Saturday, October 12, 2013

Along the Way

Everything has happened so incredibly fast this past month, yet sometimes it's felt like I'm watching in slow motion. The learning curve has been immense.  

Since the end of April, we have been working with Palliative Care. Recently Aviana's needs evolved. At the time, we transitioned her to Hospice. 

Between Palliative and Hospice, we've met some of the best people this life has to offer. With very few words on our part, we have never felt so 'got.' Imagine that 1950's house calling, black bag carrying, warm smile wearing, always there for you, doctor. That's everyone in Palliative and Hospice. They are the modern day 'that guy.' Yes, they're that good. But the difference is...they're real. They're not just an image, a picture, a fake - plastered on some billboard, or in some magazine. They are real life, flesh and blood. 

They live in a world in which most people are afraid. I used to probably be the most terrified of all. Ask anyone in my family. If the word death was even mentioned, I did one of three things: immediately shut down the conversation, broke into tears, or like a magician - vanished into thin air. Yes, that bad. I had a lot of growing up to do in that area, and someone up there knew it! In a short period of time, I had to face the 'd' word straight on with Zoe, Kama and Aviana. There hasn't been anywhere for me to run. 

I've learned a few things on my own, but in meeting with Palliative and Hospice, I've learned the most. They have an unbelievable understanding and acceptance of death and dying. I've learned further that it's not what I had so long ago's not all bad, dark and scary. Although extremely painful at times, it can also be quite the antithesis. 

For this stage in our lives and on our journey, we have all of them - as much, or as little as we want... 

I am grateful. 

We are grateful. 



  1. Jen,
    You are entering this part of the journey so beautifully. I am speechless and in awe. It is so deep and has so many levels, this life of yours. I always used to dread the hospice before my dad was in there. I avoided eye contact when I had to drive by it. Then when my dad was in it, I too realized that it is heaven sent. They are there to make it better. That is all. They care about the person, the comfort. I am so thankful that a place like this exists for those who need it. I know that I don't know all the details of this past month with you guys, but I know that you are surrounded by great people over there and they are helping you through this chapter. Please know that you, Dave, and Avi are in my prayers. Always.

  2. Yall are taking a road not traveled that often, but it is the right road. I applaud your choice to let Avi choose. May God be with all of you in the days to come. Vicki, Grammy from Memphis

  3. I love you. You are beautiful, inside and out. You are strength redefined.


  4. Your beautiful family and especially Avi are in my prayers. Wishing you all peace.

  5. Thinking of you Jen and sending hugs and comfort your way as you so courageously make the best decisions for sweet Aviana. You are all in my mind and praying for peace and strength as you continue to do what is best for Aviana. The picture is above just leaves me speechless - so much love.

  6. Dear Jen,
    This is the first time I've ever commented on a blog. I don't really remember exactly how I stumbled onto your blog about 2 weeks ago but when I did I quickly became so invested in Aviana's story that I read every entry from newest to oldest. Your way of sharing both the good and the bad times you've had with her journey over the years just drew me in and made me feel like I could just reach out and touch little Avi's sweet cheeks. I have actually woken up in the middle of the night thinking about her and hoping that one day I would be able to read about her amazing recovery and see a picture of her first big grin. Now that I've finally finished the blog I went back to see if you had updated in the past week or so. My heart breaks to know what you are having to go through now but knowing that you have support from such great people along the way puts me a little more at ease. I just wanted you to know that there is now one more reader on your side praying for Aviana and you and your whole family. Sadly, I really don't think there is much more I can say at this point. I will continue to check in on your blog and Avi will be on my mind and in my heart.
    Prayers and hugs to you,