Monday, April 11, 2011

More About You Mondays

I really appreciate you for sharing your stories with me. I am thirsty for insight on how others deal with pain, grief, and loss of any kind. Your stories seriously touched my heart, and I admire you for how each of you continue to push through ;o)

I have had quite a few struggles late in life. With my latest tragedies, I have been forced to develop more advanced coping skills. I am so thankful to have been under the wonderful care of my counselor. Her name is Maggy, and I thank my lucky stars for her. She is that great ;o)

I have always been the type of person to make sure everyone else is doing okay, and if not, I try my absolute best to help. There is nothing I love more than people being happy, and peaceful. I avoid drama like the plague. After the accident occurred, I carried on my responsibility of making sure everyone else was okay. I tried my best to be as strong as possible for everyone else, and worry about myself later.

Insomnia took on a whole new level, and in the dark of the night, I would fall apart. I am a worrier by nature, and during these hours, I would let it all out.

All of my life, I had wished I were the type of person to live in the 'now,' but due to my nature, I could never achieve it.  The first months were insane. I would end almost every night in a downward spiral of worry about Aviana's future, our future, the future of my parents, etc.

I worked closely with my counselor at the time, and she would help me to not borrow worry, and to always, cross that bridge when we came to it. It all sounded like things I had attempted my entire life, and had never succeeded.

After a few months of all out worry, and misery, I slowly, but surely developed these skills. It was not because I suddenly 'got it', it was simply because the alternative was devastating.

Early on, I had found the perfect quote, and held on to it as though it were my motto ~

"Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles, 
it empties today of its strength." 

I knew I needed all of the strength I had for Aviana, so I worked and worked, and then suddenly it just became my new way of life.

I learned that you can be sad, and walk through all of the difficult times, but that you can experience all of this, without turning yourself into a tweaked out terror.

This is the single greatest lesson I learned in dealing with grief, and loss. I have learned to not let it consume me.

I can honestly say, I have never once said 'why me' throughout this entire ordeal. I have a good grasp on our life's plan, and I firmly believe everything happens for a reason, even if we can't see it at the time.

The loss of Kama put me over the edge. I miss her so terribly much, but am so thankful for all I had gone through, and learned with Aviana. 

While I am still so very sad at times over my girls, and even though, at times, I feel like my heart is being crushed in a vice, I have many of the skills in place that I so desperately needed.

I do know I have a long way to go on this journey, and am currently trying to learn how to handle the layers, upon layers of grief. I know there will be more to come, so I am a student who will never be done learning new ways.

I am not one to pat myself on the back, but I am very proud of the fact that I don't let myself travel down the 'what if' or 'coulda, shoulda, woulda' road very often. I don't allow myself to ask, what if Aviana never walks? What if Aviana never advances beyond where she is now? What will happen to Aviana after Dave and I are dead and gone? The last one is the most difficult, and used to keep me up at night. It still brings tears to my eyes, but that's all. I don't explore it any further.

We do what we can with therapy, and make sure to put all of our finances in order for the future, but beyond that, the rest is in God's hands. I feel comfortable in knowing that I am doing all I can.

As you know, the other ways in which I deal with pain, is through music, blogging, and gathering from others who have been down a similar path of grief, and loss than mine.

I pray for strength, and guidance everyday, and do my absolute best to not be a bitter, angry individual, who takes their anguish out on others. I know, full well, that does nothing to help, and only to hurt.


If you haven't already noticed, I am quote crazy!!

Can you please share your favorite quotes with me??


  1. "Feed your fears and your faith will starve. Feed your faith, and your fears will."
    — Max Lucado (Fearless: Imagine Your Life Without Fear)

  2. yesterday is a memory
    tomorrow is a dream
    TODAY is for living


    A brief candle both ends burning
    An endless mile bus wheel turning
    A friend to share a lonesome time
    A hand shaker and a sip of wine
    Say it loud and let it ring
    We're all parts of everything.
    Present Future and The Past
    YOU'RE FREE AT LAST........ charlie daniels in memory of lynard skynard


    To Love is To Live
    To Live is To Love


    Footprints in the Sand

    One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.

    In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints, other times there was one only.

    This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints, so I said to the Lord,

    “You promised me Lord,
    that if I followed you, you would walk with me always. But I have noticed that during the most trying periods of my life there has only been one set of footprints in the sand. Why, when I needed you most, have you not been there for me?”

    The Lord replied, “The years when you have seen only one set of footprints, my child, is when I carried you.”------Mary Stevenson, 1936

  3. Ooh, I love More about you Mondays almost as much as I love you ♥

    Here are mine:

    "Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.” - Marianne Williamson

    "I cannot imagine a God who rewards and punishes the objects of his creation and is but a reflection of human frailty" - Albert Einstein

    "Imagination is everything. It is the preview of life's coming attractions." - Albert Einstein

    “Follow your bliss and the universe will open doors for you where there were only walls” - Joseph Campbell

  4. This is my favorite quote...I go back and read it from time to time and really remember to not allow my worries and thoughts rule my life.


    "Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

    – Ralph Waldo Emerson

  5. God grant me the serenity
    to accept the things I cannot change;
    courage to change the things I can;
    and wisdom to know the difference.
    Living one day at a time;
    Enjoying one moment at a time;
    Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
    Taking, as He did, this sinful world
    as it is, not as I would have it;
    Trusting that He will make all things right
    if I surrender to His Will;
    That I may be reasonably happy in this life
    and supremely happy with Him
    Forever in the next.

    **Beautiful post, by the way. It touched me in so many ways. I've had to learn those lessons as well, and it is so true. I don't need to be a tweaked out terror. ;)

  6. I have yet to hear a quote that inspires me or gives me strength..... but I can tell you about a 100 that I abhor and make me want to go insane. Wait til I email you the doozy I got tonight, you won't believe it!!!!

    Again, you are so amazingly strong and I admire you for that.

    Love you.

  7. Thank you for posting your struggle, Jen. You really are a beautiful writer and so in tune with others around you. Here are my favorites:

    "All things splendid have been achieved by those who dared believe that something inside them was superior to circumstance." (Unknown)

    "Be not the slave of your own past. Plunge into the sublime seas, dive deep and swim far, so you shall come back with self-respect, with new power, with an advanced experience that shall explain and overlook the old." (Ralph Waldo Emerson)

    "I am not sick. I am broken. But I am happy as long as I can paint." (Frida Kahlo)
    "Come and get high. Get high and come." (Michael Snow)

    "This guy's like Ghandi, but better. He likes puppets." (Forgetting Sarah Marshall)

    "Everyone who goes to war is a loser. You cannot win in war." (Dr. Jean Belisle)

    "A God that can be understood is no God. Who can explain the Infinite in words? (W. Somerset Maughan)

    "Some artists want your money so they can buy Range Rovers and diamond bracelets, but I don't care about that kind of stuff. I want your soul." (Lady Gaga)

    "Humankind cannot bear much reality." (T.S. Eliot)

    Do I contradict myself?
    Very well, then I contradict myself
    (I am large, I contain multitudes.) -Walt Whitman

    "Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it became a butterfly." - Chinese Proverb

    When in doubt, show up early.
    Think less.
    Feel more.
    Ask once.
    Give thanks often. Expect the best.
    Appreciate everything. Never give up.
    Make it fun. Lead. Invent. Regroup. Wink. Chill. Smile.
    And live as if your success was inevitable, and so it shall be.

  8. Can I just say first that I am very proud of you and Dave. You both show such strong love and committment to Aviana. (I'm old enough to be your mom, I suspect, as our oldest daughter is 28.) Reading your thoughts today of all you have been working on to help you and your family through this journey also makes me thankful God has been there to provide for you through your counselor, family, friends, and others who share with you of their own journeys through grief and pain. I'm struck when I read your blog at how young you and Dave are to be going through this difficult journey with your daughter. And I'm also struck with the strength and committment you both have. Some of the lessons you have been forced to learn would be a challenge for anyone of any age, and I truly admire all the work you've both done to be the people/parents Aviana needs.

    She is so beautiful. I love the photos of her with her uncle. I have doubled my prayers lately in asking God to "awaken" her to the world and to continue healing her.

    No quotes today, just Phillipians 2:3, one of my favorite verses. If I truly did "nothing from selfishness or empty conceit", I would be living out the gospel for others to see. I think that one verse sums up so much of what God wants from me, to serve others and keep life in perspective. You are such an example in that, as you serve your family by being your best for them. Just don't take on the responsibility for anyone's ultimate happiness, as those aren't yours to carry. As you say, those things belong to God.

    Nancy in the Midwest

  9. "The days are long, but the years are short."

    I read this quote in the signature line of someone once and it really stuck with me. It reminds me that soon I'll be an old lady wondering where all the time went.

    Your post meant a lot to me. I struggle with the same things you have worked on.

    I saw a psychologist who told me to focus on my life as it is TODAY. I get weighed down with the monotony of life. It can really be a grind sometimes. She told me to think in terms of -- I've never lived an April 12, 2011 before. I should experience today for what it is and to appreciate the newness of each day. With God's help I can apply this most days :-)

  10. "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing-" By Helen Keller

    This quote helps me especially when the paralizing fear and "what ifs" try to stop me from doing things. The quote really takes on meaning when you think about the persone who said it, Helen Keller. A woman who faced such huge adversity and could still think positivly. Amazing!


  11. Ok....favorite quote:

    I beleive in the sun even when it is not Love even when I am alone...and in God even when he is silent

    Its on a picture in my kitchen.

  12. "Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles, the won'ts. Listen to the never haves, then listen close to me... Anything can happen, child. Anything can be."

    - Shel Silverstein