Saturday, October 2, 2010

Fixing a Hole

There is a definite lonely feeling within the world I belong to. It's almost as though I don't feel it, but then things happen, and I quickly realize there is a big, gaping hole.  Lately, the way I notice this void is through merchandise. Merchandise of any kind. Merchandise at any time.

This is the pattern I have fallen into lately....

Dave needs a shirt,

or two,

or five.

I definitely need a food processor.

Aviana doesn't have enough Halloween clothes,

and speaking of Halloween,

we need more decorations for the house.

New music,

New music,

New music.

This will look great in my hair,

and so will this.

Kama absolutely needs a new toy,

I love this necklace,

and I gotta have these earrings.

A new dress is just what the doctor ordered,

donations here,

donations there,

donations everywhere.

I think I'll try my hand at sushi,

a book on that,

and a book on this too.

Tank tops in the winter,

sky high heels,

and why not some boots too.

A pseudo leather (animal friendly) jacket for Dave,

and how 'bout one for me too.

Dog treats of every flavor,

and a new drill too.

I am not exaggerating in the least bit. I almost didn't post this, because I am completely embarrassed.  I have decided to, as this is just another aspect of what I am dealing with now.

For a variety of reasons,

I need to stop immediately,

I have nowhere to go in all of my various outfits.

Dave doesn't need another shirt.

Avi has a boat load of clothes.

Kama is perfectly content with a good snuggle, and a trip to the park.

If I continue to donate like I do, I will go broke.


I certainly don't have the time to become a Ninja Sushi Chef.

I have never been a huge shopper, but honestly shopping has never felt so liberating.  I feel like I have escaped the shackles of a rigid, controlled, life and am free to roam and explore.

I sure need to find a new way to feel free,

as this is anything but!


  1. I so know this...I find myself doing the same thing in times of stress....I understand sister...

  2. Oh!!!! I so feel this! We are walking through a time where our Georgia's heart is not doing well. She may have a condition that can cause sudden death but we will not know for sure until we get this heart monitor that I have to figure out how to use and catch one of her what am I doing to avoid the fact that my daughter might not make it??? many places where life is just about things and not illness....
    Thank you for your honesty, it is a gift to me today,

  3. OH MY GOSH!! Maybe we should shop together and convince each other we don't need the stuff we are trying to buy! I understand it completely...when Casey was homebound, and I was "stuck" with him, the second Mike got home there were times when I would run out and buy things..cause I could, and felt like I earned the right to buy it. And of COURSE you have to donate to every cause, because you feel like you understand their pain. At one point in time Mike and I would compete over who got to get in the car to return the videos to the store...old school!!

  4. of course you need a way to deal, relieve the stress, feel fake happy, etc hopefully you can find one that doens't costs so much, and not add tot he stress of where did all the money go.

  5. you said it yourself....and everyone here has echoed the justifications before me.....


    we are ALL TRYING to ESCAPE something that we have no control power.... we can not shut it off.... we can not make it go we do what we can


    i have been on a 'shopping spree' for the past few weeks too......and i absolutely HATE IT!in my right mind i detest shopping ....but in my current state of being i can not curb this endless need

    ..... <3 ~j

  6. Ahhh, I know this behavior all too well. When my mom died, I shopped, and shopped, and shopped. My mom and I shopped together a lot, and well it was therapeutic. I didn't have to think about anything but the items I was buying. I figured, "life's too short" - why not spend it. . .So proud of you for recognizing the behavior. That's half the battle! This is the one trait of my human-ness that continues to be a challenge in my walk with becoming more like Him. I'm praying about whether or not Chritmas involve store-bought gifts this year. . .You're not alone!