Monday, May 8, 2017

Golden Slumbers

For reasons I'm aware and those I'm not, I must get what's in, out. But where? I thought and decided here's the place. So I'll start. Or pick up. I actually have no idea where I'm going with this story. All I know is, in the end, I'd only just begun.

I once lived a fairly normal existence. Scars were later worn proudly. Overnight, exterior ache bore inward and back into the normal flow of life I fell.

Others worried about me. I shrugged it off, until later seeing what they saw. I grew to understand survival and struggled with the transition back into everyday life.

If I wasn't the before me, or the me who cared for Aviana. Who was I? I kind of had a good idea of who, but hadn't a clue where I belonged or how to get there.

I fumbled, wandering the forest. I was grateful to be back at the lake, but struggled with what to do with myself. What could be as important as taking care of Avi? To focus and because figuring took all my energy, I turned in. The last I wanted to speak of was more of this, so I either kept my mouth shut or saved it for Dave, Rainey, Aviana, God, or nature. They carried me through... but at times, this was a lot of weight for (Dave) few to carry.


  1. Miss and love you, my beautiful friend! ♥♥

    1. I miss you too. For your birthday, come see us : )

  2. I was just thinking about you tonight Jen and came to your blog again and smiled when I saw your post. I hope you are all well. Our Star who looks just like sweet Kama is 17 now, moving a lot slower but still as sweet as ever. How is Rainey?

    1. HI Marianne -

      I was so happy to see your and Star's names. Thank you for your message. I'm happy to hear Star is doing well. Rainey is loving Tahoe. We take her hiking, swimming in the lake, she bounds through the snow. And Dave takes her back country skiing and mountain bike riding. She turned seven and somehow got more lovey. Dave was worried about 7 because we lost both our girls at that age... I think Rainey knows and that's why the extra love and cuddles <3

      Wishing you a beautiful day.


    2. Hi Jen, I was thinking about you and Kama today as I prepare to say goodbye to our sweet puppy Star. I am so glad that Rainey is loving Tahoe, I can picture her bounding through the snow. I have never known a love as pure as the one I have for Star, I know this is something you can relate to. I hope you and Dave and Rainey are all doing well and that life is good for you. Love, Marianne

    3. Marianne -

      Today is Kama's birthday, so in wanting to feel and see her in a different realm, I did a Google search of Aviana's blog + Kama's name. For some reason, this was the blog post that first showed. I scrolled the comments and while reading your second - I cried, then cried harder, and harder.

      I cried for so many reasons - because I was seeing your message for the very first time (dang me for never linking comments to my new email!), I cried harder because of your having to say goodbye to sweet Star, and I cried even more for not being "there" over a year ago when you were about to lose your sweet Star. I'm deeply sorry Marianne 😥

      For your loss then, my heart aches now, because our loves are forever felt.

      You and Star mean so much to me. My wish is to reach through this computer and wrap my arms around you. Instead of this blog comment section (ugh!), I so want to speak in a more personal way. If you want too, my email is or my phone number is 530-412-2836.

      Oh these sweeties and the love they leave - what a gift. For now, please know my whole heart is with you.

      As for Star, shining while here physically and now brilliantly to be gazed upon ♥️✨♥️

  3. So glad to see a post from you. But always thinking of you guys. Write whatever, whenever. It's for you to use to help YOU!

    1. Hi Gina!

      How are you and that beautiful family of yours? Thank you for being so sweet <3

      Love you!

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