Monday, October 14, 2013

Hurts So Good

Sometimes, I want to run as far from you as possible, but force myself to stay.

Sometimes, I want to stay so badly, but the pain is so deep I must force myself to leave.

Sometimes, I want to turn the clock back and have you all to myself.

All the time, I know that's not right for you, me, or any of us.

All the time, I can't make it through reading our favorite books together without crying.

Most times, I can't kiss your sweet face without thinking I won't be able to anytime I want.

All the time, I memorize your soft skin with my fingers so as never to forget.

Sometimes, there is nowhere in this world I would rather be than with you!

Sometimes, I think of a day without you, and I have to stop...

Sometimes, I have to leave the room because I've cried enough in front of you.

All the time, it's beyond words to watch you fade away.

Sometimes, I am so happy for you not to be in this broken body anymore, my heart leaps!

All the time, I love our heart to heart talks.

All the time, I love to cuddle you up in the nest with Daddy and Rainey.

Sometimes, I am incredibly sad when you don't eat.

Sometimes, I am incredibly happy when you don't eat.

All the time, I love crawling into bed with you in the morning.

Most times, when you are despondent - I can handle it, as I understand.

Sometimes, it makes me want to leave home and never come back.

Sometimes, when you are gone...I will smile in a big way.

Sometimes, I won't.


  1. Beautifully written! Your sweet little family is always in my thoughts. Sending vibes of strength, love and peace from afar.

  2. I am speechless, yet you, in the midst of it all, wrote it so beautifully. Aviana is one lucky little girl!

  3. Sending love and thoughts from NY

  4. I imagine being in your home is like being in Heaven. Nothing but pure love resonates from there. Know that your family is in my heart every single moment. You are making it possible for Aviana to leave this world with such love , dignity and grace. Beautiful!

  5. Oh Jen. I have been following your blog since Aviana's accident and my heart breaks for you yet I am happy that you are able to find some peace in the midst of the storm. Beautifully written post. Giving Aviana her dignity is the best thing you can possibly do for your sweet angel girl. Prayers, good thoughts, and hugs for you.