Friday, October 28, 2011

The Plight of Two Friends

Good news ~ I feel I have turned a corner. I am so thankful to be feeling so much better. I can't pinpoint exactly why, maybe because the month of October is almost over, maybe because Oprah is the gift that keeps on giving through her show Lifeclass, maybe because we made a few more pies, maybe because it's cyclical, or maybe just because. Whatever the reason, I am grateful!

I do however have a post that I just didn't have the heart to publish at the time, as it was just too painful for me.

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Aviana has this best friend named Lily. Before the accident they were inseparable and had the absolute best times together.  They were both from Guatemala and brought home a little over a year apart. Lily's parents, Peter and Sarah, are two of the best people you will ever know. We are so lucky to call them our friends. We used to get together and while the girls were running amuck, we would drink and talk about how amazing their bond truly is. We looked forward to a future of watching them together every step of the way.

Then tragedy struck.

I will never forget the first time Lily saw Aviana after the accident. Aviana was truly unrecognizable from how Lily had last seen her. I have always thought Lily to be one of the sweetest, most loving little girls in the world, but nothing could have prepared me for how this little sweetie handled her first interaction with her beloved friend. Lily was so brave that day and most of all, she was as loving as she had always been toward Aviana.

Ever since the accident, and every time Lily is around Aviana, she treats her with only love and respect.  She brings certain toys over that she thinks Aviana will want to play with and while Lily is around her, she talks to her and holds her hand. She sees only her best friend.

I had been having a really difficult month already, but this exchange of e-mails kind of sent me over in a heart wrenching, yet loving way.

Hey Jen,

Avi looks really cute in her backpack.  I'm glad she is adjusting to it.  Umm and the stander and your reference to Silence of the Lambs classic.  Had me in stitches.
So I'm writing you cause I've been struggling with whether or not to send Avi an invitation to Lily's party.  On the one hand we love Avi.  Lily has already been telling her friends about how they need to be careful around her friend.  On the other hand I know and understand how you feel about kids birthday parties.  But how rude of me to ask to borrow your camera and then not invite you to her party.  And I really wouldn't want you to think we forgot about Avi or that we didn't want her to be at Lil's party.  So I've included the picture of the invitation so you can open it if you'd like.  If you feel up to it we'd love to see you and if not we completely understand.  

Love ya, 


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Sarah ~

I bawled my eyes out reading your e-mail. For so many reasons...because you are so sweet. Because Lily is so sweet and caring. Because Lily still loves Aviana and treats her so well and wants everyone else to treat her well. Because Avi got hit by a car. Because our lives our so freakin difficult. Because a simple birthday party causes so much struggle for our friends and us. Because I need to talk to Dave and get back to you. Because you guys are the most amazing friends ever and I am so thankful to have you. Because Avi has been forced to enjoy her best friend's party from a totally different perspective. Because I have a hard time getting out of my own way these days and doing what is best for Avi and parties rather than what is best for me watching her at a party.

You are the sweetest, most thoughtful, loving friend and I will thank you one million times for how you are.

I'll get back to you soon. I am sorry I can't answer now. Life is just like that now :o(



P.S. And once again...I can't stop the tears :o(

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I love you Jen.  I cried when I read your letter.  I want you to know I think it's ok to protect your heart. You are faced with heartache on a daily basis and I think it's ok to be guarded when it comes to parties. I didn't go to a shower for 4 years after losing Lucy. I didn't lie I simply said it's not time for me yet.  So anyways either way I love you and understand your decision no matter what. 

Love ya, 


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We are so beyond fortunate to have friends like these. I have no idea where we would be without them. 

Thank you Peter, Sarah and Lily for being exactly who you are!


  1. You are so right I have a friend like that who is truely understanding. I only know Sarah and Lily thru their blog and they always have seemed like a wonderful family. If you think Avi would enjoy it that would be so wondeful but I don't know how you do around children that age doing the things your daughter should be doing. Kind of like beign around pregnant people and unable to have your own children but I would suppose a million times worse. I think of you all the time and try not to take healthy kids for granted ever.

  2. I'm so glad you have supportive friends and a support system. God knows you have enough on your plate, it's nice to know you can at least show other people what is on there.

    Love you.

  3. Jen thank you for your kind words about my little familia. I am so sorry that this invitation reached you in one of your darkest months. I am happy to hear as the month comes to a close that your spirits are brightening and that this wave of grief is coming to a close. Lily has amazed and inspired me when it comes to her friendship with Avi. She does not understand the calamity of what happened to Avi. And I've made some parental blunders as I've tried to help her understand, but she knows she loves Avi and she knows love is forever. If only everything could be so simple. Love you guys, Sarah

  4. This brought tears to my eyes. It's so wonderful to be understood. Friends like this are truly priceless.

  5. Everybody needs a Sarah and a Cameo and all the other good friends of yours I haven't "met" yet. God knows you deserve them!

    Did you happen to watch Oprah's Lifeclass this week with Gary Zukov and the story of Baby Ryan? I thought of Avi through it all and it made me cry, but also was very thought provoking.


  6. Lily is such a little sweetheart! What a truly amazing friend for Avi to have. I am glad to hear that things are looking a little brighter for you lately. I wish that I could have been with you to help you through the darkest days. Hopefully, the sun will start to set in more and more. :)

  7. I'm so glad you feel in a good place right now. Keep on praying and reading God's word and He will continue to bring you peace you didn't even think you could have!!