Monday, April 12, 2010

Work In Progress

Thoughts are boomerangs, returning with precision to their source.  Choose wisely which ones you throw.

~ Author Unknown

Just prior to the accident, my life was slightly stale. I was having a hard time finding a hobby, I was kind of bored with my food choices, bored with my workout, etc.  I started thinking about the broken records I would play over and over in my head. Like a continuous track, the thoughts would play on and on.

I started to question all of the records that at some point or another, got stuck and started to skip.

I don't like to go downtown to eat.

I don't like to drive.

I hate sushi.

I don't like to vacation for more than 4 days.

I don't like manicures or pedicures.

I don't like lobster.

I wouldn't like to ride on the golf cart with Dave.

I don't like to go to the movies.

I don't like massages.

I don't like the ocean.

I don't like cities.

I won't eat this, or even try that.

Wow! I sound like a day at the beach.

It was obvious, with each declaration I spit forth, I was creating that reality.  At that point, I decided to re-evaluate the tapes in my head. I wanted to start over in a sense. Reconsider if I really didn't like these things, or if they were just a thought stuck in my head on repeat.  

As I began my journey, I felt completely liberated. I took the approach of, "I don't know who I am, or what I really like!"  I was actually really enjoying this way of thinking.

After Aviana's accident, I was pushed insanely far out of my comfort zone. I took my new thought process and ran with it. I felt like life was so unstable and out of control that, who knows what may happen at any moment, so why not enjoy!  

I tried new foods.

I went downtown to eat. I loved meeting our friends Troy and Anne for dinner.

I rode on the golf cart with Dave in Maui and loved every moment. I had the best day ever.  There was no better feeling than driving a golf cart along the ocean, listening to Gary Allan and Butch Walker and drinking a beer (another thing, I rarely drink beer, it's all about the hard alcohol for me), but a beer never tasted so good.  I even tried my hand at putting.....and knocked it right in!!  

I ate lobster, right in my sushi roll.

By the way, sushi happens to be my all time favorite food now!

While at The Institute we went to downtown Philadelphia. We also took an overnight trip to New York City.  I previously had no desire to go to these places. I loved them both! Who knew?

Although I didn't conquer all of my don't (s), I was on my way.

I continue to be pushed further and further out of my comfort zone with each passing day.  I have found within the last week, that the further I got pushed, the more I was reverting back to my strict, broken thoughts.

I need to know that these thoughts are not concrete.  They are actually quite lucid and I can change them at any point in and throughout the day.  I need to keep that at the forefront of my mind. Especially when I am having a bad day.

I think I'll get a pedicure this week :o)  

Ok, honestly, that thought makes me so uncomfortable.  But I think that's the key, pushing through the uncomfort to see if maybe I might just change my mind.

***  One thing I will never, ever adjust in my mind, no matter what, even though I desperately want to....I will never, not ever, eat a tomato!!!

***  I just have to add one more thing. I refused to listen to even one note of country music until I was 30.  It was forced upon me by an unlikely source and now I LOVE it.  A life without country music is no life at least for me. Oh my gosh, did I really just say that? Yes I did :o)

It just makes me wonder....what's next?

I love suggestions : )


  1. Jen, I had my first pedicure for my 30th birthday, belly swollen out pregnant with Dylan who would arrive less than a couple of months later. I had never painted my toenails, didn't want anyone touching them and after the first one, I was sold.

    I am going on Wednesday after work if you would like to join me - a great little place, just let me know!!

  2. h'mmmm well yea....

    i <3 sushi (the cooked raw sashimi for me!)

    i am beginning to like pedicures - i've only ever had ONE was ok

    massage - i ADORE massage...maybe if i had them more than once every 10 years i wouldn't love them so much

    i'll try most new foods...unless they are extremely SNAILS...ewwww!

    if i'm gonna go out to eat it needs to be a NICE me a snob, but i can cook just about anything and do it just as well as the average chef in the average restaurant

    i <3 the ocean....really wish i lived closer to the beach

    driving i can take or leave it...sometimes it's the destination...sometimes it's the journey

    vacations -- 1 day.....10 days...a month.....i'll take it. i am TIRED of working everyday

    golf carts....never rode in one - but i might try it one day

    i am set in my ways....i have my routine....but LUCKILY for routine consists of shaking things up when i feel i have become TOO OCD!!!

    GOOD FOR YOU! keep checking the scrathes on that broken record! scratches can be wiped away with a bit of gentle pressure & then you just might discover that you really love the song that was hiding under the scratch! <3


  3. oh yea....see i am QUITE EASILY distracted....i was posting to comment on your tomatos..........

    i do like them under SPECIFIC FRESH GARDEN PICKED with salt & mayo (ewww! i know doesn't sound appealing at all!) but IN GENERAL i agree with you....not a fan of the red veggie that masquerades as a fruit!

  4. When you are in Phila take a drive to Cape May, NJ. I would love to meet you in person. :)

  5. Come visit us here in Florida and I'm sure you'll decide to LOVE the beach!!! :) I'll even take you out for sushi...but I won't eat it!!! :)

    On a side note...can I just say "Thank You". I am truly overwhelmed by your generosity!!! I will pay it forward!!!

  6. Speaking of which, when are we going to dinner again? I keep asking Troy to talk with Dave at work, but I don't think we can leave this in the hands of the boys, because it will never happen :) If you have time, drop me an email and we'll plan it.

  7. I know an awesome massage therapist. :)

  8. Hahahaha, I knew why liked you so much. Tomato's are just plain aweful. You won't catch me eating them either. Blah!

  9. Jenn I miss you. I would love to see youn and Avianna. I agree with Jillian we do know of a great massage therapist. Ms Jacqui can do an awesome job.

    Love Debby

  10. Oh Jen. How I love you and your delightful friends. And how brave you are to push the envelope and learn more about your inner self. I feel very badly for all of you tomato-haters though. The thought of a fresh-from-the-garden tomato, still warm from the sun, with a bit of salt on it, the juice running down my arm as I bite into it like an apple - oh the joy of it makes my eyes roll back in my head. I am sad that you will not know the joy of this. But it's a happy little kind of sadness because when you hold it up against the deep sadnesses life can bring, it's just a wispy thing.

    Re the nurse thing: when you find the right fit, and the right groove, it will make a dramatic difference in the quality of your life. Truly.

    I pray that it goes well for you.

    Every day I send hugs. I hope you get them.

    Sandy (are you on Facebook: I am, as Sandy Watt Arndt, and would love to be friends)