Tuesday, February 2, 2010


I love music.

Lately, this lyric has been speaking to me:

“I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all.”

The girl I used to be would have thought, “No way.”

The person I am today says, “Absolutely!”

Before the accident, there were many times that I felt nothing while caring for Aviana. As painful as it is to admit, there were also many times that I felt less than nothing.

I now ache for Aviana. My heart sinks to the bottom of my being and actually breaks for her on a daily basis.

I have walked on both sides of this predicament and can say, without a doubt, “I’d rather hurt than feel nothing at all.”

The incessant pain can feel so unbelievably awful at times, but it sure has its own unique way of making me feel alive.

Hurting means I love her so deeply. Hurting is what drives me to do anything and everything for her.


  1. Babe...I am so sorry. I just found your blog and am now following. My little brother killed himself in April and I hurt every single day.As a mother myself now I cannot pathom the pain that you or my mom feel on a daily basis. I can just reach out to you and let you know that I am here for you....

  2. http://nano.cancer.gov/learn/now/clinical-trials.asp