Friday, July 24, 2009

Rock A Baby

Aviana always loved when I would hold her like a baby and sing... "Rock a Bye Baby." She would often run up to me and say, "Mommy, rock a baby." I could not resist and would rock her.

Once her ventilator was removed, they said I could hold her. I felt a wave of panic shoot through my body. In one split second a million thoughts came to mind... she just had such a huge morning of change, would she be really agitated? Will I affect the shunt placement? Will I smash her head in some way? Will I trip over wires (I am extremely clumsy) and drop her? Will I accidentally push on her staples? Will she like it? Will I be strong enough so she would feel comfortable and secure in my arms? I declined that day as I felt she should have time to adjust to all that had happened to her that morning.

I ended up having very strange dreams that night about the impending cuddle session. We were at home and she was just as she always was, but with wires all over her. I asked if she wanted me to pick her up and she said, "Yes." I carefully gathered her up and the wires started popping off. I was desperately trying to put them back on and still maintain a safe hold on her. I could not reach the wires or even begin to know where they went. No one was there and I felt freaked beyond belief. How's that for a dream?

I talked to my counselor about it and she said to proceed when I felt comfortable. Later at the hospital, I asked Dave if he wanted to hold her. The look of discomfort shot across his face. We had a good laugh with our friend Christie, Avi's beloved Kafi, (Kathy, her wonderful speech therapist) and our favorite new nurse Lisa. Lisa dug through some notes and determined the doctor had requested bed rest for Aviana.

We went to dinner and were planning on going home, when Dave had an overwhelming urge to go back to the hospital. When we arrived, our little baby was crying. We calmed her down and just loved on her. Lisa said the doctor had changed the order and we were now able to hold her. I decided it felt right in every way. Lisa gently set Aviana on my lap. This was one of the happiest moments of my entire life. She cried a little and Dave immediately started reading to her. She would stop crying every time he was reading and start when he would stop. He continued to read. For those that don't know Aviana~ books are her life!! Aviana did amazingly well and finally we put her back in the crib. Lisa gave Aviana a bath and then we tucked her in. She fell into a deep sleep almost immediately. Yesterday was by far the best day we have had with Aviana.

She is getting better with each passing day!

16 comments:

  1. Tears of joy are streaming down my face (now explain that to my co-workers!). Thank you for sharing your most tender moments!

    Love you guys!

    Janet

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  2. Gorgeous! That is so special. It sounds like a great sign if they are letting her be held!!! So touching. Thanks for sharing.

    D

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  3. I am so happy to hear that you finally got to hold you precious baby girl. I understand how you might of been scared ar first, I would of too. But im sure the second she was placed in your arms every worry disappeared and everything was perfect. I'm sure Aviana was more comfortable at that moment then she has been in a long time. Congradulations on your next step to recovery!!

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  4. I hung onto every word you wrote in this post, and when I got to the photo, it instantly brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry you're having to go through this, but to see you holding your daughter is a reminder of how precious life is. Keep reading, keep cuddling, keep praying.

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  5. That brought tears of joy to my eyes. It is great she is doing so well and no tubes! Awesome!

    I have a son who spent the first 7 years of his life in and out of the hospital. It brought back the memories of holding my baby again after all those tubes came off. (He is now 17).

    Keep talking to her and cuddling. It helps the healing!

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  6. There is not to many things I would get teary-eyed over but that really did it for me. I am so happy things are getting better and the idea of Aviana doing great brings tears to my eyes. Don't tell anyone though, have to keep a tough look, lol. I think about the that tragic day everyday and still picture Aviana and Gary in the most horrible position. You guys are wonderful people and I am so happy that I was able to help your family.

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  7. So beautiful! Awesome progress, way to go Avi!! Sending love and hugs your way :)

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  8. I absolutely love this picture. You both look so beautiful. I am still cheering and praying from the sidelines....your new friend.

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  9. Tears of happiness in my eyes! I absolutely loved the pic! I admire the way you are handling everything, you guys are so brave!
    A big cyberhug to you and kisses to little miss Avi! Still praying!

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  10. What a precious photo!! I am so glad you had such a good day with Aviana!! I am continuing the prayers for her and you!!

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  11. I pray extra hard every time I visit your blog to see good news-it was wonderful seeing you holding your precious little girl-I know God is holding all of you and will continue to pray for her recovery-if there is anything we can do to help you during this time, please post whatever it is!! 

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  12. What a sweet picture. It is amazing how something as simple as being held can help momma and baby heal both emotionally and physically. Being held close to mom or dad can help preterm babies regulate temperature, breathing, heart rate, sleep, improves alertness, increases weight gain, decreases pain, decreases hospital stay length...all from just touch. Give Avi a cuddle for me. :)

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  13. Oh Jen, i cried and cried reading your post. What a special time. I too had a son in the hospital for five weeks and those holding and cuddling times are the memories that stay forever. He's now 24 and I still remember those days!!!

    So glad you stopped by and were able to enjoy this time of reading and holding her.
    Blessings, Rhonda

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  14. Please check into a book called Love You Forever by Robert Munsch It is one of my favorites and I think you will like it too. Prayers and tears of joy that you are all doing so well. V's Grama

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  15. Praying the miracles keep coming.

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  16. What a beutiful picture. I am sure that finally being able to feel her mommy hold her will speed her recovery right along!

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