Quote

"I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much." ~Mother Teresa

Everyday Angel

My mom called, tears streaming down her face. She could barely speak. So many thoughts rushed to the forefront of my mind. Did she get hurt? Was Gary OK? Was she struck by a flood of memories of Aviana....all at once? What the heck was going on?

With the past months events, I am afflicted by a new condition called, “You better brace yourself, it quite possibly could be bad or sad news.” Yes, if you were wondering, I coined the term :o) I am desperately trying to release myself from the tight grip of this condition. I do not want to be that person. The one who is fearful at every turn. The one who is completely apprehensive of what life has in store for them and their loved ones. It affects me at different times. It could be when the phone rings, when I hear someone crying, when I can’t get a hold of a family member at exactly the right moment.

Back to the phone call, with my heart pounding out of my chest, I asked my mom what was going on. Through tears she uttered the words, "Dave Kennedy" (oh thank God……these were happy tears.) I remembered this name! He was her boss, from years ago. She went on to read me a beautiful note from him. She told me of his *more than generous* donation to Aviana’s fund. I was shocked....speechless! We were so incredibly thankful! We were amazed by his love and support.

A few weeks later, we were in the initial stages of planning our trip to Pennsylvania. I had just posted a note on the blog about The Institute and our impending plans. We had so many thoughts, rolling around like marbles in our brains....we had to check flights, find a hotel, figure out how and when to bring Aviana back for her evaluation, etc.

Above all, we were wondering where all of the money was going to come from. We were bound and determined to find a way to pull this very important trip off. We had enough from donations (thank you everyone) to pay for both our tuition and Aviana’s for the course only. Not for food, lodging, airfare, etc.

My mom called. Again, she was crying her eyes out. “What’s going on?” Again, through sobs, “Dave Kennedy.” To make a long story short, he grabbed the bull by the horns and organized every detail from airfare all the way down to making sure there was a refrigerator for any of Aviana’s possible needs. I am not kidding you; he took the time and energy to meticulously plan every last detail of our trip.

Confirmations were arriving one after the other in my inbox. Everything was taken care of, nothing left out and nothing out of our pockets. We are flying out on November 29th and flying back on December 5th. We then arrive home, pick Aviana up and fly back to Pennsylvania on December 6th and then all three of us fly back home on December 9th. The answer is YES, we have lost our minds. All of it, taken care of by Dave & Kim Kennedy.

We are so incredibly thankful to both of them and we do not have enough kind words to accurately express our gratitude. They are everyday angels.

Our Sweet Aviana

Aviana and one of her best friends, Avery. Aviana and her other best friend, Kama.

This was a very exciting night of therapy. Aviana is now strong enough to hold her own weight in the crawling position. She has come a long way and I am so happy to be able to post such beautiful pictures.

You should have seen me..... I was frantically running for the camera, cheering her on, snapping pictures left and right, gulping down a glass of wine, complaining about the diaper.

Therapy can be very exciting, but once over, all three of us are exhausted!

Geeez, put some pants on that girl! I never like it when children are just in diapers and think it is too funny that in this group of pictures she is sportin' that particular fashion :o) There is a pay off to hard work, a nap with your favorite companion! Night, night beautiful!

Quote of the Day

Be kinder than necessary, because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle.

Dear Brain Injury-

You descended, wrapping slithery hands around a precious girl. You cemented her tracks. Our girl was full of life in her purple checkerboard shorts, a white tank top and brand new sandals. Her recently purchased summer sandals were about to embark on a fresh season of good times and great memories.

Bold and determined, you sucked the life from our beautiful child. leaving her flat, lifeless. You ricocheted   her brain and left her flat, lifeless. How could you leave a child without the ability to walk?

Children walk, they jump, dance, skip. Kids twirl in circles for god’s sake; they flow to music without a care in the world. Congratulations, you snatched ability and senses. You silenced sweet words, sentences, laughter and stilled all limbs. Worst, you stole her smile.

Our little girl’s favorite thing was to eat. You are a greedy piece of sh*t for leaving her with one choice for the entire day only. And, she can’t taste it. 

How do you feel for stripping every single basic characteristic that defines a human being's quality of life?

You tried to go beyond her brain injury. You tried to infiltrate us. You tried to destroy a beautiful family of good hearted people. You tried to shake us to our core, to make us crack.

I have one thing to say, YOU WILL NOT SUCCEED. WE will succeed. WE will be the ones standing in the end. You, will be more of a distant memory with each passing day. You picked the wrong family! You did not take into account how strong we all are. You forgot to factor the fiery spirit which burns bright within each of us.

You sicken me,

Jen

Tears Drop

I wanted to share a card which was given to us over the weekend.

One tiny butterfly

shows what it means

to have enduring courage and dignity,

so that even when the wind takes it in an unknown direction,

it flies, staying strong, staying brave.

One tiny butterfly lifts itself up with the light deep inside its soul,

rising on the wings of hope for a safe and renewing journey....

You're like that butterfly,

brave and beautiful.

I know your couragous spirit will carry you through this

just like it has carried you so many times before.

And I also know

I'm here for you,

to offer friendship and comfort and support,

so you'll soon have all the strength you need to soar once more.

Thank you Jim, Emily, Angelica and baby Ashton too :)

Because of You

Sgt. Merenda~

Before the police responded,

before the ambulances rounded the corner,

before the EMTs were in action,

before the doctors and nurses were able to put years of expertise to good use,

YOU WERE THERE!

In the worst moment of my family’s history, you were one of the first on the scene to help. We will forever hold you in high regard. I know what you are thinking, “I was just at the right place at the right time.” Yes, I agree, you were at the right place at the right time, but it goes much further than that. You, were actually trained and willing to assist. As I have found in talking to many people, even when others are trained, they are (in many cases) not willing to help out.

On that street, in that moment, it was you who gave Aviana her very first chance at survival. It may very well have ended in that moment. Instead of the doctors telling us, “It’s a long shot, but if we work fast, there is an emergency surgery we can try.” He may have been telling us, “I’m sorry, she didn’t make it.”

With every surgery, with every bit of progress, your face flashes before our very eyes. Many things we experience on a daily basis are first and foremost, because of you. We may never have had the opportunity to look into her beautiful brown eyes again. We may never have been blessed to witness the most incredible fighting spirit we have ever seen. We would never have been able to watch her survive and thrive through six intense surgeries. We would never again have been able to grab her up and love on her to no end. We would never have observed the true miracle of seeing this girl, the one that was pretty much written off, not only sit up on her very own, but stay there for five full minutes. We would not have experienced the beauty of her pulling her little body, with all her might, over to and on top of her best girl...Kama! We would have had to plan a dreaded funeral rather than a beautiful 3rd birthday and welcome home party. We would never have felt the incredible love and gratefulness we feel as we gladly fulfill her every need. The list is truly endless.

You are on our minds all of the time. You were so much more than simply in the right place at the right time. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts. We love you from the bottom of our hearts.

Dave, Jen & Aviana

What I Wouldn't Give

I vividly remember, I woke up in a panic. It was approximately one year after Aviana joined our family. I freaked out, “Dave, it just dawned on me, I would definitely not cut my right arm off for Aviana!” I was devastated at that realization. I frantically asked him, “Would you cut your arm off for Aviana?” His reply was so Dave and lifted my spirits in one split second. He said, “Honey, I don’t know that I would even cut my arm off for you.” I could not stop laughing and have told this story many times.

Although it was a quasi-funny, a semi-funny, the Diet Coke of funny story~ I couldn’t shake the pain of the one true remaining fact. I sought counseling a few months later. One of the first questions she asked me was, “Would you cut your arm off for Aviana?” I immediately, without any hesitation, said no, I wouldn’t and I won't, not my right arm, not my left arm (not in a box, not with a fox.) I wouldn’t take a bullet, and once again, no, I wouldn’t do any of those sorts of things.

Through tears, I continued on with my rant. I explained to the therapist that I have thought extensively about all scenarios and the answer always remains, NO, NO and NO! That being said, my next question to her was, "O.K. now how do I fix myself?"

I now ask myself, what would you give to make Aviana better?

The answer is simple~

My toe.

My foot.

My leg.

Both legs.

My right

And

Left arm.

My eyes.

My fingers.

My nose.

Take it all.

I don't care.

Cut my entire head off.

I would give anything and everything to make her better!

In an Instant

While other kids wake up in the morning and go bouncing down the hall to the kitchen

~ Aviana stays in place and waits for me to come and get her.


While other kids wake up in the morning and think....do I want oatmeal or toast

~ Aviana has Nutren Junior through a tube.


While other kids hop in the tub and happily splish splash around

~ Aviana either has a sponge bath or is assisted by Dave and me both with a bath which is miserable for her.


While other kids can get dressed and ready all by themselves

~ Aviana has to struggle just to help me to lift her arm.


While other kids get ready for a fun filled day of preschool

~ Aviana has a day of grueling physical therapy.


While other kids contemplate if they want peanut butter and jelly or pasta for lunch

~ Aviana has Nutren Junior through a tube.


While other kids can go to the park and swing until their hearts delight

~ Aviana can sit and watch if she chooses to.


While other kids choose between a banana and goldfish crackers for a snack

~ Aviana has Nutren Junior through a tube.


While other kids play endlessley with all of their toys

~ Aviana is forced to try to play with them during therapy.


While other kids can rough house with their best doggie

~ Aviana, with help, can pet Kama.


While other kids can decide if they want chicken or fish for dinner

~ Aviana has Nutren Junior through a tube.


While other kids have a yummy treat after dinner

~ Aviana has water through a tube.


While other kids excitedly choose a story before bedtime and help to read it

~ Aviana has a story read to her and I think cries out, because there is some distant memory of Frog & Toad.


While other kids squirm around to find their most comfortable position in bed

~ Aviana is put in what we think is most comfortable for her.


While other kids wake up in the middle of the night numerous times to reposition themselves and their blankets

~ Aviana makes a little cry and I come running to adjust, assist or just give her some much needed love.


It’s weird to think that just 106 short days ago, Aviana was that other kid! Life can change in an instant, appreciate every moment!

Mickey Countdown

No, we are not going to Disneyland, but we are going somewhere just as exciting! At 11 am tomorrow Aviana will be at Kaiser getting her huge g-tube converted into a nice streamlined Mickey button. Woo hoo, there will be no lengthy tube hanging out her cute little outfits!! Can you tell I am so excited about this! The things I get overly excited about now always amaze me :o)