Sunday, February 28, 2010

Realization

Often times, I think to myself, "I wish I could have Aviana, with her perfect, unhurt, unharmed brain, back for just one day, one hour, one minute!"

We were on a walk yesterday, and these exact words were about to run straight from my brain, right out my mouth. Actually, a few had naively escaped just prior to my realization.

In one quick moment, I became all too conscious of the fact that I do not want one day, one hour, one minute, or even one second with her, as she was, and as I am now!

For that would be a cruel, sick, twisted joke, and all I would be left wanting is.....

more,

and more,

and more,

and more,

and much,

much more.

5 comments:

  1. Yes, I completely know what you are saying here. As much as I would like to go back in time and have just one minute with the old Audriana, really, it would not be a good thing. I wouldn't want that girl snatched away from me again. It happened once. I doubt I could live through it again. It would be a cruel joke to have that girl back for a minute and then suddenly gone again. All the old feelings would be raw, and no way would I want to feel that again.

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  2. I just don't know how to even comment on this Jen :( I feel your pain completely. It's hard enough running scenes of her old life in my memory......

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  3. Don't know what to say. So sorry and still praying for you guys!

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  4. Hi Jen. Long-time reader, first time poster... (Well maybe 2nd?)

    I'm a spiritual girl, with my own limitations. But I find comfort in this: "Give thanks in all circumstances. 1 Thessalonians 5:18"

    Someday, every "why" will be answered.

    I am not qualified to offer advice - I've never walked in your shoes. I offer you a hug, even if it's a cyber hug. You will get through this, because your love for her IS big enough. (No matter how much you doubt that, btw). It is not a normal life you live. It is full of hope and goals and dreams.

    What can you be thankful for? I challenge you to make a list today, or reread a thankful list you have already written.

    My husband and I pray for your little one everyday, and have for many months. She is a gift, and every improvement she makes now is a joy.

    <3

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