She's Out of Her Mind

I silently, yet angrily think to myself, "where the heck did I leave her this morning?" I obviously must've gotten up and left her on the nightstand. I go back to check, she’s not there. I again think to myself, “I know she likes to run and hide. I know she likes to go to far off places, which forces me to search.” Does she think this is funny, because last time I checked, I’m not laughing? I need her, especially today. Truth be told, she's in desperate need….daily.

We’ve had this talk before, many times. I can’t do this without her. I need her, and I need all of her. I am so tired of the half-assed job she's been doing lately. Today is yet another day, which proves my point.

We have already had many discussions about my having to let her go. I have even gone so far as to let her know of my interest in a new hire, one that can do a much better job. One that can help me avoid the pitfalls, which she has lead me to.

She always begs, she pleads. “Don’t let me go, I promise to do better. Think it over. Give me another chance. I've been with you your entire life. When the going gets tough, please, don’t just toss me out like yesterday’s trash!”

After searching high and low, I finally found her. After all her past begging, can you believe where she was? Still snuggled up in bed, with the covers pulled high over her head. She was peacefully resting right next to Kama, but hiding under the covers, from me. She's a sneaky one!

When I saw the lump in the bed, steam started from my ears. I ripped the covers back and grilled her without one ounce of hesitation. “What are you doing? Why are you still in bed? Do you have any idea how much I needed you this morning? Aren’t you aware that we are on a time crunch when Avi has a doctor appointment?” I am livid.

In a weepy, weary almost inaudible voice she whispers, “You have no idea how tired I am. I went to bed late, all thanks to your brother and that Butch Walker guy." I brace myself, as I'm about to be steamrolled by excuse after excuse. "I then was up all night with Kama and Aviana. If it wasn’t one, it was the other. I was only planning on sleeping a few more hours anyway.”

As she rambles on and on, all I could think about was the pink stains on the 13-FOOT kitchen ceiling. All I could think about was yet another geyser. Had she been there with me, this never would have happened.  Although I just experienced it, I am visualizing the stream of Aviana's raspberry snack, shooting into the air and coming down all over everything: the plant, the counters, the floor, me, the beautiful new flowers that my dear friend Ellen sent, everywhere.

All I could think was how I was in a huge hurry, and instead of styling Avi’s hair into the the latest and greatest, I had to scale cabinets and countertops as though within one split second I'd transformed into an orangutan. I was desperately trying to will myself 5 feet taller while stretching every ounce of my being toward the ceiling; it was WAY out of my reach. I begrudgingly went and got the ladder from the garage.

I instantly knew that on a ceiling pink=bad. As I climbed to the very top of the ladder, I couldn’t help but wonder where the hell she had gone. I sat at the top with a handful of towels and realized, “If she were here, she could tell me whether I should use a wet or dry towel. Do I use both? Wet then dry? Or vice versa? Do I dab or rub? How do I proceed without causing more damage? Is there anyway possible to avoid having to re-paint the entire ceiling, which (lucky for me) extends throughout the family, living and dining room.”

Without her, I did the best I could and that proved to be, 'not good enough!'

Now my ceiling has smeared and varying shades of purple on it. Oh the beauty. I keep telling myself not to look up, but my defiant head turns skyward every chance it gets.

She tells me I can color match the paint and fix it. I ask her if she happens to remember 4 years ago when I tried to color match the ceiling in Dave's closet to no avail. She has such a bad memory, and had conveniently forgotton.

My brain says she's sorry for abandoning me, yet again. I accept her apology, as I'm well aware of the fact that we are all under tremendous stress. I am well aware of just how tired we all are, and how badly we all deserve to stay under the covers...snuggled up to the best pup on earth.

With open arms, I welcome her back.

Deep down, we both know how much we really do need each other!