2 Years Ago Today....

We were on our way to Guatemala to pick up our little pumpkin! Tomorrow is the BIG day, the 2 year anniversary of us meeting Aviana for the first time. Some call it "Gotcha Day" or "Adoption Day" some call it "Forever Family Day" Isn't it crazy, after 2 years, I still don't know exactly what I want to call it?!?! It will come to me...someday! I am ready, I have my post all ready to go and am just simply putting the finishing touches on it :o)

A Day in the Life- Take 2

Today U.C. Davis called and said Aviana has been stable enough to go to Kaiser. They said the neurosurgery team reviewed her CT scans from last night and today and determined there was no new changes..... no signs of stroke. Can I get a "Wooo Hooo."

I felt anxious about her transfer today. I was so concerned about her trip in the ambulance and her feelings of all of the changes to come. Change though is what this is all about...every minute of every day! I feel as though this is a double edge sword. I feel sad that she is leaving, "the best of the best," but happy she is stable and moving out of the trauma 1 location.

I voiced my hesitation to the doctor at U.C. Davis and he put my mind at ease as he explained they look at it as a graduation of sorts. I am so going to miss all of the wonderful people at U.C. Davis. I am going to miss all of our favorite people, like Ken, Mina, Uneice, Faith, Karen, Kristine and others. We loved the way they would care for Aviana. We felt comfortable with them and felt they were always taking such good, loving care of her.

I suppose we will make new bonds along the way though. The Kaiser she was transferred to is in Roseville, and is very close to our house. We are incredibly thankful for this. There has always been a Kaiser in Roseville, but they just opened a brand new expansion which opened in January of this year. The area where Aviana is staying is absolutely beautiful!!

Aviana is in need of a VP Shunt and the neurosurgery team is going to examine her tomorrow and determine when this 5th surgery will take place. The shunt is an internal tube which will run from the ventricles in her brain down her back and into her stomach. This way she will be able to drain the fluid directly from her head and digest it in her stomach. The rate for infection is much less than the external type drains she currently has.

Although Aviana was quite shaken up from the transfer, she looked better than she has ever looked. Her head and face looked beautiful. My mom and Gary were down at Davis for much of today and said they could swear she was focused and looking straight at them. When we saw her it was apparent this was a fact. We could see her looking from Dave to me...it was different today....she seemed to know....to be there with us :o) Sooooooo nice to see.

Aviana was more than exhausted from all of the travel. Finally, they had given her all of her medication and she began to rest. She kept falling asleep at times and looked so peaceful in those moments. Avi has a new home for the time being which is close to home.....feels good!!

Chick Lit. to Brain Injury Books

Wow, how the winds have changed!

New Day!

Common conversation in the Hodder household:

Jen: We should call Davis.

Jen: Do you want to call Davis?

Dave: I don't know, we probably should, what do you think?

Jen: I don't know, I guess, can you call, I am not strong enough at this point

Dave: Yeah, I'll call.

Dave: Beep, beep, boop, boop, beep, boop, beep (that's dialing)

Jen: Paces, hangs on EVERY word and then wants a written transcript afterward.

Sometimes this goes the other way though and I feel strong enough to call. This morning....NO WAY....I asked him to call and call me back. The nurse said they were unable to take her down to CT because they had some emergency traumas come in (that was Aviana 29 days ago, that was us) She said they were waiting to talk to Dr. Muuizlaar (our Dutch doc, he is the one who performed her 4th surgery and is too funny) for further instruction.

She said they tapped her head, (how things have changed, prior to this, I had only really commonly heard of tapping a beer) and the lumbar drain started working. They drained off most of the fluid which was built up. She said she is not sure they are even going to need the CT scan at this point and that she thinks she was maybe just sleepy from the medication yesterday. She said she is unsure at this point if they are going to want to check for mini strokes. She will let us know later.

Today is a new day, a better day thus far :o)

What A Day!

Yesterday kind of rocked us all! Ewww, yuck...I am so happy that yesterday is O*V*E*R!! We went to visit and when we arrived she was awake, but only because Ken had just finished messing with her. She almost immediately fell FAST asleep. This usually never happens. She usually stays awake and if she is tired, she fights it and persists. She fell into a deep sleep immediately and there was nothing even Papa could do to wake her up.

We also noticed the right side of her head was more swollen than the previous day :-( We decided to go downstairs to the cafeteria for a while. We had a good cry down in the cafeteria, just over all of this in general and then proceeded back upstairs.

When we returned to the room, Ken said they were a little concerned about how sleepy and unresponsive Aviana was so they were going to take her down for a CT scan. He said they were going to check the fluid in her head and make sure the drain was at the right level. Nerves started to arise, but it was OK, just checking, that's good right?

Ken was disconnecting Aviana from all of the machines and the respiratory guy was doing his thing too. All was fine and then like a Clydesdale the doctor came stomping into the room and was telling the respiratory guy to "bag her, bag her, hyperventilate her, she is not initiating/taking breaths!!"

At this point, all of our nerves flew into warp speeds. It seemed everything was beeping like crazy and for a moment I felt as though I was floating....like in a dream (not a good one, by the way....a terrible one)

I tend to often use Ken as my compass. I looked to him, saw his calm demeanor, heard him humming and saying sweet things to Aviana while also giving the respiratory guy sh*t. I instantly dropped down a few notches. They wheeled our baby off and as they were rounding the corner I heard Ken say "Weeeee." I felt better!

We sat in the waiting room. We were trying to calm down further. In my 28 days of going down to the PICU, I have seen and heard so many things I wish I had never. Like a revolving door, there is family after family gathered some with solemn faces, some crying out in anguish, some just sitting quietly with tears rolling down their cheeks.

This was us...this is still us.

I try not to stay in the waiting room, as we feel we can actually feel their pain. My heart breaks in many pieces for all of the people I have seen. Yesterday, there was a family grieving so intensely that my mom, Gary and I just completely stopped in the middle of what we were saying and simply hung our heads in utter silence and sadness.

What happened? Did it start out as just a normal everyday morning? Did your life just turn upside down in the blink of an eye? Did you hear awful noises, voices and words you wish you never heard in your lifetime? Do you have guilt? Do you wish there were things you had said/not said or done/not done? Do you wish you appreciated that person more? Are you going to be a better person because of this horrific event? How are you going to push forward? Are you going to be so terrified that some other awful thing will happen to someone you love dearly? Are you going to curl up into a ball or are you going to move in a forward direction? Maybe a little of both?

So anyway, Aviana returned quickly and they said they decided to move the drain because it had drained too much. They said her ventricles were small which was telling them much had drained. She still had a mass of fluid on her right side which was not draining. Why? I don't know. They said she would be rolled down for another CT scan at 5 this morning and then we may know more. Oh, and by the way, they wanted to look at the scan for stroke too. WTF, that's what I had to say/think about that. Another thing I wish I NEVER heard.

I guess this is all part of the GRAND plan, I need to be pushed to my outer/inner most being. I need to have the earth move. I need to feel the most uncomfortable I have ever felt. I need to learn a great lesson. It's funny, I feel I have, but every time something else happens....I immediately think "OK, I guess I am not done yet." My mom, Gary and I heaved or sorry selves home with heavy, heavy hearts! Dave was in the loop the entire time and was sad too.

Dave and I went and ran errands, kept ourselves very busy and upbeat, with just a few lulls here and there. We pumped ourselves up...saying it can't all be good....we know this, we have been through this. There are steps forward AND back....heeeellllooooo, we know this!! We took a refresher course in "THE EVEN KEEL ATTITUDE."

My dad's voice was just what I needed last night to stay on track. He was emphatically reminding me, "She just had her scull put back on, she is going to go through good days and bad!!" He said, "we have all NEVER been through what she is going through, think of how bad we feel after the minuscule things we HAVE been through!! She will be just fine, don't worry!!"

Have I told you lately how blessed I am to have the best family ever?? So, we wraped the night up with Dave dying my nasty, nappy, yucky hair and then I cleaned the shower. Wooo Hooo!!

My last thought prior to drifting off to sleep was "Today is over and tomorrow is a new day...please let it be a better one!!"

Pumpkin Pie

Aviana had quite the visitors yesterday. She was still pretty swollen. They had removed the bandages from her head prior to our arrival. For some strange reason, I was more hesitant to see her in tact than before. I have no idea why.

After seeing her, my hesitation quickly disappeared. She looked SO good to me. Her head was so nice looking, even with the 500+ staples. She looked beautiful. I not only used to call her "Pumpkin Pie," but also "My Little Pumpkin Head." This was the first thing that came to mind. She was able to open her right eye pretty well, but not her left due to the swelling. She was looking all over the place with her right eye though. It was so nice to see her taking everything in!!

They had noticed her head had gotten a little bigger and decided to have a CT scan done to look for more fluid. The CT scan revealed she was indeed collecting fluid which needed to be drained. Originally, they were talking about putting a drain line in her head and had decided they did not need to. Then, they had said if they needed to add it later, it would be a small bedside procedure and still it would be added to her head.

Finally, a person from neurology came in to have me sign another consent form. She explained it would be put in her lumbar/spine area and would drain her head. I asked why they had originally decided not to put it in her head. They said they did not want to increase the risk of infection in that area. Makes perfect sense.

I tried my best to tune out the long, nasty list of possible side effects. It's all good though right?? She's tough and has always had an immune system of steel. We left just prior to the procedure and called later to check on her. Ken (one of our VERY favorite nurses) said it went extremely well. He said she was nice and alert. Her strength and determination are driving forces for me. She makes me a better person every moment of everyday!

Just The Two of Us

If a picture tells a thousand words, this one speaks volumes!! Look at the fight in her eyes...from day one! This was the very first picture of just the two of us in Guatemala!

Sleepy Beauty

The doctors said Aviana had a wonderful night and they were so happy with all of her numbers. They said they were watching for any fluid that may collect back in her head. She did not have any and they were more than pleased.

Today our little sweetie was showing signs of just going through a horrendous surgery. She was very swollen which affected her ability to open her eyes well. She was also very tired. I say, rightfully so little one. I just imagine when I am extremely tired or very sick and think to tell Dave something. I keep it in my head for the next day (and always forget) because I cannot utter the words and certainly don't want to move in any way. I can't even begin to imagine what she must be feeling and I certainly understand why she does not want to move or communicate too much.

We did however see her kick, kick, kick her legs when the nurse sucked her mouth out. She cannot stand that. It was very nice to see. My friend Amy got to see that for the first time and was ecstatic. Most of the time today was spent watching her sleep. Once she woke though, we jumped at the chance to read her two of her very favorite books...Frog and Toad and I Love You Like Crazy Cakes. It felt so good to read to her. For all of you who don't know her personally, books are her FAVORITE thing in the world. She will choose a book over a toy ANY day of the week.

Today was my BEST day by far. I woke up, realized I STILL had a headache and did a third Imitrex shot. My headache subsided for the most part and I was running around cleaning the house and getting ready. I actually felt the urge to put make up on today....AMAZING!! I felt so incredibly upbeat, as if I had a pep in my step : )

We had a nice visit with Aviana and many of my wonderful family and friends. My friend Amy brought the most beautifully fitting little gifts for Aviana... a nice necklace and another keepsake which I will post a picture of below. I have been avoiding all things except the hospital and home. My hair is in desperate need of color. I thought I had a lot of grey before, holy crap...it is out of control now. We stopped to buy some dye at the mall and actually went on a mini shopping trip. It amazed me how good that felt. I guess there is something to be said about retail therapy. We even picked up some P.F. Changs and Dave had the most amazing fortune!! I will post it below.

My brother also came over today and took Kama for a much needed trip to the park with her brother Zander. It was so nice to come home and see her happy too. If she is happy, I am happy!! We were also greeted with a nice fresh dinner in the fridge courtesy of my friend Summer. She also left a Mickey Mouse card which said "Hope you'll be feeling better soon.... from your ears down to your toes!"

We were sitting outside shortly after coming home and it started raining. For all who don't know me.... I LOVE the rain more than anything. The instant it started, the first thing that came to mind was when Aviana would say "Mommy....raining" with a huge smile on her face. I am a neurotic windshield washer user. Every time I washed the windshield, Aviana would excitedly yell, "Mommy....raining." I sure miss those special little moments with her!!

I accidentally pushed publish....oops....I am not done yet!! I still have to post some pictures and haven't taken them yet. I will post them as soon as possible.

I wanted to thank each and every single person who reads this blog. All of you mean the world to us! It lifts my heart on a daily basis to know how many good, caring people are out there!

Baby Got Bones

So Jen is out of commission tonight because she is battling one of her migraines so I (Dave) will be posting the blog tonight. Now don't go and close the window out of disappointment, I'm not that bad at this. I told Jen that she cannot complain about migraines anymore because she would look like a wuss after what Aviana is going through. We think it might just be sympathy pains for Aviana's surgery.

Aviana went into surgery this morning as planned to replace her bone flaps. Luckily, she did not get bumped for an emergency surgery. The surgery lasted about five hours and we got to talk to the Neursurgeon who performed the operation, who also happens to be the chief of Neurosurgery for UC Davis (the same guy who we met with during our family meeting). He told us that the surgery went perfectly. The fluid in her head was very easy to drain, she lost very little blood during the procedure, he didn't feel the need to put an ICP drain line in her head, and her brain looked normal to him. This was all great to hear, Jen even gave him a bear hug.

We were asking him how they exactly reattach the bone flaps. He said they attach them with small titanium plates with four 3mm titanium screws per plate and that each plate and set of screws costs about $400. They used about ten plates to reattach the bone flaps. Pricey. I asked him if they were going to remove them and he said there was no need, they will just leave them in. I can imagine Aviana now, when she's older bragging to her friends that she has ten plates in her head. Jen asked him if she is going to be setting off metal detectors whenever we try to go through airport security. He laughed and said that we would not have any problems because they are titanium.

After the surgery, we went up to the room to wait for Aviana. We where told that she was going to be out of it for a while as she recuperates from the surgery. Once they brought her up, we got to talking to one of the resident Neurosurgeons and he said that with any surgery on the head, they want to wake them up at least for a short time to make sure that their base line is at least where it was before the surgery and that they are not worse off than before hand.

Sure enough, a few minutes after they got her situated in her room, she started to open her eyes. Immediately we could tell that she was able to open her eyes better now and you could see that she had more focus and alertness in them. She was able to move her eyes around a lot better, looking at us and then shifting her eyes over to the nurse. Before the surgery she would at times have a glazed over look, which was not there afterwards. She wasn't moving a whole lot, but then again I don't think I would be moving very much if someone just put 40 screws into my skull.

Another resident Neurosurgeon came in a bit later to check in on her and he was very pleased with her alertness and movement. We have to say, we are so amazed at the job the entire staff at UC Davis Med Center has done with our little girl. Without these incredible people, Aviana would not even have a chance of recovering.

Below is a picture of Avi's little friends waiting patiently for her to return from surgery.

Excited

We are finally at a point where we have some sort of certainty about something (well kind of, pending no other emergency surgeries which would require Aviana's to be postponed.) Aviana's appointment to have her bone flaps replaced is currently set for first thing tomorrow morning!

Yes, the million dollar answer was finally also given today, they did round up her bone from Sutter and have it safe and sound at U.C. Davis. Today was a great day! My Mom, Gary and I went to visit and her nurse had nothing but positive, optimistic things to say. He said he has seen such good movement from her, even purposeful!! He said when he was changing her diaper, she was kicking her legs...like she was having a tantrum. He demonstrated her movement for us and I have to say... a tantrum has never looked so good : ) We were able to see her move in this fashion, not to the magnitude he described, but beautiful all the same!

My mom brought her lotion which she would use on a regular basis to slather Aviana in. I am so serious when I say Aviana would come home from her house smelling of my mom until her next shower. Dave and I always loved that smell. It was obvious by Aviana's reaction today that she loved it just the same. We held our lotion soaked hands to her face and she was not just smelling it, but moving her lips in a way that said she not only wanted to smell it, but eat it as well : ) She was moving her legs and feet in total delight.

I am going to keep this short as we need to be down at U.C. Davis at 7am. We are going to try to go to bed now so we are fresh and ready for what we hope will be a very successful day.

Please keep everything crossed tomorrow or as my friend Sarah would say, "in perfect pretzel fashion." I promise to update you as soon as humanly possible!