Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Tears Fall

Every which way I turn, tears fall.

I feel the loss of Kama in every fiber of my being.  The pain lies right below the surface, waiting. Sometimes I am better at keeping the pain at bay, sometimes I am not. This week, I have been exceptionally heartbroken, as if I lost her yesterday.

The mere mention of her name, tears me to pieces. The thought of her, even lightly, breezing through my mind, instantly moves me to tears.

I have been dripping tears all over town.

Throughout my house, with every thought.

At my brother's house, as I see her picture on the fridge.

As I hug her brother, Zander, hello, and feel his fur, and kiss his face.

When our last moments together flash before my eyes.

At the movies, when my brother went to silence his phone, and her beautiful face was displayed.

On our way to Ben's Bark Avenue Bistro..

When I was talking to Dave, and realized she is no longer on earth anymore.

Sitting here at the computer.

When I accidentally caught a glimpse of her ashes.

When I realize, once again, that I will never smell her again.

With the sight of every yellow lab happily walking down the street.

When my friend innocently asked when her birthday was....passed tense.

I carry her everywhere with me, and I am still devastated by this gaping hole in my heart.

She was everything to me, and I still can't quite believe she is gone!

I miss her so incredibly much!

She was, and will always be, the light of my life.

Her, and Aviana's relationship was one of a kind.

While Aviana was in the hospital, Kama would wait by her door, or in her room for her.

When Aviana came home, after three months in the hospital, Kama knew she was hurt, and was extra protective of her.

To Kama, everyone who came to visit was a threat, she would bark, and wedge herself between them, and Aviana. 

The two of them had the most beautiful relationship. Aviana was so content when Kama was by her side.

This was our second day home from the hospital.

Wherever Aviana was, Kama was by her side.


  1. We have our human children and then we have our furkids whom are also our best friends, companions and more. Our link to a silent understanding. A connection to something beautiful and larger than ourselves.
    Kama will always be with you.

  2. Kama was so much to all of you! Your love, protector, comic relief, snuggler, partner, and she became part of your soul. Remember her with joy and gratefulness that she was with you and that she stayed long enough to help you through your darkest hour. You are blessed to have had that kind of relationship with her. Most people can never say that. I am sorry that you are having a hard time. :( ((Hugs))

  3. Jen,

    Oh gosh, I hope this doesn't upset you. Your entries about Kama are always the most heartbreaking. My Puggle Rufus is a rescue - the moment I laid eyes on him almost four years ago at the pound, I burst into violent tears. So these entries always affect me the most and transport me back to that fateful afternoon, having only just moved in with my then-boyfriend (now husband) away from home for the first time, when we connected for the first time.

    Thank you for always reminding me how lucky we are to have our companions, for they are here with us physically for such a short time in the grand scheme of things, but are always with us in spirit.

    You break my heart so beautifully. Thank you thank you thank you.

    Lots of love from Montreal,
    Olivia xox

  4. *hugs* I still choke up when I go into Emma's room and see the picture of Hawkeye that she keeps on her dresser. They give love so freely without caring about our flaws or talking back, and Kama was such a good example of that. She was there for you through so much. You're in our thoughts and prayers.