Thursday, September 2, 2010

Speed Test

I do it all the time.

My mind grabs the wheel.

My heart wrestles for control.

Against my heart's will,

my mind prevails.

The car that hit Gary and Aviana was traveling at about 31 miles per hour.

As I drive,

I constantly look down at my speedometer.

I continually question myself.

Is this how fast the car was going when they were hit?

No, 4 miles faster.

Was the car traveling this fast when Gary flew over the hood?

No, 3 miles slower.

Could this possibly be the speed at which my baby slammed her head on the concrete?

No, 6 miles faster.


  1. I am so sorry . I think you will always do this I don't know how you couldn't but I DO KNOW IT WILL GET BETTER. Hugs to You

  2. (((((hugs)))))))
    there is no easy way of escaping this....

    they say time heals all wounds. but they forget to mention that time does not allow you to forget

  3. oh Jen....I wish that I sould say something that would be comforting and full of wisdom here but my mind works that way too and I know I would totally be doing that as well. That is just part of that memory for you and that day. You can't always control the thoguhts you will have about that memory. I think you just need to allow yourself to feel however you do when it come to that day. Just know that you have many friends who are here to support you in whatever way we can, whether it be through virtual ((((hugs)))) or prayers or both.

  4. Jen...I'm so sorry this happened to Avi. I know it's heartbreaking. Although my daugther suffered a brain injury, no two brain injuries are ever the same, so I cannot possibly know exactly how you are feeling. I do not live in your world. But I do know this: she will get better. How much better, only time will tell. But today is not the day that her recovery is over. Far from it.

    Hang in there, my friend. Better days are ahead.

  5. It has to get better over time, but it will always be there. Just know that we are thinking of you and your family, (not that that actually helps and maybe just pisses you off) All I can say is it just sucks sucks sucks!

  6. Jen,

    Always praying for you and your family! <3

    Red Balloon Staff 2010

  7. I remember getting the butterflies going past the waterpark. We got rammed from behind and pushed into another car. I can only imagine what it's like for you...especially in that part of town. I say a little prayer for Avi every time we go past there.


  8. Jen,
    I'm so sorry your thoughts are filled with so many of these painful thoughts. I hope with time you will be able to leave these thoughts behind and be able to focus on happy thoughts of recovery and healing. Hold onto HOPE.
    Thank you so much for all of the kind and thoughtful comments on my blog. I have always felt a connection with you and our losses. Although different, they are also similar. The pain of seeing your child lose that sparkle in their eyes is heart wrenching. I hope that I can be of encouragement for you. I pray for Avi often and think of all of you as well. My thoughts are with you on holidays as I know how difficult it must be. If you want to read Blake's obituary you can find it here. This is another thing we wrote earlier on in Blake's life. It will tell you a bit more of his story if you are interested.
    Much love and prayers,