A Meal in the Mail

I stumbled upon this blog, and was so taken by the creator. I admired her for using her blog as a platform for the good of other families.

She created "A Meal in the Mail" to help other families who are going through a difficult time. She chooses a featured family, and through her blog, she encourages others to donate a meal in the mail to help them out.

I think she is amazing because she is using the internet to aid in the kind concept of bringing someone a meal.

In times of difficulty, it is so nice to have one less thing to think about ;o)

If you are interested, her site is....

www.cookingupfaith.com

Life Ain't Always Beautiful

Life ain't always beautiful
Sometimes it's just plain hard
Life can knock you down, it can break your heart

Life ain't always beautiful
You think you're on your way
And it's just a dead end road at the end of the day

But the struggles makes you stronger
And the changes make you wise
And happiness has its own way of takin' it sweet time

No, life aint always beautiful
Tears will fall sometimes
Life aint always beautiful
But it's a beautiful ride

Life aint always beautiful
Some days I miss your smile
I get tired of walkin' all these lonely miles

And I wish for just one minute
I could see your pretty face
Guess I can dream, but life don't work that way

But the struggles makes me stronger
And the changes make me wise
And happiness has its own way of takin' its sweet time

No, life ain't always beautiful
But I know I'll be fine

Hey, life ain't always beautiful
But its a beautiful ride
What a beautiful ride

O

If you are a family member, friend, or a long time reader, I am sure you know how much I LOVE Oprah! I am sure you have also heard me speak of a person named Christine McFadden over the years. She is a guest I saw on Oprah, and is forever etched into my memory.

If you are not familiar with Christine's story, she is the mother who went out for an early morning walk, and returned to find her four beautiful children murdered.  Her ex-husband had killed them all, and then turned the gun on himself.

I have watched Oprah for years, and I will never forget Christine. At the time I saw her in 2004, I have used her story to help me through all of my difficult times. I felt a little guilty 'using' her to aid me through infertility, the adoption process, and bonding issues with Aviana. I knew that her struggles far surpassed mine.  After Aviana's accident, I was drawing strength from her daily. She is the main reason I asked all of you to 'Use Me' at one point. I knew how much Christine had helped me, and I wanted to help as many people as I could too.

Christine has always weighed heavily on my mind, so last September, I wrote a letter to Oprah....

Dear Oprah~ 


One guest in particular forever stood out in my mind. Her name was Christine McFadden. I was truly captivated by her story, and I have carried her with me in my own life. It was not until I experienced the worst day of my own life, that I completely felt her presence within me. 


My parents were crossing the street with my then 2-year-old daughter. My stepfather had my daughter in his arms, and my mom was following a few steps behind. My mom witnessed both of them get struck by a car. My stepfather rolled over the hood, while my daughter flew out of his arms and landed on her head. 


We were forced to make life and death decisions for our daughter. Our sweet baby survived eight surgeries, including three of which she had most of her skull removed. Sadly though, our dear Aviana was left severely brain-injured, and unable to walk, talk, or eat by mouth. 


Throughout our darkest hours, I kept Christine close in thought. She is an inspiration to me, and I have always wanted to thank her for sharing her story. In following her story, so many things she had said came to fruition in my very own life. Most importantly, she spoke of moving on, rather than staying stuck in a place of trauma. 


I think Christine has touched so many lives. Although all of our stories stretch far and wide across a spectrum, the one constant is the feeling of grief and loss. Our child did not pass away, but I continuously grieve for the little girl from before. With the strength I have gathered from Christine, I make a daily choice to carry on. 


My heart soared when I saw she had re-married, and had twins. To me, this was just another glowing example of her resilience. She is a constant reminder to not let tragedy take over, and define your entire life. She is one of the strongest, most inspirational, people I have ever laid eyes upon. For that, I can honestly say she has forever changed my life! 


Thank you, 


Jennifer Hodder 


Last Tuesday, I sat down to check my e-mail, and there was one from Harpo Studios, titled The Oprah Winfrey Show. I could not believe my eyes. I was so excited. They said they received my letter, and needed more information to be further considered for the show. I immediately began a more detailed letter, including everything they had asked for. I told them of myself, our story, and much more about how Christine has had an impact on my life. I sent it off this past Thursday.


I wasn't sure if I should share the news on here, but I am so excited, and no matter what happens, I thought you might want to know :o) 


I would love the opportunity to thank Christine, and to let her know just how much she has helped me.  She has been unknowingly 'there' for me when I have needed her most.


And of course, I would love to meet Oprah too ;o) ;o) ;o)

My Lifeline

We had a conference call with The Institute this morning to discuss Aviana's program. During that phone call, our advocate spoke of Aviana's injury, and how it affected all main areas of her brain. We further talked about an injury such as her's, and she noted that Aviana is among the group of children with the worst injuries at The Institute. Aviana falls into the bottom 5% of the kids they treat. Even though I already knew this, it hurt my ears, and my eyes immediately filled with tears. In my opinion, to know it, and to hear it, are two different things.

I have said, time and again, that I am going through the hardest part of my entire life right now. I am currently many shades of fragile.

While in the hospital, we heard the worst any person could ever hear, but the difference was, we were full of hope. I could deflect 'negative' like the best of them.  Now, I hear the worst, and I am not nearly as full. It takes much more out of me.

Fast forward 40 minutes ~

Dave was standing at the counter, eating his cereal, and nonchalantly flipping through a magazine. He was calm, as calm could be. If I didn't know him personally, I would surely have thought he had been dealt an easy breezy life. I, on the other hand, was a perplexed bundle of nerves.

I looked at him, and this is how the conversation proceeded ~

Jen: 

I envy you right now. You can hear the awful words we heard on the phone, and are ready to carry on with your day. I heard those very same words, and they are bouncing around like a ping pong ball, stuck in my skull.

Dave:

Well, we already knew she was in the bottom 5%, we can see it every time we go back to the Institute.

Jen:

I know, but to hear it is different. What was it she said? Was it lowest 5%, or was it bottom 5? What did she say?

Dave: 

She said breakthrough.

Jen:

(Standing ~ speechless and dumbfounded all at the same time, while knowing I have the best husband in the world. One that lifts me, when I am down. One that sees the positive, when all I can see is negative.)

Dave:

After she said 5%, she said we are waiting for her to make a breakthrough. A breakthrough, which she knows Aviana will make. That is what I heard, and that is why I am so calm.

He is my lifeline....

1. 

     a. An anchored line thrown as a support to someone falling or drowning.

     b. A line shot to a ship in distress.

2. 

     a. One that is or is regarded as a sourse of salvation in a crisis.

I've always felt I struck gold when I found Dave. He proves it to me through, and through. I have always felt lucky to have him, but especially today.

Be Careful What You Wish For

Oh how I wished she would sleep in more.
She sleeps in as long as we want now.

I wished she wouldn't fight me over what to wear.
Now, I can dress her in whatever I want.

I wished she would stay still while I did her hair.
She stays almost perfectly still now.

I wished she would not talk so much while I was on the phone.
She doesn't make a peep now.

I wished she would just keep her shoes, socks, and hair accessories intact while in the car.
She is perfectly assembled now.

I wished she wasn't such a wiggle worm in the bathtub while I was trying to wash her.
She lies perfectly still now.

I wished she would come, when I called her.
She's right there, anytime I need.

I wished she wouldn't act so crazy in a store.
She is perfectly quiet now.

I wished she would sit still on my lap, and cuddle.
We can cuddle all day, and night now.

I wished she wouldn't talk back.
She never utters a word now.

I wished she wouldn't play with her food, and would just eat it.
That's exactly what she does now.

I wished she wouldn't ignore us while company was over.
She is a perfect angel towards us now.

Don't get me wrong, we are enjoying all of the little 'perks,"

but would we trade them in a heartbeat?

YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES, YES

A Good Cause

Adoption is one of the greatest gifts. A local family is working to raise funds to bring another child home from Ukraine. They have included the added bonus of winning an iPad. What a win-win opportunity.

When we first decided to adopt, I had no idea the expense. I had to literally pick my jaw up off the floor when I heard the outrageous number.....$30,000. What??? I'm quite sure I heard you wrong. No, I didn't.  I know how difficult it was for us to save that much money, so I always try to lend a helping hand to others in need.

Our nurse, which I have yet to introduce you to, is from Ukraine. I not only hold adoption close to my heart, but the Ukraine now too. I can't wait for you to meet Lesya, she is amazing. She also spoils us with so many of her home cooked meals!

If you're interested, you can stop on by, maybe to donate, maybe to enter the drawing, maybe to just give a little love to this family, or maybe a combination of the three ;o)

Happy Friday!

http://loveforlittlelydiah.blogspot.com/2011/02/ipad-giveaway.html?spref=fb

Purpose

I always wondered what my purpose would be in this lifetime?  What would I accomplish? How could I best help another? What would I be most proud of? What is it that I have to give back?

Although I am a work in progress, I have to admit, through Aviana I have found the greatest purpose in my life.

In writing a letter, and reflecting about where we have been, and the places we will journey on to, it has become clear, Aviana has shown me who I really am, and further more, all I can possibly be. She has pushed me further, and wider than I have ever been in my whole life. She has shown me that the impossible is possible. If I sit quietly and look closely, I see clearly, she is my guide. She is my teacher. Although the lessons are hard to grasp, and I am not always quick enough to learn, without one single word, she is showing me.

She is just 4 years old, and she is helping not only our family and friends, but people all over the world.

Amazed

Laziness got the best of us. We were supposed to cook for Aviana last night, but were both beyond exhausted. We decided to wing it today until her food was ready.

This morning we gave her oatmeal. She ate it so well, but we expected her to because it was a similar consistency to the food we make her.  We still hadn't cooked by snack, and lunch time. So we gave her apple sauce for a snack, and a left over enchilada for lunch. She ate it all. She did such a great job.

My mom was here today, and we were eating Gingersnap cookies, so we decided to give her those too. They are extremely crunchy, and she was chomping away. She looked adorable as she was chewing. So much so, that I ran and got my phone to video her so I could put it on here. The funny thing was, every time I would video her, she would politely chew with her mouth closed. She still has such great manners ;o)

We still hadn't cooked, and after seeing how great she had done the entire day, we decided to feed her Macaroni and Cheese, as this was one of her favorites prior to the accident.

I fed her a whole bowl of it. She ate every last tiny, little shell. I was in shock. She did so amazingly well. We have also been working really hard with the sippy cup, and she drank better than she ever has tonight.

This was the first day since the accident that she had a normal days worth of food that was just lying around the house. Nothing measured. Nothing weighed. Nothing balanced. Nothing sliced, or diced. And nothing that was outrageously prepared.

We have finally truly run out of time, so it's off to the kitchen we go!

Green

I stare at you, and you are all I want to be.

What I see in you is everything I want.

So kind.

So loving.

So patient.

So appreciative.

So keen.

So happy.

So loyal.

So gentle.

So understanding.

So playful.

So everything.

You live in the moment.

You don't think about yesterday.

You don't worry about tomorrow.

You live in the moment.

You are here, and now.

You are the example.

You are what I strive to be.

You are a dog,

and I am envious.

Hard Knock Life

In my wildest dreams, or should I say nightmares, I could never have even fathomed this life for myself. It takes everything I've got to just get through each day. It is physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally taxing.

I feel great sadness today.