Monday, April 30, 2012

A New Day - A New Way

Aviana starts school tomorrow. I am so excited for her. I think she will love it. We have decided on two days a week. We also decided to send her on the bus.

They came to check her wheelchair last week, and I just had to take a picture of the cute little, (or short if you prefer ; ) bus. She will be the only one riding. I just know she will thoroughly enjoy the entire experience. 

I, on the other hand, will be a wreck. At least at first. As my mom always says, "everything is difficult at first, and then it gets easier." Such fine words, from such a fine mommy. I can't imagine sending her off to school...disabled. The most difficult part for me is - if anything were to happen, she's not able to tell me. That rips me up inside and causes me to lose sleep at night.

Oh well, it's what's best for her and so it will be.

Like I have said, I've been slightly out of sorts with this headache medication and so all weekend I was asking Dave, "are you sure we have everything ready for Aviana for school?" Well, today I figured out the answer to that question and it was 'no!'  We were at the mall and I didn't even think to get her a new backpack. So I went online, and of course the one I want is catalog only.

What to do. What to do. Do I dare brave the drawer? You know the one. The one that contains many of the things we can't bear to see from before the accident. Do I unbury the backpack I searched many towns to find for when my healthy child was off to preschool? 

Well, I decided to bring the darkness to light, because these are the very things I feel I need not be such a wuss about. When the Little Lady and my eyes first met, I can't hurt like hell. Actually, all the moments thereafter felt the same. It's amazing the damage a simple, sweet, little ladybug can ensue on one's earthy soul.

As I sit wiping away this steady stream of tears, I think - there's really something to be said about wussing out!

Avi ~ My Love

I wish you the best first day of school ever. I will miss not being able to kiss you anytime I want throughout the day!

I pray you are surrounded in the most kind hearted people your school has to offer. My hope is that all those people sought those positions purely for their love of people such as yourself. Because you my love, you are something extraordinary. 

And by the way, if anyone hurts you...I will find out, and I will hurt them too.

All my love to you,

Your Mommy


  1. Oh Jen, who knew a little ladybug could be so vicious and rip out a heart so strong as yours.

    I'm so very proud of you for sending Aviana to school. It's hard enough to a healthy brained child to school, I cannot imagine how you must feel but I'M. SO. PROUD. OF. YOU!!!!!! And Aviana!!!

    Asa is standing here next to me reading my whole comment. He says the following:

    "I'm so proud of you! I think you're going to do well. I love you."

    Valentina says:

    "I hope you have a great school. I love you Avaiana."

    Our family loves you and good luck to ALL of you tomorrow as I know you'll be counting the minutes from the time you wake up until she's back at home. Can't wait to hear about it!

  2. I am so happy for Avi and at the same time, I can totally understand your pain :^)

    I keep typing and erasing as I have so much to say and not really sure how to say it so I will just say that I love you all and wish you the very best experience tomorrow. ♥

    Can't wait to hear how it all went. Also, if you need some backup to take down anyone who dares hurt our little girl, I am so there!

  3. Oh wow! Have a great day at school Avi!!!!!! She will love all of the new experiences and kids I am sure!! I know how hard it will be for you. Oh my gosh, I can't even imagine it. But it will be fine and you will both adjust. I am wishing you good luck for the big day! Love you!

  4. Good luck Aviana!! I think your momma's words are amazing and I will pray that your school offers wonderful new experiences for you and shows you the love that you deserve. Jen, you are exceptional. It is hard for any mom to let go and accept the changes that school brings. I pray for peace for you as you adjust to the new situation. God Bless you all.

  5. I'm cheering you on and hoping this experience is everything I know it can and should be. They're going to love her.

    I have a good friend who has adopted 4 disabled children and she has always said that her kids need to be better dressed and better behaved to be accepted by their peers. Avi has that covered in spades.

    You are in a school district that has an excellent reputation. I expect they will live up to it. We, of course, want daily report cards....on the school/teachers, not Avi because she will be excellent. And, we'll need pictures!

    Some of "my" parents used to follow the bus to school the first day. We will understand if you do that.

    I will be thinking about you all day.

  6. I am so happy that she will be able to go to school, I'm sure she will love the change, and a chance to grow herself. I don't want to send my able body child to kindergarten so I can't even imagine what you are going thru.
    Love the lady bug backpack I'm glad she's getting to use it again.
    Take care

  7. This is so exciting! I can't wait to hear about it! FWIW, I made Cici a bag JUST like her brother and sister, and they all carry their bags to school. We also send her on the bus, and I think she loves it, and as a bonus, I really believe that the bus drivers and all of her teachers and aides see what an amazing girl she is, and she has broadened her and their worlds, and it's awesome. I love school for her. I hope the same for you and Avi! (It was hard the first day though. I did follow the bus).

  8. I hope Avi had a great day at school today! Riding a bus, new surroundings, new faces, she's going to think Wow, this is so cool! I'm so happy (& relieved) to hear that the school has a good reputation in the community. Jen, I hope you don't worry *too* much. What a cutie backpack - Audrey loves ladybugs, too.

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