Friday, April 1, 2011

What a Week

It has been a weepy week around here. Tears are falling all over the place. Tears, tears, tears.

I cry...

watching how hard Aviana works to play with her doll.

when I feed her, and watch how far she has come, and how much faster she is eating her meals.

when I watch her drink her water.

when I go into her room to check on her, and she looks like a perfect little angel.

when I am doing her hair, and trying to avoid all of the extensive scars on her sweet, little head. I am reminded of all she has fought through.

when I change her clothes, and look at all of the other various scars all over her body.

when I look at her, and admire how hard she works of her life.

when she is lying on me, and I feel her breathing. I can't help but think of how hard her heart worked to continue on.

when I think about her watching us walking back, and forth, popping up, and down off the couch, smiling, laughing, joking, feeding her, bathing her, clothing her, hugging her, pushing her hair out of her face, all of the things she was once able to do herself.

when I reflect back through the week in order to write this.

This list doesn't even scratch the surface, or even include Kama.

What a mess.


  1. Allow those tears to fall and let it out when you need to...try to visualize it as a cleansing of the mind and soul. I loved seeing the video of Avi. I'd love to arrange a visit next week if you and Avi are up for it!

  2. I am sending you a big hug! Sorry that you are having such a hard time. Sending positive thoughts your way.

  3. OMGosh! I go away for a few days, get busy at work, and I miss so many posts! I've missed highs and lows, and I've missed you!
    1. Most embarassing moment; can't think of one, probably because there are so many, just on a little scale. Maybe chanting, "Water is for wimps at a party one time when I didn't know I was pregnant with a kid that needed 4 heart surgeries???
    2. Harpo is lame if they don't pay attention to you. ESPECIALLY the hearwarming answers about the accident, and the fact that you finished the letter.
    3. Great job finishing the letter. Even if she never responds, it's great that you "accepted" the accident.
    4. Dora rocks. There is a long-haired Mermaid one for the bath!
    5. Is the week over? Cry when you want. Eat when you want. Crawl in a hole when you want. Give patterning "the finger" when you want :)

  4. tears are good.
    even the saddest tears serve a purpose
    let them flow

    the road is long. you have ALL come so far. yet your journey has only just begun.

    avi is a special girl with special parents family and friends........

    <3 u!!!!!