Wednesday, July 22, 2009

It's the Little Things....

that bring me to my knees. I started to type about our day today and quickly realized I was freezing cold. I usually solve this dilemma with a hot shower. I suspended my note and was about to get in the shower when I realized " soap, that's strange Dave always refills it, he must have been in too much of a hurry." I went into the bathroom drawer and to my surprise there was none there either. I then proceeded down the hall and into the laundry room.

I knew there would be box upon box of soap there. If you know me, you are aware of the fact that I am addicted to Costco in every way, shape and form. If you open any given cabinet in my house, you will feel as though you are strolling down the aisles of that infamous warehouse.

It is not my fault, it has been genetically passed down from my parents. Costco is as ingrained in me as the color of my eyes. Same goes for EVERY member of my immediate and extended family. What I am trying to say is... Costco runs deep! I'm sorry, I got WAY off track, what I was trying to explain is, I opened the cabinet and instead of hundreds of boxes of soap, there was none, NOT ONE!! I plowed through the cabinet in disbelief. How could it be? I didn't understand! Long pause.... yes, I completely understood, actually it made perfect sense. I thought, "Just connect the dots Jen!" I was at Costco the day of Aviana's accident and have not been to my beloved palace since.

Certainly, not because I don't want to. Definitely, not because I don't need anything. The simple truth is I CANNOT bring myself to go. EVERYONE knows Aviana there. The person who greets you at the door, the sample (or as Aviana says "Snapple") people, the checkers and even the person who inspects your receipt upon leaving, they all know and LOVE Aviana. After we would check out, Aviana would say "Mommy, ceipt please!" This meant she wanted the receipt so she could hand it to the person at the door, they in turn, would draw her a cute little smiley face.

Anytime I was there without her, they would inquire about her. Case in point: the day of her accident, they were asking where she was! I have not felt the urge to cry at EVERY single stop through Costco just yet. I made the mistake of going to Blockbuster the other night and that alone cemented my decision to stay far from Costco.

Back to the soap.... I looked high and low for anything that would pass as soap, (didn't think of shampoo, that would have saved me some heartache) couldn't find anything so I thought for a moment, I could....

a) go back to the store which I just came from

b) be dirty until I go to the store again (convince Dave to do the same)

c) go to a neighbor and borrow some soap

d) grin and bear it and use Aviana's Johnson and Johnson Body Wash.

I chose (d) and I can safely say, that was the wrong choice. Tears were streaming down my face as I smelled my little girl. I couldn't stop. My mind wandered to all of the good times we would have in the shower. I would hold her to rinse her hair, she would fill her mouth with water and spit it all over me. She would giggle hysterically! I would do the same back to her, this would go on for quite some time. We would draw all kinds of things on the shower doors.

Tears are falling on my keyboard now as I type these words. Can't see... sorry I have to go for now.


  1. Oh wow! This made me feel so sad. I know exactly what you are talking about the smell. Still here and praying for you, your Aviana, Dave all of you. My heart aches when I see posts like this and leaps on the days you have promising news. My Mom even asks me frequently for updates about Aviana. We are all still praying and pulling for all of you. Big hugs and Kisses for Aviana and for her loving Mommy!!!

  2. Oh Jen big giant hugs. I wish I knew the products you use I would so be on my way to costco right NOW.

  3. The fact that everyone knows and loves Aviana at Costco says a lot about her spirit, your parenting AND reminds me of you! You Jen, have that same affect on people. For instance, my sister barely knows you but remembers you well. Carlos just met you and says he likes you the best out of all my friends. Is it possible she's at all genetically related!??!? She also seems to be as strong physically and mentally as you!!! You looked great the other day and seemed amazingly grounded! Glad to hear things are progressing!!
    Love, Michelle

  4. I was just at Costco. In fact, I'm there about two or three times a week. Oh wait, we're cousins. I never knew it was a weird genetic thing, but that sure does explain a lot! The people at our Costco don't know me. I pass by five (that I know of) on my way home from work and I stop at all of them regularly! :-) Sorry, I digress. I was going to say I wish we lived closer so I could just pick something up for you on my way home!

    I'm so happy that Avi had such a great day today! Forward steps!! I'm glad we were able to visit her last weekend. I had a "moment" with her..she was blinking her eyes and I poked my head around to where she could see me. She stopped blinking and just stared at the stranger in front of her. I said hello to her and told her that we love her. She paused, blinked, then closed her eyes. I think I tired her out. ;-)

    Prayers for continued progress!! Keep the faith!


  5. Jenn,

    I've never met you, but if I saw you, I'd want to give you a big, hug. The little things can break your heart. May God continue to surround you with His love and kindness. He gives great hugs too!

    Tina B.

  6. I am crying with you at the wonderful memories but you are going to continue making many new ones. HUGS