Tuesday, September 1, 2009

You Know You've Been At The Hospital Too Long When.....

* you can navigate through the UCD maze while typing on your phone.

* you know exactly which turn in the maze always smells like fast food.

* you memorized the weekly soup schedule.

* you can make it to the pediatrics gym in 7.2 minutes flat.

* you know all nurses, doctors and therapists by name.

* you dream about the hospital and all its glory.

* you find great joy in watching other families go home.

* you find great sadness in watching new families arrive.

* you can grab and suction your child's mouth with cat like reflexes.

* you know how to change hospital bedding as though you worked there.

* you know how to work a feeding pump and tube.

* you know how to administer all medications.

* you know how to provide oxygen if needed.

* you dream about dirty pillow cases.

* you are unaware of just “how hot” it is outside.

* the parking booth attendants know you.

* you know there is a parking validation sign, but that they haven't done that sort of thing in years.

* you know that the neurotic use of alcohol based sanitizer results in your hands peeling in a snake like fashion.

* you know you can eat a roll of fresh fruit mentos in about 1 ½ minutes and a roll of stale fruit mentos in about 2 minutes 24 seconds.

* once in a while, you can show the nurse where something is located.

* you become immune to the fact that quarantined rooms which contain children with H1N1 are close by.

* you sometimes smell the hospital at home.

* you win Solitaire at least once a day.

I have many more, but I will spare you the details!


  1. OOOOOHHHHHH how I can relate! I had that soup schedule memorized too...though I never ate any of it! Is the crazy, grumpy female cook at the grill still? She's a winner!

    And have you experienced the looks of pity when the custodians actually get to know you and your child?


  2. 2 minutes and 24 seconds to eat a roll of stale fruit mentos?? D*mn you're good! I guess I need to practice more!

    Love you, Cuz!!


  3. Have you tried the cheese steak? I was surprised by the grease factor. :)