In all of the sadness, there are so many moments when I look at Aviana and just know I can do this for the rest of my life. While I am experiencing those times, I try to be as mindful as possible. I hold onto them for as long as I can.
When I am feeling great sadness, I try to remember those positive moments. I find I am constantly reaching out in order to get a hold of them. Often times though, my grief is all too tangible and in the pitch dark it is so very hard to see the light. The opposing force proves to be a little too far out of my reach. At times though, I have also found that I am simply not willing to stretch myself any further.
Whatever the case, I am thankful that this life is a constant revolving door. I find comfort in knowing the bad moments will pass and that it's merely a matter of time. I am eternally grateful for the cyclical nature of this life. For so long, I was hopeful and positive. This past year, I have been a little lacking in both of these areas. I do know though ~ if I've done it once, I can do it again.
I know there will always be ups and downs, but my goal is to always strive to be on solid ground and hover somewhere close to the middle.
I better get back to my girl, as we have been swinging high lately : )
As I read and reread this post, I think you've found the balance of parenting a child with disabilities.
ReplyDeleteLove you,
Dixie