Thursday, July 22, 2010


Today started of good, and then all of a sudden a forceful wind ripped through and snatched up just about every bit of positivity! It is gone, gone, gone, and nowhere to be found. I wish I could just run up to the store and buy some more!

It all started with the gym. I got there, and had forgotten that for this week our class was to take place in the main gym, instead of the step room.

So, what's the big deal?

Well, many, many memories have been locked behind those main gym doors. As I walk by, I always devert my eyes elsewhere.

I used to walk through those doors 4-5 days a week and drop a certain little someone off at childcare.

Today, that very same childcare room was positioned squarely, smack dab, in my face...for an entire hour. I wanted to run, but couldn't.

I saw Bianca, who used to care for Aviana.

I saw a million other, perfectly healthy brained, children coming and going.

I saw their mom's dropping them off.

Picking them up.

At one point, I actually saw Aviana's sweet face as she caught a glimpse of my return.

I could hear her little voice screaming, "Mommy's here!"

I could picture her arms outstretched, as she was running toward me.

I could feel her hands grab onto my legs.

My typical sad feeling was not what arrived today,

pure anger lodged in its place!


  1. Jen you need to allow yourself days and thoughts like these and not question why you have them. They are a part of who you are and what your life used to be. Remembering that life as it was helps you build the life as it is now and is to become. You need to vent, get it out, grab it by the horns, and eating some chocolate might help too! This would be one of those times where, as one poster put it earlier this week, USE US, USE US, USE US. I hope you feel better soon and if not VENT AGAIN GIRL!!!!!

  2. Wish there was more I could say or do to ease your pain...


  3. memory is a double-edged sword

    <3 you jen (((((HUGS)))))