled it with the most amazing courage I have ever seen! I do believe that GOD WILL see you through. That is why I will continue to pray daily for you, Dave, Avi and now Kama! What an amazing Animal! I hope that she can pull through and may God give you what you need to go through this with her! (HUGS)

  3. Jen you are grateful, even if you don't feel it sometimes.
    No matter how much good you have you also have the unbelievably bad. Sometimes the good outweighs the bad and sometimes not. It is like a balance, but ultimately you are the one controlling it to see which side is going to win. You can do this, STAY POSITIVE.

  4. It's definately raining've just misplaced your dancing shoes! Hang in there. Luv ya!

  5. You are such an amazing person who has more strength than anyone I know!! Don't ever feel badly about what you feel!!! Your ability to share your darkest moments with us is a true testement to your strength. You know when you neeed support and you ASK FOR IT!!! I admire you so much for that!

    Your life has had so many challenges these past months. And yet you keep going - every day.

    Ungrateful....I don't think embrace your darker moments instead of running from them.

    Love Jen Jackson's comment about your dancing shoes. Sometimes your day will call for the "happy dance" but it is OK to do the "unhappy dance" too. Sending you many (((hugs))) and prayers.

  6. Strength? Bah!! I am tired of all the hard stuff too! I love you and Aviana. Just keep going... you never know when the miracle will happen.
    You don't want to miss it. You know that I think you are the miracle in the making.
    I really need to see a miracle, so I won't stop watching for yours to come.

  7. I so agree with you, and pray that you and your family can just get a break! Truly, I don't know how you keep taking the punches, but I am glad that you have different supports in place, including the medical type that keep you living, breathing, and blogging! Please let me know what I can do, especially since you have a trip coming up!

  8. Hi Jen,

    I came across your blog from my dearest friend Cameo. I've read all about Aviana and keep your family in my thoughts and prayers. Your honesty in your postings always strikes such a feeling in me.

    This may come out wrong, but for as much as I feel for you with Aviana, it has been your Kama postings that have brought tears to my eyes. Our family, like yours and the others, also lost a member of our family. One year ago, we had to put down our beloved 8 year old black Lab, Beau. I truly expected him to go from old age (the older the better!). Unfortunately, an enlarged heart and tumor made us have to reevaluate our thoughts. After spending that night at home with him, I knew that we couldn't keep him with us. It broke my heart to see the pain and fear with my daughter and husband. Beau had went to work with my husband since he was six weeks old and my daughters best friend since she was nine.

    Having to call the vet the next morning was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Thankfully, they have caller ID and recognized the name because I just couldn't get the words out. On our way in, different contractors of my husband stopped us so they could see Beau one last time. I'm teary now just recalling that day. Some people don't understand the 'pet' connection... but for others, it is like a child. Beau was our third baby.

    My heart breaks when I 'feel' your emotions in your writing. Please know that so many people are thinking of you and your beloved Kama. No decision will be easy but you have proven that you can get through even the worst of things.

    A friend through a friend... Amanda

  9. Life is not fracking fair. I wish I had something uplifting to say, but my heart aches for you guys and life is not fracking fair. ((((Hodders))))
    Fi's mama