Sunday, February 28, 2010


Often times, I think to myself, "I wish I could have Aviana, with her perfect, unhurt, unharmed brain, back for just one day, one hour, one minute!"

We were on a walk yesterday, and these exact words were about to run straight from my brain, right out my mouth. Actually, a few had naively escaped just prior to my realization.

In one quick moment, I became all too conscious of the fact that I do not want one day, one hour, one minute, or even one second with her, as she was, and as I am now!

For that would be a cruel, sick, twisted joke, and all I would be left wanting is.....


and more,

and more,

and more,

and much,

much more.


  1. Yes, I completely know what you are saying here. As much as I would like to go back in time and have just one minute with the old Audriana, really, it would not be a good thing. I wouldn't want that girl snatched away from me again. It happened once. I doubt I could live through it again. It would be a cruel joke to have that girl back for a minute and then suddenly gone again. All the old feelings would be raw, and no way would I want to feel that again.

  2. I just don't know how to even comment on this Jen :( I feel your pain completely. It's hard enough running scenes of her old life in my memory......

  3. Don't know what to say. So sorry and still praying for you guys!

  4. Hi Jen. Long-time reader, first time poster... (Well maybe 2nd?)

    I'm a spiritual girl, with my own limitations. But I find comfort in this: "Give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:18"

    Someday, every "why" will be answered.

    I am not qualified to offer advice - I've never walked in your shoes. I offer you a hug, even if it's a cyber hug. You will get through this, because your love for her IS big enough. (No matter how much you doubt that, btw). It is not a normal life you live. It is full of hope and goals and dreams.

    What can you be thankful for? I challenge you to make a list today, or reread a thankful list you have already written.

    My husband and I pray for your little one everyday, and have for many months. She is a gift, and every improvement she makes now is a joy.