Wednesday, August 25, 2010


I had a vision of all that I wanted for my child, way before she was ever even born.

I wanted her to ~

Be happy.

Be healthy.

Do well in school.

Play sports.

Be a carefree child and teenager.

Go to college.

I wanted her to ~

Have the best experience.

Work hard.

Be self-sufficient.

Have great morals.

Be kind.

Be giving.

I wanted her to ~

Meet someone.

Fall deeply in love.

Come home and visit all the time.

Share all of her exciting news with me.

Travel the world.

Have a deep love of animals.

Get married, if that is what she wanted.

Decorate her first little home, with me by her side.

I wanted her to ~

Maybe have children.

Raise them, surrounded in love.

Be part of a happy family.

As I heard the words...

If she survives, she will most likely not be able to walk, talk, eat by mouth, and possibly not be able to see or hear....

I vividly remember every conceivable dream come crashing down in one single moment.

As we worked endlessly throughout the night installing our hardwood floors, I remember pausing, mid-board and emphatically telling Dave....

I cannot have a child that can't walk.

I cannot have a child that can't talk.

I cannot have a child that can't eat by mouth.

I cannot have a child that can't see.

I cannot have a child that can't hear.

I have found myself with just about ALL of the above. What I have discovered is that I can, and I will!

I have a new and improved vision for my little girl.  This image is drastically different from my old one.

I want her to be healthy.

I want her to be happy.


  1. Reality can be devastating, but she has already risen above some things that she was told she couldn't do, so who knows how far she can come. We all won't those same things for our children and I am so so sorry that your dream was dashed for the perfect life for your daughter, and although it sounds awful I am so grateful everyday for our daughter who is just overcoming everyday obsticles. When you wrote the post "use me" you will never know how often I do.
    What happend to your family just plain SUCKS!

  2. I went through something similar when receiving Joaquin's diagnosis at 3 months. It was tough to let go of my expectations and hope and dreams for him but in doing so I realized that those were all mine...not his and not God's. All I want is for my children to be healthy and happy too...all the rest is just icing on the cake but most of all I want my children to be able to reach their full potential...whatever that might be in their own way with my guidance, love and support. Avi has the BEST mom and dad in the whole world. You are everything she needs to help her be the child God wants and sees her to be and you will help her find her way in this world.

  3. Agreed. Being happy and healthy is what it all comes down to. That is all that I want for my children. If they are happy and healthy than nothing else matters.

  4. those are the best wishes & dreams a parent can have for a child.......

    even a parent of a 'healthy' child often finds that their original dreams for their child's life don't work out the way they planned and the very best you can wish/dream for your child is that they are healthy & they find happiness in their life

    from all the pictures you post, avi has happiness and she is making GREAT STRIDES at being healthy and achieving WAY MORE than the medical world's expectations for her. she is a miracle girl.....accept the gifts that she gives you everyday :)

    avianna is love

  5. Judianne said everything on my mind. She's already beat the expectations for her. How much more can she achieve? Knowing Avi, it's a lot.


  6. I had similar thoughts when Audriana had her brain injury. All that I had envision for her life came crashing down. Now, some 12+ years after her accident, some of the original hopes that I had for her came true but yet others have not been reached, might not ever be reached (driving a car, being independent, having children of her own one day) But Audriana is a happy and healthy young lady, at the age of 17. She is reaching her full potential everyday, and then the next day we strive for more. She's always growing, always maturing, and always - even if just a small way - always recovering from her brain injury.


  7. Life has a funny way of reshaping us after we have children. Our hopes and dreams suddenly take on new meaning and sometimes become very different. Of course, after an event such as yours, the whole picture changes, several times with each new discovery, with each new breakthrough and with each new setback. But you have dicovered many thigns about yourself too Jen- you're stronger than you realized and you have many friends that you didn't realize existed. Whatever life expectations you had and will have you will always have all of us to share them with and your own personal cheering section!!! We love you girl!

  8. I think you are some of the best parents i know, truly.

    BUT...from previous posts...if you stop cussin in your posts then what am I goin' to giggle at alot?!!! CUSS!!

    Be Happy.

  9. Your post makes me tear up. . .A Mom's dreams for her child are big. I know. I have them too. Do not have expectations, but rather hope for a future that is bright. With expectations there is the opportunity for them not to be met which can lead to frustration. Having hope, and faith will lead you to watching her grow into the beautiful little girl He intended for her to be. (I know, sounds like a load of cr*p. But I do truly mean it.) You are an amazing mother. I would be honored to meet you in person!