The Guilt Factor

One of the best things about going back to Philadelphia is seeing all of the families we have met. I experience all kinds of emotions while sitting in a room with them. When I am surrounded by these wonderful people, I feel the utmost love, respect, and admiration.

The world of having a brain injured child can be very lonely. Adding an intense program on top, can then be even more isolating. It is so nice to know these families, and feel a connection, unlike any other we have. These people all know, to a degree, what each other are feeling, and experiencing.

I have become really close to one person in particular, though. Her name is Sophie. She, and her family are one of our favorites. They are warm, loving, sweet, hilarious, and everything else!

After we found out about the honeymoon, she and I were texting back and forth. We were talking about how the break is to be a minimum of two months. The reason being, it takes about 4-6 weeks for us to feel guilt-free for the lack of programming. They then say, we have the rest of the time to actually enjoy ourselves!  I told her that I was not going to waste the first month feeling guilty!! I was going to start enjoying right away.

She texted me on the first day of our Honeymoon to see how it was going. I replied, "GUILT. GUILT. GUILT." The truth was, I was wracked with GUILT!!!! I couldn't help it. It felt weird. All of us felt off. We were out of sorts. I had to resist the urge to run over and stick the bag on her face. I couldn't help, but already see her sliding backwards. I know all of these thoughts are quite irrational, but this is exactly what I was feeling. The sick mantra was ringing loudly in my head, "everyday she is not better, she is worse!"

Sophie is seriously the funniest person I have ever met. This next example will not do her justice, but I couldn't help but laugh when she said, "To quote the great Jen, I'm not gonna waste that first month!!" :o)

After I received her text, I was quickly reminded of the fact, and it was true, I wasn't going to waste this precious time, ever! That night, I decided mentally, if guilty thoughts came to mind, I would push them away, just as fast as they had arrived. I will enjoy this time. We will enjoy this time. We deserve this time. I sure as heck am not going to waste one moment of it ;o)

From that mind switch moment, I have really been enjoying it all! I haven't looked back, and now, I can honestly say, I can get used to this!! Living like a normal family....I can do this! Now, I have panic of a different kind....I don't ever want it to end!