Wednesday, January 19, 2011


This post is grossly delayed for one single reason. I had asked a friend if he could take a picture of Aviana running (prior to the accident), and change her into a blue-skinned Na'vi from the land of Pandora. I have been waiting since, and have finally decided to just post.

So, now this is outdated, but important just the same. I won't be able to truly capture the essence of the movie, and pack the punch I was feeling deep inside my bones, but that's okay.

When Avatar came out on video, Dave and I rented it. We settled in to relax, and enjoy this new movie. Truth of the matter is, I was completely blindsided by what I saw.

The character is a paraplegic, and obviously in a wheelchair. His operation is to learn about the Na'vi and Pandora's biosphere. They use Na'vi human hybrid bodies called Avatars that are operated via mental link by genetically matched humans.

In order to go to Pandora, he lays in a machine, and is hooked up to a bunch of this and that!

As he wakes up in Pandora, he moves his legs over to the side of the apparatus. He carefully examines every movement of his arms and legs. He stands up, and smiles. He begins to take steps, and feels the leaves and such beneath his bare feet. He takes a few more steps, and is in complete and total amazement.

Suddenly, he realizes that his broken body is no longer holding him back. He breaks free, and begins to sprint, at full speed, across the forest. He smiles as he is no longer bound to the confines of his very own body.

At this moment, the tears that were building all around my eyes, spill over. I am instantly so incredibly sad that Aviana is trapped! Trapped in a broken body. A body that will not move as she wants it to. A body that cannot be broken free of.

Most of all, I am saddened by her face that cannot seem to smile, or even worse, that has nothing to smile about.

Ever since I saw, what I call Avi~tar, I can't seem to shake the whole notion. And every night as we put her into her respiratory device, I say a little prayer that I am sending her off to her very own Pandora.


  1. Oh Jen, this is so heartbreaking. I'm so sorry. I have no other words. I love you.

  2. Jen- I know that you are feeling discouraged but I don't believe that Aviana has nothing to "smile" about- she has two loving, devoted and incredible parents!! I am sending you some virtual (((HUGS))) sweetie! I wish I could say more to alleviate your heartache.

  3. I agree with Jen. Aviana has a lot to smile about. She is definitely smiling inside even if you can't see it. She has a wonderful mommy and daddy. My son, for 7 years, never had a genuine smile on his face due to his disability. We always saw the smile in his eyes. HUGS to you

  4. I bet that she does dream and go to a place where she is able to run and jump. I can't imagine how hard it is not being able to see her smile. I do know that she is happy and she can smile inside, even if you can't see it. Her life now is different, but after a time it becomes normal and natural and good again. Your mind adjusts accordingly and you begin to find joy in everyday again. I am sure she finds joy in many things. The human spirit is amazing.

  5. Hi Jen - It is amazing how a mother and father's love can bring peacefulnes and happiness to a child, when you're that young it can be all you need. Children will find joy in watching trees blow in the wind, watching butterflies flit around, feeling the warmth of a loving puppy dog laying next to them, etc... She probably has many things that she sees with her eyes and feels with her heart, that bring her happiness. I only wish it were that easy to mend an adult's heartbreak. I wish so badly that I could make your journey easier.

    Love, Jess

  6. I think I've mentioned it before, but I have an aunt that is a nurse for a man that suffered a TBI. He was 19 at the time, and was in a bad car accident. Prior to the accident he played guitar and piano, and could play by ear. He was in his physical prime.

    The accident left him paralyzed from the waist down, and has limited control of his arms and hands due to the rigidity. It's a little hard to understand him when he talks - almost like he has some food in his mouth.

    Just before Christmas, my aunt came by to bring over my grandmother's knitting machine. We got to talking, and Avi came up. She told me she had something to show me. She'd taken video of Mark (her patient) playing air guitar. He can't hold a guitar, but he was 'hitting' every chord on that air guitar.

    I started to tear up watching how happy he was in that moment. Avi's life has changed, but that doesn't mean she can't and won't find joy in life. None of us know what the future holds, but she has the best possible life right now thanks to her Mommy and Daddy.

    I know things are tough right now. If you need anything, don't hesitate to call. Love you guys! *hugs*

  7. totally crying Jen....she is free...inside and in her are giving her the world right now....even just with her reading program alone she has the world before her. She is most definitely smiling inside....smiling when she sees your love through your actions. Smiling when she lays next to her fur baby. Smiling when she gets nourishment from you. I bet she is beaming inside :)

  8. Dear Jen,
    Your little Aviana is only in this body for this life. She will one day be resurrected in a perfect body. This life is only a speck in the whole scheme of things.She is a very special spirit of our Heavenly Father. You are incredible parents and she feels your love for her even though she cannot show it. Pray for strength to endure the trials of this life and your prayers will continue to be answered. He doesn't expect us to do it alone.

    Cindy K.

  9. Not sure if I can understand the reference to the movie,because I haven't seen it yet (we are SO behind in Netflix!) But, I understand how you can relate to your own life. I haven't seen her in person in awhile, but I can even tell from the pictures that she is making progress! Yes, she may be trapped in a body that is limited, but I have no doubt she will get out of it!