Thursday, October 24, 2013


As Aviana began refusing more meals, something else happened. She would pick and choose whom she needed to share her wishes with. It was incredible to see her in action. I told you about when my Mom and Gary came to visit and no matter what they did, she stared straight through them. I didn't tell you the details though. I had told my mom briefly about her refusing, but that night, Gary knew less. I am convinced that Aviana felt she needed to show them her lack of enthusiasm. She was completely fine before they arrived, and became totally despondent and detached the entire time they were over. Once they left, she was fine again. I was beside myself.

I know this girl like the back of my hand. I saw her behave like this many times, in regard to changes I needed to make as well. I know this may sound off the wall to some, some may completely understand what I'm talking about. 

At the time this was happening, I brought it up in one of our Hospice meetings. I then understood it to be a stage of the entire process. I thought it was going to linger and continue to worsen as time went on.

On a subconscious level at first, I began to mirror some of Aviana's actions. I realized I was actually detaching a little from her. It made me sad, but I couldn't help it. I suppose it was a defense mechanism or something of the sort?

An interesting thing happened though. After Aviana showed everyone her needs, and they were validated...the phase was instantly over and thankfully never returned. Once again, I mirrored Aviana and was right back by her side. It was an interesting, and necessary stage - I guess for both of us.  


  1. I am thinking of you and the family daily. I am hoping that you continue to find peace and strength as you an Aviana go through this transition. She will always be with you and in your heart. Soft hugs to you all.


  2. You said it perfectly, you know Aviana like the back of your hand. You learn so much from her. She also validates you and you validate her by respecting her wants and needs. Like you said before, your lives with both continue, just not together. That sucks. It always will suck. And I'm not adding a "but...." here.

    I'm simply saying I love you. I love Aviana. I love Dave, I love Rainey. You are one of the beautiful families I've ever met and had the honor of becoming friends with. Plus the girls in your family are all easy on the eyes, especially Rainey :)

  3. YOu know your daughter. You have been with her this whole time so of course you can see herself expressing herself even if she doesn''t have the words to do it. I have worried and felt heart sick for your mom and Gary, I cannot imagine what they are going through. I cannot imagine what any of you are going through, and am thankful for that. For them, though and I know for you, all those "what ifs". I knwo you did a post about the "what its", or at least I think you do, I know it's something you would have to get passed, but the grandparents and the guilt I"m sure that is still there even though they aren't guilty.
    There are lots of us in Washington loving your family, take care.

  4. Our whole family is praying for you folks!!!

  5. I love you Avi. I guess I kind of knew something was up. I have been avoiding your blog for about a month. I was a daily visitor, but, even before I clicked Avi's beautiful face/link I have, I could feel it through the interwebs. Avi is such a strong and intelligent soul. That is the thought that flows through me as I catch up on all you have shared. She amazes me and so do you. It is so strange to have such divergent thoughts. I have gone the hospice route. It kind of reminds me of one of those funerals on the river. Where the deceased is put on a boat and pushed to the middle of the river where the river takes over and sends the soul to its finality. You have to push them away and you want them to stay and they are gone but they are here but they want to go but they want to stay. And that circle just keeps going around. All in all, I feel its validation of the infinity of love and that is where that circling around and around of the infinity sign comes from. And, sometimes, everyone is present in the middle of that symbol, together, in complete understanding, love and compassion and grief and joy. (HUGS) and prayers of peace, strength and joy to you, Avi, your husband and family.