Thirty Five

Dave has been outrageously busy at work. By that, I mean 12-14 hour days, and every weekend too. For his birthday we decided to get away, and take a drive to Stinson Beach. It was nice to turn up the music, and escape all responsibility, even if for only a little while.

All along we were going to take Aviana and Rainey, but at the last minute we decided to go, just the two of us. Because Dave has been putting in such long hours, I have been holding down the fort here at home. And after what Rainey pulled in San Francisco, she pretty much sealed the deal on Stinson Beach! 

We knew we were going to be making many stops, journey up and down lots of stairs, traveling across much sand, and in and out of the car a ton of times. We both felt much too exhausted, both physically and mentally, so we left them home. Blessed are we to have our girl Natalie who came and watched them while we were gone : ) 

This was Muir Beach. It was absolutely breathtakingly beautiful!!

I have a hard time wrapping my brain around it...thirty five. I met him when he was 19.

As you can see, it was mighty windy out there.

I've always loved windy hair pictures!!

They crack me UP!

This one was down at the actual point.

Hee! Too funny!

Wouldn't you know it...we found a petting zoo on our journey in Marin!

I wanted to take a pony ride, but Dave said...

1. We didn't have time  : (

2. Pony rides are for kids : ((

Since it was his birthday, I only listened to reasoning #1

But I did fall in l-o-v-e...

Stinson Beach...ahhhh

We loved this place, every single solitary edible item coming in, and out of this place looked perfectly fresh. Everywhere I go, I have visions of taking a little bite of this, and a little bite of that, off each persons' plate. Is that so wrong? We only got a blueberry muffin and a coffee, as we were saving room for lunch in Stinson Beach.

On our way back from Stinson, I ran into this other bakery called Miette and bought this big, honkin' slice of Coconut Cream Cake. She asked me if we were going to eat it all now, and I said no way as it weighed about 6 pounds. She advised me to keep the rest in the fridge. 

Dave and I sat down, and I thought we would surely only eat maybe half, but bite by bite...we devoured the entire thing. 

After the damage was done, I peeked my head into that cute little bakery and confessed,

"It's gone. All of it. Nothing left for the fridge. All 6 pounds. The whole block. Gone." 

She was so proud of us!

But that's what you're supposed to do on a birthday, right?

Have your cake and eat it too!

Present Progression

I think I told you I've been working really hard on a patience problem.  Well it kicks in to high gear when it comes to giving gifts. I have a terrible habit of making, urging, going positively insane on people in order to get them to open their presents early. Hmmm....I wonder where I get it from....MOM!!! Anyway, I very sweetly shoved Dave's presents in front of him the night before his birthday. 

I thought this progression of pictures was so cute I just had to share them with you. 

Avi, can you help me open my birthday present?

You'll think about it?

She looks buried behind everything here.

Oh, there she is....looking all sweetsie behind the action.

Hi honey pie. Thank you for your help.

You look mighty cute with that bow around your neck : )

Birthday on the Bay

The beginning of September is always a busy time around here. Two of the most important men in my life have back to back birthdays! My dad's day is usually over Labor Day weekend, and then Dave's is just three shorts days later.

Our usual plan is to always go to Tahoe for the holiday weekend, but this year, my dad decided to come down here for the week. He decided this because of my terrible track record of pretty much always getting a migraine when venturing up there ; ( 

Because he was going to be coming down our way, I didn't want to do the same types of things we always do, so I had to really stretch my brain. Finally though, it hit me...there's this show he has talked about numerous times in San Francisco called Beach Blanket Babylon. Even though he's seen it three times prior, I just knew he'd want to see it again!

I called him before I bought the tickets, just to make sure he'd want to go again, and before the words were even out of my mouth...he was all over it!! This show was the absolute perfect gift! 

Well, that and a Keurig. Everyone should have a Keurig, right?

I love how Snoozer is all ready for his picture, too!

Do you think Dave looks a little fried in this picture? It's because he was. This was about 15 minutes out of the truck and into San Francisco with the dogs. 

Patience has never been my strong suit. I've had to learn over the years. But, I happen to be the most patient person when it comes to dogs. What I am trying to say is, you can't rattle this cage when it comes to the canine variety! Well...these two drove us CrAzY. They are normally two of the best dogs ever, but they tore it up in SF. 

The two of them acted like a couple of banshees. They were egging each other on, barking, chasing birds, scaring poor innocent other dogs, pulling on their leashes, tangling me up (and I was in heels, that's dangerous in itself), you name it! 

At one point, my dad told me we almost got kicked off the wharf. What? Yeah, you heard me, kicked off the wharf! And we deserved it!! Why didn't I know, after all, I was standing right by him, right there. It's because I was trying to wrangle my own wild beast of a dog! So, we ended up kicking ourselves off the wharf! I was thinking, "who the heck are you two? And what did you do with our dogs????" We were about to lose our minds. 

I usually do anything and everything to keep Rainey with me! That day...I've never been so happy to see the two of them go back to the truck...I said, both of you, git (not to be confused with get) in the truck - buh bye! 

We went through this area of all these old games, and such. It was like a time warp. My dad was showing me Laughing Sal, also known as the famous Fat Lady. She used to live at the entrance of this place in San Francisco called Playland. My dad told me how he and my mom used to go there a lot. 

Someone put a couple quarters in, and what began was a funny, turned really creepy laugh. I became instantly relieved that she was behind some thick glass and I was with my dad, because even at 37 years old, I didn't trust Sally, or Sal, or whatever her name was...

I just found this video on You Tube...grab your dad, or a teddy bear, or something of that sort, and remember...I warned you ; )

http://youtu.be/PzfpbSVf9W4

Shoot, I thought I got a picture with the Fat Lady in it, but I guess I didn't : / 

This was what Playland looked like. 

Sadly, it closed down Labor Day weekend 1972.

I love old photo booths!!

One of my favorite part is where it says,

~ YOU ~

Ought'a be in pictures!

Remember these?

My dad and those two menacing mutts!

I have always loved these monkeys, so when I saw this - I had to capture it.

~ speak no evil, hear no evil, see no evil ~

Hoddy and me... 

at dinner.

If you're ever in the San Francisco area, this is a great show!! It's the longest running show, at 38 years! They do an amazing job and my dad was right, after hearing about it for all these years...I'm so happy to have finally seen it!

The hats are some of the most unbelievable things ever. This one was worn at the end, and it even lit up and had a little cable car that traveled around : )

All that terrorizing makes for some sleepy pups...

Night Night

Can't Say it Enough

I feel like such a lucky girl. I wouldn't be anywhere close to where I am today without my family and friends. I walk through this life, and throughout my day and am, many times over, just grateful. From the big, all the way down to the little, all never cease to amaze me.

I want to thank everyone for all of your love, and mostly for all you always say and do in our lives. Most recently...I want to thank you for the support of my dad and his newest venture.

Little to you...big to me.

❤

In answer and response to some of your comments...

Krista

Oh.my.gosh!! May I paint you a picture.

7:01 am. Roll out of bed. Grab my phone (hmm...new comment)

7:01 04 seconds. Beep, Boop, Bop, Bop, Beep, Boop, Bop.
"Dad!!! You've got to get on the computer!!!"

7:01 38 seconds. I was at my computer rewriting the whole first sentence, going over the FAQs, and About Us with a fine tooth comb. My dad was doing the same.

I wholeheartedly agree with you, and was in shock that somehow that happened!
From my dad and I both...we thank you!!

Anonymous

Yes, you've got it! You can put the item in your cart if you'd like, but unfortunately, the price and/or quantity is not held, and is subject to change in the time between when the gift is sent, and the recipient decides if they would like it, or not. Hopefully though, with such a small window of time between, prices and quantities will stay the same.

 Jan R. 

Yes, that is exactly right. He is able to keep the service free for that reason.

***

Thank you again to everyone who has showed an interest, signed up, and given it a try.

I so appreciate you.

My Dad

Hello Everyone!

Many of you know my dad, but I know some of you have only heard of him through my many stories about him ❤ For those whom have never met him...let me take a moment to tell you a little bit about him. He's simply one of the hardest working people I know. Aside from that very admirable characteristic, I'd have to say, my very favorite trait is his ever turning, entrepreneurial mind. I can't get enough of it, and hold it in the highest regard. So much so, that I can safely say what turns the biggest smile is when Dave looks at me, complete with one of my many wide-eyed, quirky, excited, ideas and says, "you're just like your dad!" 

So why does that always elicit the emotion it does? Because my dad is never afraid to take risks! And these risks, well...they happen to be the very things that make me feel most alive. And that's what he's taught me, you sometimes have to put yourself way out there for something you believe in most. My dad never stops reaching, stretching, and challenging himself. Everyone who has created something worth anything was told no, it won't work, that's crazy, you're wasting your time, or something of the sort. The difference is in the people who push past, push through, and push on. My dad is exactly that sort of person, he always has been. 

Well, he's been working on a project that has been two years in the making. In that time, he has stumbled across every imaginable pitfall, but of course, he persevered. I helped the best I could, but you all know what our lives have been...so really, my dad has truly been the one.

eGiftem, as with all websites, will be a constant work in progress, but we finally feel we have it to a fun and usable point. So if you would be so kind, we would truly appreciate if you would sign up and try it for yourself. You don't have to really send any gifts out now, you can just see how it works, then if you decide you want to use it in the future you'll be all ready to go!

I hope you love it, we've definitely had fun working on it together : )

Thank you all!

Love,

Jen 

   

***

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Forever in Our Hearts

Adoption is very much a part of both of our families. For this reason, it was an easy leap when it came down to the pursuing of it, or IVF. The next decision was between a domestic or international adoption. The latter was also a quick and easy choice for us.

With one single trip - the beautiful country, but especially the gracious and giving people of Guatemala became forever sewn into our hearts. After returning home with Aviana, I always knew I wanted to go back and help with the building of homes.

After the accident though, I sometimes have the hardest time simply looking into all those big, beautiful brown, Guatemalan eyes. Something about those eyes - they grab hold, and get me...every time. For this reason, it seems all of my return trip dreams vanished...just as quickly as that little girl I used to know.

The thought of boarding the plane alone makes me feel uneasy. But why? It's just a plane, an inanimate object, a seemingly unsuspecting collection of metal, held together by some nuts and bolts. It's just a fuselage, a few engines - maybe, a couple wings, a mere vehicle used to carry people from here to there. So why the unrest?

For me...that plane, pointing in that direction, possesses so much more. It carries with it the memories of two people, who had finally arrived at the finish line of one very long marathon. They had survived many baby miles, if you will. Two people - one new and exciting chapter plastered all over their obnoxiously, giddy faces.

Long-lost images of the last time, parading round and round...bags so neatly packed, containing perfectly picked, long awaited, and freshly laundered baby clothes - all descending upon that very country. It was a time before the very real reality had set in. I just wasn't sure my heart could handle a twisting and turning of that sort.

I also have visions of all of those smiling, wide eyed, wispy haired, perfectly brown skinned, little Guat Tots running around my legs and feet! Would I be okay? Or would they reduce me to a puddle of tears? I'm not so sure...

This may sound...well, maybe inane to some, but I can't ignore the feelings that arise. If I return to Guatemala, for a brief moment, I will feel a certain something, and sadly, it will look a little like this...I took one of your little ones - I thought I could handle it, I promised you I could, I swore I would keep her safe, give her a better life in America...but I couldn't, and I didn't. You trusted me, and I blew it. 

I'm sorry.

My logical mind knows these things happen. My logical mind knows this was an accident. My logical mind knows there was nothing anyone could have done to prevent this. But for some reason, my illogical, and emotional mind steals the show anytime Aviana's country, and the people I feel have love in their hearts for her are involved. For a short time, I can't help but know that if I go back, I will feel I let them down, and more importantly, that I let her birth mother down.

I say for a brief moment in time, because if my experience with these people was what I think it was - they would understand and they wouldn't for a second think any of these thoughts, just like most kind, loving people wouldn't. 

These feelings are purely generated from a place of my own deep, dark sadness over what has happened to our girl, and they are all within me, because I wouldn't even be seeing any of these people and wouldn't even have to say a word about anything if I didn't want to. All of this definitely arises in conjunction with Guatemala and her birth mother. Understandably so, as they are all tightly woven together.

So why is all of this weighing so heavily on my mind now?

A few years ago, I finally decided Guatemala was all too much for me, for my soul. I adjusted my sails and decided to let the wind blow me in a different direction. I hadn't a clue where I would end up.

Earlier this year, I met with Aviana's neurologist, and he was talking about how he was leaving soon for a trip to Mongolia. He's done this sort of trip for the past 10 years. I asked if he takes volunteers, and he said yes. From then on, I had been thinking about it for next year. I liked the idea of talking to the people who traveled far and wide about the brain, neurological problems, and the evaluations, but honestly - my heart wasn't truly feeling the same connection. So...I wasn't sure what to do.

My next step was to talk to the owner of a local cookie shop here in town. He kindly donated platters to each of the three hospitals for Aviana's Elves. He was one of the most amazing people I have ever talked to! He happens to do international trips as well, so I thought he would be a wealth of good information, and maybe he wouldn't mind if I tagged along!

But then...a really good friend of mine, who's a surgical tech at Kaiser called about a month ago. He told me they asked him to volunteer on a trip next July. He asked me to guess where? I had to blink back the tears, because I knew the answer. Everything was in slow motion, but at the very same time, happening so fast. I was terrified to let the words roll off my tongue as I asked him if I could go? He said the main doctor already knew all about Aviana and me. He has now asked him, and they have taken my passport information and are in the process of seeing if it will be okay to take me along...that is, if I decide to go?

Whenever I think about all of this, the tears always seem to find their way. It's like they go hand in hand. They are a package deal, quite intermingled. I wish to separate them, to split them, to splice them, but I cannot.

I know it will hurt. I know I will cry. I know painful triggers will be looming around every corner, but that's okay - I'll be okay - Better than okay.

I suppose it might be best for me to pick another country, but the fact remains, and always will, this one in particular, and the people within, have my heart. They captured it a long time ago, and never let go. No matter where I go, I will always want to be there...so I have my answer. I already know this will be one of the greatest things I will ever do in my lifetime. 

I'm hoping the fulfillment and gratitude I will feel in helping will push out some of the heartache : ) I want for something else to fill that space within. The way I always see it is....something good always far outweighs something not so good!

The families of Guatemala will be traveling great distances and for multiple different types of surgeries, including cleft palates, etc. These various surgeries will be for the whole families. 

Everything in me wants to do this, needs to do this. For them, for me, for Avi.

What I need, is to step out of my own way, stop thinking, and just do it... 

that is, if they will have me.

Antigua, Guatemala 2007

Oh Avi...That Girl!

What'chu Talkin' 'Bout Willis?

Recent comment ~

Do you realize you wear that striped shirt ALL.THE.TIME????? 

♥♥♥♥♥

I have no idea... 

What...

On earth...

She's talking about???

She is...

Wrong...

Wrong...

Wrong!

How must it feel to be so incredibly wrong?

; )

I love my Cameo though, smack takin' and all!