I had spent the last few weekdays writing my chapter on Aviana. My deadline is July 31st. I am not usually a procrastinator, but once I started writing, all of the various reasons revealed themselves to me.
As I was writing last week, this is what I wrote below...
I tell you, it is really hard to see the screen through tears, and a wet keyboard doesn't really help either. Going back to my early blog posts, and reflecting on all that has happened to us, is wrecking havoc on my soul. As I read what I wrote, I am torn to pieces with sadness, and can't stop the tears. I have never once gone back to the early days of the accident, and much of what I am reading, I have forgotten. I am currently re-living it all, and the word 'sad' just can't even touch what I am feeling.
There is one other feeling mixed in with the sadness though, and that is amazed. I am so very amazed by Aviana. As I go back, I have a really hard time believing she survived. In so many words, and so many times, they told us it was "over." We used to always call her a spitfire, and now looking back, I feel it was a premonition of things to come!
She fought her way back into this world, and we are going to fight, just as hard, for her!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
Hi
ReplyDeleteMy name is Jenna and I came across your site. Aviana is an amazing, beautiful, precious, and special miracle. She is a courageous, strong, and determined fighter. She is a brave warrior, smilen champ and a real inspirational hero. Your family has been through so much, yet you find it out of kindness in your heart to reach out to others who are in the simular situation as you are, and that makes you a wonderful, kind, caring heart of a person. I was born with a rare life threatening disease, and have tweleve other diseases/medical conditions. I wish you and your family epecially Aviana all the best in your fight. Your family Aviana, and Gabby's family will be in my thoughts and prayers. I love it when people sign my guestbook. www.miraclechamp.webs.com
oh do be careful my precious SS...
ReplyDeleteWhat you are doing is eerily similar to "Exposure Therapy" and, according to some in the trauma-therapy field, can kinda wreck havoc to your mental happiness.
As much as Avi is a victim and experienced trauma, you and yours did too.
Please take it little by little. Immersing yourself in those details, swimming in them, dwelling on them...well...it can be to much for a Momma.
Obviously, you have to remind yourself of the minutia of the incident, the feelings you had then...just go easy.
I love ya and I'm super proud of you for writing the article. You continue to help others while fighting your own war. A war which you will win.
SSS
Andrea
(btw: I learned about the slight stereotype against 'exposure therapy' during my search for a PTSD therapist. Unlike normal, i'm not just blowin' hot air ;)
Jen,
ReplyDeleteI have been mostly away for the last week due to treatment and thesis work - reading this today reminds me of where Aviana gets her steadfastness from. Never give up hope or your positivity and just look at how far you've come.
Olivia xoxx
I know that you will always believe in her and you always are and will stand beside her and fight. You all need each other to push and pull through the many battles, but you are already the winners. You have accomplished so much and fought so hard. Everything will be okay.
ReplyDelete