Friday, January 31, 2014

You Spin Me Round, Round

This is your brain. 
This is your brain on grief.

I know our class starts at 6. Dave called yesterday to ask me what time our class starts, I told him 6. All day I was thinking I had to be there at 6. The first time I was there...I was way too early, so I didn't want to be that early again. I don't like to be late to places. For something like this, I leave with enough time to get there about 10 minutes early. Dave is always running late. So yesterday, he called me at 6. I assumed to tell me he was running late. He said, 'are you here?'

All day I knew the class started at 6, since the flyer was mailed, I knew the class started at 6. At the last minute, I thought the class started at 6:30.

This kind of thing happens all.the.time. 


I drink water like a fish. I'm talking ridiculous amounts a day. Once home from Mexico, I thought my taste buds changed because our water tasted awful. Turns out, because of our severe lack of rainfall they put us on well water. I have this thing about the plastic and also wasting bottles for bottled water, especially with the amount I drink a day. So my neighbor and I talked, and we thought we would try to double filter it. We have one in our fridge already, but thought we'd get a Brita too. I got to Costco yesterday. I chanted, "Brita, Brita, Brita" throughout. I had it on my list as a back up. 

I drove away without a Brita. Hand smack to head!

This kind of thing happens all.the.time. 


These are just two examples from yesterday. I know there were more! I used to do this type of thing prior to the accident, but I can't even explain how much it has intensified since grief was introduced. It occupies living space, and I am left set on re-run. I often wonder how much of my time is spent in circles. 

At first, I used to get frustrated because the old and the new me were in direct comparison. Over time though, this became me. I have come to accept when these things happen, and most times, can just laugh or shrug them off. Being late is very difficult though, especially to a class, but for a grief class...they understand. While it can still be annoying it's just part of my make up. At least now I know I'm at a point where I can finally start to get better.

Aren't the circles of grief wild?

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