Sunday, September 27, 2009

The Fork

There’s a fork in the road. Which way should I go? Should I go right or should I go left? Oh yes, that’s right... I don’t have a choice.

When the accident first happened, I felt as though I had been begrudgingly shoved down a road I wanted nothing to do with. I felt I was kicking and screaming all the way down! One thing was certain; I was continuously being propelled forward whether I liked it or not. No matter what I did, I could not stop the monstrous brain-injury wheel from spinning.

At the time, I felt this was the first time in my adult life where I did not have a choice. This was a very unsettling feeling and completely overwhelming. In a past post I reflected on infertility and came to the conclusion that I had a choice in that matter....I chose to adopt.

If I am being honest with myself, I may not have had a choice in that situation and moved on to the next option. At that time, we were faced with the choice of IVF or adoption. For us, adoption felt like the natural next step.

If I think about my current situation, no, I do not have a choice as far as what happened. What’s done is done. There are however many options in how we proceed. I can make choices every single day. I can choose to be positive about the situation and help Aviana to the best of my ability. In the past three months, I have been working so hard to drop the control freak which resides within me. At this point, it serves me no good, productive purpose.

My goal is to do everything humanly possible to help Aviana while maintaining a good, happy home life. There is a single lyric which has always been one of my very favorites. After the accident, this lyric really held new meaning.

It’s not the cards we’re dealt, its how you play the hand.

~Radney Foster


  1. You guys are doing the right things! God Bless you both - Aviana is in the best hands possible. So happy to see things moving in a positive direction. I get so choked up as I read through your posts. Thanks be to God for the power of prayer and for the resiliency of children and the strength of spirit. As Oscar says when he prays, "Thank you God. Amen!"

  2. Be that this was something you never dreamed would happen you are doing a great job taking care of Aviana!!! She is so lucky to have you, Dave, Brenda and Gary in her life and she is so loved. Love can go a long way and it can do amazing things. I have seen for myself the progress she has made and I have seen how much more comfortable and happy she is. Just being home with the two of you has made a big difference. I forgot to mention Kama. Kama has helped her too. Now that is a great gift for Avi to have her doggy she loves near her.

    I just know things will continue to get better and better. You know that if you need anything we are all there for you. We can take of Avi, we can run errands, we are there for you even if you just need to talk.


  3. No one ever wants their children to be hurt. It is the worse thing imaginable! You are such a strong person and so open and honest. You often make me look at my life in a different light.

    You are right, it is how we play the hand we are dealt.

    Praying for your strength to continue and for Aviana's strength to get stronger too.

  4. Hi Jen,
    The more I read your blog the more I get to know you, and I feel like we are so much the same person. So I came across this prayer the other day and thought of you.

    Dear Lord,
    Teach me to live this moment only, looking neither to the past with regret, nor to the future with apprehension. Let love be my aim and my life a prayer! AMEN!!

    This is now posted in my bathroom, because I too tend to stress about what mistakes I have made in the past, or worry about what lies ahead. This reminds me to focus on now and live in the many moments that would otherwise be missed and lost in our worries! Hope it helps.