Monday, February 8, 2010

Confessions of a Brain Injured Child's Mom

1. I no longer have the time to do all of the things I want for family and friends.
2. I always heard that 3 was the new 2, I have no idea what everyone was talking about.
3. I think our handicap pass is a perk, tempted to use it when Avi is not in the car...BUT NEVER WOULD!!
4. I sometimes find it hard to go to parties, but force myself because I know it's best for all of us.
5. I feel pangs of sadness on a daily basis for the mom I was prior to the accident.
6. I won't allow myself, but for the first time in my life, I can fully understand how someone would turn to drugs or alcohol to numb the unrelenting pain from within.
7. I learned to be careful for what you wish for. I always wanted a baby that I could hold and love and now I have just that.
8. I always wanted to live "in the moment" and now am forced to. It is not at all over rated.
9. I wish I had a child who talked back to me.
10. I can't return phone calls, e-mails, etc. as quickly as I used to. It drives me insane!!
11. I don't have enough time to follow all of the blogs I wish to.
12. I want my friends to still come to me with their problems. I don't want them to think, that I think, that they think, that I think, they are trivial or unimportant. That was fun.
13. I think that pain is pain and don't like to get in the comparison game of who has more.
14. I have become a complete recluse because of the accident and therapy.
15. My new social life consists of my blog, doctors appointments, Facebook (holy crap, did I just say that?!) and a few face to face encounters with family and friends. Yep, it's a fact.
16. Asking for help is one of my biggest challenges to overcome. In now having to, I have been pushed so far out of my comfort zone. Thank you to everyone who helps us, especially my "patterning peeps!" You know who you are :o)
17. I wear the same outfit two days in a row, as it is one less thing to think about.
18. I think I have been amazingly lucky in life, but realize in the kid arena.....not so much! I have stumbled every single step of the way.
19. The way this blog formats itself drives me to want to gouge my eyes out with forks!!!
20. I don't want friends and family to feel funny or awkward around us.
21. This blog was and is the most unexpected blessing. No matter how overwhelmed, I do my best to take time out to write. It is as though I have found a hidden treasure buried under a rock. I have found this to be my favorite kind of therapy. I am so thankful for this little spot and all of you who care enough to read about our family's journey!


  1. Jen...I can so honestly say that YOU and YOUR family have been a very unexpected blessing to ME!! You honest words inspire me to be a better mom..really they do...and your words and insight also make me think that maybe, just maybe, because of you...that I could possibly be as strong and brave as you have been through this journey. YOU are a blessing and I thank you for sharing ALL of the 'good, bad and ugly' with your new found 'stranger friends'...for letting US into your lives as well! We Love little Avi and are so cheering her on from the sidelines every step of the way!

  2. I, too, feel that pain is pain. There is no way to measure who's is more or who has it easier.... other than one woman who sissy heard a few months ago say in Target "I'm so tired I just want to DIE!" Sissy said "get cancer, you'll never say that again!" THOSE people irritate me :)

    And I love (well, not LOVE, but appreciate) everyone else's problems, ESPECIALLY the trivial ones (from my friends) because it does help take my mind a tiny bit away from my life.

  3. Funny what Janice posted, because I was going to say the exact same thing. I was going to say that you are an UNEXPECTED BLESSING to my family!!! I love reading your posts...they are so real and so inspiring. I wish I could be half the mom you are. I wish I could come to the point where I am not as selfish and would be willing to do anything and everything for my sweet Tessa. I'm so overwhelmed...I'm not there yet...I wish I could say that I'm not the one stopping us from going to the Institutes, but I am. I wish I didn't feel so horrible about it. Maybe someday I will be less selfish...I'm so glad you aren't like me!!! God knew that Avi would need someone as amazing as you!!! I will continue to pray for you and your strength!!!

  4. You can always holler if you need help with the blog. :)

  5. Lily in her four year old thought process
    (when I asked her how Avi was)
    I thought you-all went to the park. She went
    on and on and on.
    Still thinking this all happened a park!
    Her Mommy tells me what all you are doing
    for your wonderful child.
    I am so amazed by you my dear.

  6. Jen, Remember that the Mom...daughter...sister...friend...wife you were - has prepared you for the person you are today. Change any bit of your history and you would not be who you are today.
    Take care,

  7. Ditto on the blessing are definitely important in my life. And now that you've confessed you are a recluse....I'm coming to get you!! Even if we stay at your place!

  8. True confession.

    Sometimes I wear the same outfit two days in a row, if I know that "Day 1" viewers are different than "Day 2" viewers......and I don't really have a good excuse.

    Rooting for you as always,

  9. I wear the same stuff all the time! Shhh...just like Ellen (above)...if I know the people who see me on "day 1" won't be where I am on "day 2" then why the heck not? =)

    You know what's funny...Seinfeld is on TV right now and it's the episode where Jerry starts dating a woman who wears the same outfit all the time. I kid you not. I'm LMAO (even though I know people reading this aren't). =)

    Love you, cuz!


  10. A great confession - My own confession is that several of yours are my own, so it's a MOM thing. And since you don't like to compare who's in "more" pain, and you want others to still come to you (albeit I'm not a friend of yours, but an avid blog follwer), your post made me want to confess myself. . .I too have confessions to make that I'm not proud of. I also have a few that have been squelched after reading yours. You continue to remind me that we are human, that we should live in the moment. Thank you for sharing your life, confessions and all!

  11. I had something witty and smart to say I'm sure I did :) but now I can not remember what it was cause all I can think to say is that your new blog is beautiful and oh so perfectly Jen. Love ya, have a wonderful day I'm off to figure out how to add a new botton to my blog!

  12. Your new blog is beautiful!! I have been following it for a long time. Your transparency and your writing ability both amaze me. May God wrap His arms around your family and bring hope, love, endurance, and peace that totally passes all understanding. Vicki (Grammy to 6 - 2 from Guatemala)

  13. Hi Jen-

    I got your comment and yes, you can link to my blog.

    Thanks, Star

  14. The new setup looks GREAT!

  15. Jen, For many months now I have wanted to write to you. How can we say we enjoy reading your blog when the story is so sad; but I completely understand. Our family has also experienced an accident in which my grandson; at the age of 2, was hit by a pickup truck and suffered 5 skull fractures. I truly understand the saying that something good comes from somethnig so sad. I pray for Aviana every day and share your story with family and friends whenever possible. I also pray for you and your husband and family. But I know you have already grown in ways you would never have dreamed of before. I hope you feel the prayers and well wishes from all of the wonderful people who follow your story. Your are a special family. Costanza13

  16. Just saw the new blog design, GREAT!!!! I love it! Mom saw it first so I had to look it up too :) It looks just like you, you know, because I know you so well, LOL!!! Love you Jen.

  17. Your new blog design is beautiful!

    I, too, am "stuck" at home most days with two newborns. They won't grow up here. They'll leave and be replaced by two new newborns. I wear the same thing two days in a row....somedays I don't even get dressed. Facebook is my friend, my link to the outside world and adult conversation. I don't even feel guilty....most of the time. It's good to know there are other people living parallel lives.