Wednesday, September 24, 2014


Hi guys! I've missed you so very much! I'm sorry I've been away so long. Thank you for being patient with me. I'm good now. The paint is fresh, the boxes are unpacked, the computer is dialed. But most importantly, the Halloween decorations are scattered about - ready to be set in their new places. It's surreal, but at the very same time - not at all.

Each day I'm continually reminded of just how many things suddenly, yet ever so gently, fell into place to land us in this unbelievable place. Sometimes alone with my Rainey girl, and other times with Dave, tears silently roll.

Last week, we were in Reno happily shopping away for our house. One second I'm fine, the next...tears. Dave and I had lost each other somewhere between faucets and door hardware. Upon losing, I was great. Once found, puddle. Dave so lovingly hugged me and said, "tears in Home Depot Bee? What happened?" All it took that day was a single corner glance at the Halloween decorations.

Thankfully - more often than not, they are tears of gratitude.

I've always felt both our girls floated away in my very favorite month because it's almost impossible to shake my out of control happiness for all things orange, black, and boney. I had been eyeing all the new Halloween arrivals since they began making their (annoying to some, but never to me) appearance. When I first saw them this year, I had to catch my breath, and have since a few more times thereafter. Could it be? A full year since I've held and kissed you? A year will turn to more since your physical body's been away from us...

This last weekend at Home Depot was different though. I felt all things Tahoe happened so fast, and perfect, in order to help us along. In all the happiness of looking at garbage cans, hooks, and switches, I was reminded of just how very distracted we are in all things good, new and exciting! So much so, that we won't be in our old house, doing the same things we always did. All the while - consciously or subconsciously - painting images of the past year.

In that moment, which closely resembled many others since Aviana passed, I felt these big, warm arms wrapped around us. They are one in the same. They let us know we are being watched over, taken care of, and are most certainly loved. These feelings are so overwhelming they spill out, and over my eyes.


  1. You're amazing. You are just amazing. I love you so much, my stripy Jen and polar opposite.

    Now you need to work on a post about your house with photos!!!!

  2. Hello, hello!!! It's so good to "see" you. I am so sorry for all that this time of year brings. Heck, I am sorry for what each day can bring. I'm glad you are feeling those loving arms!

    I think of you often and have been wondering how the new house is coming along. I have no doubt you & Dave are making it all your own, a nice little haven. Please post pictures when you can. Some scenic landscape views would be nice :-) At least one picture containing a mountain please, please. It's flatter than a pancake here in south Louisiana. I saw mountains once on a trip to Las Vegas. I think they're so pretty to look at. Happy nesting!

    1. Flatter than a pancake? Come hither my friend. Seriously. A family vacation to the mountains.

  3. I've been thinking of you guys a lot. I am glad to hear you are settling in and I am anxious to see photos of the new oasis.

  4. May the magic of the mountains, clear air and water cleanse away the fog of pain and leave happy memories to build a new life. Peace, serenity, friends and family and the strength to carry on. Let us all know what we can do as these somber anniversaries arrive...

    1. This was one of the most beautifully written comments ever...thank you so much. Truly.

      You are so very sweet to think of us and Aviana. On the anniversary, anything your heart desires, anything which speaks to you - I would so love to hear. Honestly : )

      And...I thank you more than I could ever say.