Saturday, February 1, 2014

Smile - Honor - Live

We used to take longer vacations but then realize partway through - we would rather be home. I know...strange. We then started booking shorter vacations. 

After all we'd been through - but most importantly - after all Aviana had opened our eyes to, we felt we might be able to handle a seven day vacation. 

Over the course of my time with Aviana, so much about me has changed. Sometimes I'd venture to say I'm hardly the person I was before the accident. Before, I might prefer going to the same places time and again. Now, my thoughts on travel are different. I don't just want, but crave variety. To me, there are just too many places in this world to go back to the same.

By the very beginning stages of Aviana's decline...I felt like I had been through the wringer. Like a sugarplum at Christmas - there was only one place dancing around my head. Its holistic, peaceful properties were calling. Starting off as a whisper, but gaining momentum with each passing day. 

By the time all was said and done, we knew our minds - although resolved - would need replenishing. Our spirits - although at peace - would need to be reset in order to rebuild once again. The familiar calm and tranquility of this place was definitely what we needed.

Our trip ended up being pushed farther off in the distance. By the time we were ready to book, we found ourselves in a different place. We were out of the exact space we had previously been. Reevaluation was needed. Were we still in need of this sort of trip? We spun, swirled and topped to bottom - bottomed to top list after list of places to go. In the end, and in our hearts, we decided this was still the place for us. 

It turned out to be 7 of the best days of our lives.

We came full circle once again. We took our first trip to this place while in full swing of our adoption for Aviana. It was to be our last trip as just the two of us. We took our second trip there in the midst of the chaos of our intense program with her, which we were soon to taper. And finally, we just took our most recent third trip soon after Aviana died. 

I feel this place was put in our path long ago and holds all of the elements, which we had not a clue we'd so desperately need in our future. The very things I could not embrace all those years ago. I could appreciate them from afar. I could look on at their beauty, but could never delve into them. I wasn't ready - in mind, body, or spirit. I did not have the patience. I did not know how to relax, to fully enjoy. I had not a clue how to be still, in thought or anything. I did not understand. I was on my way at the time, on my journey, but I had so far to go. 

The funny thing is - I had forgotten why we had taken our first trip there. Dave reminded me on the way to the hotel from the airport. The realization shook me. The pieces kept falling into place with every step. As if we were part of a grander plan and I was merely a pawn - playing the part. 

The place. Aviana. Our journeys, merging together in perfect harmony. We could not have chosen better. 

Every day, and in every way we were fulfilled. There were certain things we wanted to do in honor of Aviana, there were moments I wasn't expecting - both of which I will write about in another post. For the first time in what seems forever...we felt free - in every way possible. This is the very same feeling we must share with Aviana, albeit separately. And yes, there were many tears left in downtown Cabo for the reality of our division.

Because of Aviana we are acutely aware that every moment is to be lived, appreciated, and for God's sake - not taken for granted. 

Because of Aviana I can relax into my surroundings and myself. Like never before, I can truly take in everything around me. To really absorb the sights, sounds, smells and the pure beauty of our earth.

Because of Aviana I am open to go, do, see. I'm flexible and let the wind carry me wherever it might.

Because of Aviana we weren't ready to come home, and have decided to become permanent travelers ; ) That is - if we can take a certain Rainey girl! 

I could go on forever, but I'll stop here as these most pertain to our trip!

I used to say this all the time to my friend after the accident, "it took Aviana's accident to make me the mom I always wanted to be." I know it served zero purpose, but through tears, I was merely stating a fact. 

I know it serves no purpose, but again, it's just the single thought that sometimes crosses my mind in all of my endless gratitude to our girl. I always feel her life was sacrificed to help me see, to help me come to, to help me appreciate. I suppose this was part of her purpose. In her short 7 years on earth...her life was traded for what I learned, for what I sometimes makes me cry.

On our first visit, we had their dinner on the beach. It was so nice.

So we did it again!

We swam with the dolphins this day and then went shopping. 

Jello shot at Squid Roe!

 Next up, dancing at Mandala. I can't remember the last time we went's been way too long. 

This was our last morning.

Until next time...


  1. I am so happy for you both that you got to have this experience. Cabo is my sister's favorite place on earth, she says she feels like her soul has come home. I felt that way in Italy. Honestly sweetie, the way you write, the way you organize words on to the page to express your feelings, your heart, is simply, profoundly beautiful. I ♥ you. xoxo

  2. I am so glad you had such a wonderful trip. You know God has a big story. We are part of that story. He has a way of writing certain people into our little story just for the purpose of helping us to fulfill His Big Story. Avi was written into your little story for so many reasons. Sometimes we get to the end of certain stories before we actually SEE the purpose. Learning is hard. Your learning was the hardest I think I have ever heard about. Someday we will understand the Big Story and see our place in it. Embrace our little stories and all that God is teaching us. You are doing that. Continued blessings, Vicki from Memphis area

  3. I was so happy when you texted me that you were in Cabo! I know, you know, without knowing, that that is where you needed to be. There is something magical and relaxing in Cabo. I love you and know, you know, withing knowing, that you had a great time clubbing :)

  4. Thank you for sharing your pictures. They are beautiful.

    You have just reminded me that my husband and I have not danced in years. I need to do something about that. You inspire me to live life.